Deep-dived and Implicit Thoughts

Ending 2011: White spaces focused!

2012-02-12T03:45:00.000-08:00

There were a couple of black dots in an A4 size of bond paper. I was asked to stare at that paper with a question, "what do you see"? Bombarded with rambling thoughts to look into those dots, echoing the sad, low, and lonely times of 2011, I decided to choose to forget or at least get over it and consciously focus myself into the wide range of white spaces between the dots.

It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...

It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.

I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!

My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.

Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!

Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.

In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.

And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.

Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!

Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.

With that, let me end my 2011 now.

-end-

A Mother's Death.

2010-08-17T10:43:00.000-07:00

I just came back from someone's mom's wake service and I'm still overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions deep inside of me, thinking of a lot of people in my mind and in my heart. A chain of people whom I've talked to and have been thinking lately, which is somehow related to the term "mother". This someone by the way, is our senior pastor who gave such honoring remarks for his dear mother. I was delighted to know that indeed during the last days of his mother, everyone in the children were there to spend that last precious moments with their mother.

First thought was ofcourse my own dearest mother. As our Pastor shared about how his mother did her best to help his father raising the 7 of them through domestic-related jobs, saying that she's rich, I can't stop nodding my head, completely agreeing with him. Then, a flashback of my younger days came to mind. My mom doing some laundry, ironing, and other related chores in the neighborhood just for us to have something to eat while she assigned me to take care of my 2 younger sisters that time. There were also those times whereby all I have to do is pick up the spoon and fork to eat the food in the plate she has prepared before I go to work, how she tidy my room and I'd be too comfortable to have my sweet rest and a whole lot more. It reminded me as well so many very important things she has taught me that until now I value and treasure sincerely, and that is why I am where I am now. From then on, I promised myself to do my very best to make her proud, I hope I did. Well, my mother can be complicated sometimes but I really honor her, treasure her and love her. I'm grateful that she's still alive and that I can still express personally how grateful I am having her. I'm praying that she'll be here... at least until I become a mother myself. Only God knows! :D

The next one was my auntie in California - a mother too. Recently, I had the opportunity to have some little chit-chat with her over the net (the power of technology huh!) and shared a few struggles over her children. The word "patience" was stuck in my heart during the chat conversation and I just hope that she'll be fine and will continue to be prayerful and be patient with whatever is happening out there since I really dunno what's the whole story. I pray as well that as I write this, the power of the Holy Spirit will just minister upon her and her children too - my cousins, realizing the incomparable and invaluable things their mother has done and will do for them. Oh how I wish I'm just an inch away so that I can hug her and hopefully ease out her sentiments.

The third one was another friend in Chicago, whom I was shared that the mother has a breast cancer, which was recently discovered. I am more than concerned but had nothing to say during that time ('twas just last night though); or rather should I say, I dunno what good thing to say to at least console that friend. Again, how I'd hope that I was beside this friend to somehow offer a sincere warm embrace. I blurted out a child-like faith of "Let's believe for a miracle. I'll keep your mom in prayer." True enough, I dozed off to bed with a simple prayer for my friend's mother. I hope that God will acknowledge my child-like prayer, I believe JC heard about it and He'll surely answer.

Next in line were my friends who are mothers. Funny that I've got friends who are mothers here in Penang and whenever there's a party, all of them will stay in a room and discuss/share stuff about motherhood. The catch is... I'm the only one who's single that I feel ackward in joining them most of the times *peace*. However, they will force me to join their "chit-chat" saying that it's just right to learn while still single. It's something like "Motherhood 101" subject. There was one time, one of them said, today the topic is "schooling/education of kids". Deep inside, I was actually thrilled and in my mind I began to wonder when is my time. LOL.

Another one was about my boss, who's a mother. In one of our one on one session, she mentioned about her daughter saying "she's growing fast and now older". In that line were sound of worry because of much care and concern and love. Mother's really are admirable!

Last one was a recent call from a friend in Manila to give me a late greeting for my birthday. I wasn't sure how the conversation went to the topic about her mother who recently passed away too. I was glad to hear her reflections about her beloved mom and her sharing on how painful it really is to loose a mother, realizing a mother's very significance to our existence. Then the topic ended to realizing that somehow, the desire to get married is to primarily be able to experience motherhood (it sounds funny but come to think of it... I agreed with her in the end).

I recently saw a video of a mother giving birth to a child in a natural way mind you. I was just watching and I was physically exasperated already! I wonder.... how much more when I'm the one doing it. It looked awful, painful, however you may wanna describe it but I just said to myself, I want to experience that! I'd love to, given a chance! Well, based from my observations, reflections, and relationship with all walks of mothers "kinda thing", it seems really difficult and challenging but nevertheless I can see the real fulfillment, nobility, and the joy of being one in them, above all in my own mother's eyes.

To all mothers - it's not mother's day but I want to personally salute you. May God's love and grace continue to abound in your hearts! Keep up the good work! Kudos! :)

To all soon to be mothers - you're about to embark one great milestone of your lives, you'll be okay. God is good! :)

To all sons & daughters - get your relationship with your mothers right while they're still alive! Appreciate them while you still can - a simple "love you, ma!" or a hug or a kiss will do a lot. It's your big lost if you don't! :)

-end-

"spock"

2010-08-04T09:16:00.000-07:00

And so finally I am blogging with a happy feeling! I must indulge this moment! Too much of sad emo-related entries already so here you go!!!

First, it was like a cardiac arrest of reviving my heart beat while I was in a heart attack breakdown! Seems like my apparently dying heart was pumped up making the straight line in that meter reader becoming quite a zigzag kind of line again. Not bad huh!

It was a some kind of a "spock" from a short circuited wiring in which the connections were essentially straighten out. It's a nice feeling eventhough I wasn't sure what will be the outcome of it. I realized I'm quite naive in this kind of stuff! Yaiks! And indeed my "bashy" me is striking like mad!

Oh well, it's the second time of supper with that "spock"! Somehow...it's nice but I don't wanna expect too much. I'm thankful that somehow, my heart beat was revived - that should be quite good enough. At least I know I'm still capable of feeling "it" and did not totally curse the so-called "feeling". As I recognized that positive cardiac arrest result, my brain waves started to function as well... hehe... well i think heart and brain working together will make a good tandem huh! But ofcourse with His guidance and will.. surely can right? LOL! I'm talking nonsense now!

I better head off to bed, got morning prayer tomorrow.

Oh by the way, it's actually "spark"!

=)

famiLiar tears...

2010-07-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a month already that I've somehow noticed this thing is happening - a teardrop would fall as I close my eyes praying to be able to sleep and to have a good one! If I could only take out my ownself from my body, I would be able to draw one picture that would describe quite a combination of a poignant face trying to be wrapped in the coating of faith and trust. Indeed, I ended up waking up fully rested and wanting to sleep more instead :D

Tonight, as I wrap up my work and somehow call it a day.... I've recognized that I was bursting into tears.. a different one from what's mentioned above. Familiar tears, which include some profound emotions and soured-sweet memories; and that deep inside was a smile longing to be able to come to a point once again of finally moving on, never thinking and hoping for the old, but trusting for a fresh eternity- type of a new one.

I know, I just have to continue trusting and keeping that faith. Can I be thrown into a totally new atmosphere again, please?

-end-

Contact Lenses...

2010-04-29T08:53:00.001-07:00

I'm on my second day of wearing contact lenses after I've pushed through with my thought to try it out - I decided to have 2-day trial of it. Reasons behind are a lot but the outstanding one is for convenience. It's so funny though, because initially, I've opted to wear eyeglasses instead, because of the same reason - convenience. Errrr.... weird huh, you may say...but just think about what I'm tryin' to draw here :P

Well, my power isn't that high but normally, I prefer to have my eye-glasses on to have a clearer and firmer view or sight of the things I'm lookin' at, especially when driving ;)... that is because I've taken note well what my driving instructor told me in a loud manner, "WEAR YOUR 'SPECS' WHEN DRIVING!"... lol, makes me smile whenever I think about it.

Anyhow, so this morning...no doubt I was struggling and having some challenges to put in the contact lenses into my eyes. Whheeww! It wasn't that easy! As I open my right eye wide and big, the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord" echoed deep within me. As I sing the song in my mind, "open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you, I want to see you", in my heart I had a revelation that until now I'm trying to figure out, organizing the thought around it so might as well write about it, hopefully at the end of this blog I'll manage to have an organized thoughts about the revelation... let's see!

When we're newly born, they say that the eyesight isn't really that clear for the first couple of weeks. This is the reason why when buying baby things, we need to buy those very colorful ones so that babies' eyes can recognize the shapes through the colors. Then as babies grow, together with all the other things that our parents do like feed us, take care of us, etc. etc., our eyes will start to transition into the 20/20 perfect eyesight. Well...along the way, as we grow older, the eyesight will eventually be blurred making our powers high that we need to do things like wearing eyeglasses (or contact lenses) to have a clearer eyesight, well for some, they use the technology side of making eye sight clear like laser, etc.

I've thought about that in the same way in our Christian life, we have the somewhat similar transition kind of thing. As baby Christians, we'll have initially a blur sight but as time goes by, with the help of our Father in heaven, we'll have a clear vision of our spiritual life - that's through the sermons of the Pastors we listen into, our own Bible reading, the leaders over us, prayers, fellowships, etc. etc. Now, here's the sad part.... as we go on with our lives, there's the tendency to be blur again making our power high for the need of eye-glasses to be able to see clearly.

Going back to the song, "Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You", it is very clear that Him, God, who's doing it for us - opening the eyes of our hearts so that we can recognize and eventually see Him. However, we just need to ask Him to do it for us. The "asking" part should come from us. Hhhmmm.. maybe this is one of the applications of the most famous bible verse, which is being stolen by the other "secret" books saying, Ask and it shall be given to you... (Matthew 7:7)

And then...I realized that I was in the latter kind of blurriness in my spiritual life. Please don't ask me to elaborate it ya... it's kinda complicated. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed this to me and now I am pleading unto Him to give me "contact lenses" in my spiritual sight; that I may see once again clearly...His greatness, His awesomeness, His almighty power, His indescribable love and His sovereignty over my life.

Knocking on heaven^^

2010-04-01T02:23:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing that I won't forget about this person, it's gonna be our Redang Island trip last March 2009 particularly the night I was surprisingly asked by her to sing and perform on the stage, together with Laguna Redang's entertainers that night. I don't know what's with her that I gave in to the dare forgetting that I will be humiliating my ownself to an audience of a few! Well, maybe it was probably what's with me since I've finished a glass of frozen margarita already! Good thing that the few audience were them - my friends! LOL...Believe me, it's gonna be the first and last!!! :P

That Redang trip is an unforgettable one for many I believe. It's because it has left something valuable deep within each one's heart and chronicles of sweet and fun memory! Some noted it was their first snorkeling experience, some treasured it that it helped release a certain grudge, and someone enjoyed star gazing ultimately by the beach and finally had seen a shooting star!!! Above all, it was a trip that started a simple kind of friendship that felt like it's been there all the while for somebody :) - talk about having a strength of "connectedness" huh! =P

We didn't have that much of literal personal acquaintance but implicitly, it was like we can read each other. I guess it all started when she called me once, when she was here in Penang, responding to my "hello" text message. I answered, "Is everything okay? why do you sound so soft and quiet and so not you?". I felt she smiled and just responded, "I'm at my MIL's place" (message me what's MIL :P). Then, I got it already. From then on, she would occassionaly sms me "Reached KL already" everytime they come here and return KL. Anyhow, virtually we've kept the communication goin'. These are the moments I thank God for the world wide web operating its "pros". In between's, we've talked about so much things about the reality of life - relationships, marriage, friendship, etcetera, etcetera. I manage to give my thought about her understanding the MIL and make an effort to create a good relationship; she helped me realized that I'm a normal woman so to speak when we've shared about possesiveness and insecurities. Somehow, she has shared her feelings with me that I heart her and ofcourse geared her towards the good and the positive right turn of direction! Apparently, I saw some of myself in her that made me treasure her more.

If only we had the chance to spend more time with each other in person, we could have planned a lot of things before she left. Things that would probably bond us more and nourish the gem we've found with each other - friendship. Furthermore, some stuff that perhaps will be very beneficial to her family and so-called "bestfriend" when she's gone, and thoughts that will be of help for her dearest bie to continue and move on to live life here on earth. Have you read the book or at least watched the movie "P.S. I Love You"? Something to that effect... :)

Well...it has been almost more than five months now since I hugged her for the last time and gave my last kiss on her forehead before we left at one hospital in KL. She was on her way to the operating room for surgery and us on the way back to Penang. That time, I didn't think of such an early departure she'll do as I fervently (and the rest too) plead to our Big Daddy up there to heal her and let her live in this temporary world still. But I guess, it's true indeed that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. There must be a reason why those things happened but I'm just not sure what.

I've written this blog with a purpose. A purpose of paying tribute to one good friend who's temporarily gone, in which one of the people I'll be looking forward to meet again when it's my turn to go home. However, ultimately, it's for her bie, whom I considered a good friend too. A very crazy fella that I like because he's willing to jump out of the boat in the beach and who is a merman! Lame! LOL... Nah, kidding aside.... for him to take time to realize that if my friend can literally speak from heaven as I knock, she will say...

"C'mon darling, enough of sadness already! I'll "meraju" if you continune to do that! Cheer up and face the rest of your life there with enthusiasm and new beginning, a new chapter! And I don't mind at all but instead I'll help if I can be of any, and above all, continue to live life and have fun giving all the glory to Him! (I'm with him now, remember! :P)"

They said that the last sense to leave a human being is the hearing sense. As I knock on heaven, I am whispering to her all these writings from the bottom of my heart hoping that she is able to hear it.

While in mourning mode, I was somehow glad that time permitted me to see her for the last time the night before I left for Manila last December. Above all, I'm grateful to Him that He made this as part of His plan for my life - to have met Cindy Khoh Joo Hwa.

-end-

Sobrang Lungkot...

2010-03-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

Grabeh... hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko, nasan ang dating ako? Ang dating masayahin at laging hopeful na tao, ang dating laging looking forward sa hinaharap ng buong sigla at super excited?

Hindi ko maitago na sobrang lungkot ko na kulang na lang eh humagulgol ako dito sa kinalalagyan ko. Feeling ko sobrang nawala ang sigla ng hinaharap kundi para bagang punong puno ng lungkot ng nakaraan?

Alam ko, nasa puso ko ang Poong Maykapal. Pero ang sobrang ipinagtataka ko, grabe talaga ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Diyos ko, alam ko may nagawa akong mga kasalanan sa inyo. Patawarin nyo po ako. Gusto kong magalit at mainis sa inyo, pero ginagawa ko ang aking makakaya na wag na todong magalit.

Deep within me Panginoon, ako pa rin ito. Ako pa rin yung nagdarasal at nagmamaka awa, tulungan nyo po ako. hindi ko kayang mag-isa 'to! kailangan ko kayo.

wrong thought...

2010-02-10T22:53:00.000-08:00

I thought I was numb enough already upon hearing the somehow "anticipated" news, but sadly no - not numb enough. It sure hurts. argh!

*these are the moments when I wish I won't have emotions/feelings at all anymore*

I thought I was strong enough to ignore and just hide it but I failed to do so - I was just too transparent and expressive a while ago.

*these are the moments when I wish I won't get carried away that easily*

Well... sometimes crying will just give you such quite a relief when the reason you're crying is not good or should I say not good because it did not happen the way you hope it will happen. Nah, God is in control and He's got way than better plans about things.

Start "hoping" a fresh - i wish it will be that way and not brushing it off totally!

Lord, please help me get through with this. I pray that the pain will come to pass soon. You've done it more than two years ago, sure You can do it over and over again.

Jaded.

Thanks to DiGi = CNY thoughts..

2010-02-05T18:39:00.001-08:00

I was staring blankly at nowhere when I heard the message alert tone of my cellphone. I asked myself, "who could that be?". It has been a while since I've received those "out of the blue" text message/s from someone (or perhaps sometwo) I know. Pathetic huh, but it's the fact! lol.. Guess who was it? It was Digi's sms advertisement about the new games available. The liner was that, "Download new games to enjoy while on your way to home town for the coming Chinese New Year".

I don't know why my mind suddenly recalled the previous CNY so to speak. I was glad to be invited by a good friend during an organized CNY eve's dinner of their "family" and another "couple friends" steamboat dinner (other night though). Come to think about it, the previous previous year, I was with Shirley's family if I'm not mistaken :).

I have nothing to do by then and that good friend was probably kind enough to ask me to join them. I did not know what to say and ended up responding "okay". Well, I honestly didn't know what I'm supposed to do when attending CNY eve's family dinner because this time, a friend who invited me was a guy. I didn't think of anything but people around me who knew about it began to ask silly questions, which has lead me to a predicament. Anyhow, hope was born. Nah, cut it out! hahaha...

Looking back, I can say that I made it through that "dinner" night and I'd say it was a good one! After that night, a lot of noble things happened Imma say and here are they as follows:

1.) I've learned that I'm super possessive. After that dinner, we've decided to chill out in Starbucks E-gate with other friends and have that "chit-chat" and somebody gave a comment about something like this: "Among all the girls here, I think you're the most possessive." I paused and digested that and reflect on it..lol.. somehow I took it seriously and began to analyze myself. hahaha :D I abruptly kinda defended myself saying, "Yeah, maybe. But it depends on how it is being manifested and applied"... which is true right? LOL..

2.) It started a great friendship & implicit closeness between me and this woman I've met - his mom. I have initially known her through his stories and I was interested to know her personally. That night was the great chance and it went well. From then on, I can say we became close. She was one of the "gentle" encourager I have when it comes to driving, well his son was my instructor anyway - such a great friend! So everytime I hold unto the steering wheel, I'm reminded of her telling me to always tell Jesus to take hold & control of the steering wheel & my driving. We somehow became close because she is a "talker" (ops!) and can really converse in English - well i grabbed that advantage. I wanted to be so close to a few aunties as well but it's just that I'm unable to speak in Chinese (how I wish I can really speak "conversational" Hokkien or even Mandarin huh!). Everytime I drive, I smile a little, whispering unto Jesus and remembering her in my heart. On and off, I meet up with her and just spend time with one another like a mother & daughter... lol..

3.) How Chinese New Year occasion is important. Well, as you know I'm here in Malaysia specifically Penang. In my four years (& counting) so to speak, I've learned a lot of things related to its culture and I'd say I'm somehow accustomed to it already. The fact that this is when majority do and have their family reunions, how I've wished that CNY is everyday here in Malaysia, lol. :P

The other steamboat dinner I've had with this "lovers" so to speak was simple yet I can say it was meaningful. Primarily, it was held at the girl's cozy little warm place in Pekaka area :). Few thoughts cultivated myself:

1.) Simplicity is indeed elegance. This couple (not married yet as of this writing), are that simple. I admire their simplicity and I'm glad that somehow I strongly believe that God used me for both of them. But ofcourse, all credit goes to Him alone for His Holy Spirit really did a LOT of work.

2.) We are everywhere! I had a little talk with the girl's Auntie who worked before in Saudi Arabia and has mentioned that there are a lot of Pinoys & Pinays there. I just smiled and nod nod nod... Reason behind? Well, that is somehow I can say subjective but well yeah... a lot of reasons :D

3.) Steamboat is not easy to prepare. That was at least what the girl said together with the Aunties :D. Hmmm.... lemme check it out and try someday - give me the mood c'mon! =)

What else huh?! Hmm.. I can write as many as I can but I've decided to stop from here :P. In about a week's time, it's CNY once again. I'm not sure what's happening yet but a crazy friend from KL somehow asked through Facebook if I'm gonna be around... let's see what happens by then and let's see if I'll be ignited to write something about it in the near future..

May everyone be filled with joy as this occasion is celebrated together with love ones, family, and friends!

Tata for now!
=)

What could it be, God?

2010-01-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

Mr. 2010 has come! Indeed, a lot of things happened while 2009 was still around. If I am to keenly scan my handy calendar where I wrote some of the simple things happened on a specific day of 2009, I'd say there are still more in which I've failed to take note.

While I have decided to choose to welcome 2010 full of excitement and enthusiasm, which I really did wholeheartedly ;), I can't help but think of one very thing happened that shook the whole world if I may say.

Well, it has been what.. about almost 3 months since the tragic and historical Ondoy typhoon catastrophe happened and yet it keeps on haunting me and urging me to put whatever thoughts and feelings I have had and are having right now into writing.

From the very day that the tragedy happened, I've instantly asked myself "why such a drastic event?" They say that you can't argue with the course of nature and I wasn't really doing that! lol. In fact, abruptly I've asked God, "God, what are you trying to tell me, us, and everyone with what you've just allowed to happen?". Not to mention that after that storm, comes another storm in the same country (where else) Philippines, and then there you go the earthquakes somewhere in Indonesia, what else? The news about the war going between Norh & South Korea and Imma say a whole lot more of events that really made me think a lot!

I don't know why such a huge bulk of emotions (good & bad) I have deep inside on this one. Not that my family was part of it (I'd say that's just a little) but I believe the concern I have to mankind is... ugh! unexplainable! In the Ondoy tragedy, the whole of Metro Manila was submerged into flood in which everyone is considered traumatized regardless of its status in life. Poor, rich, middle class, famous, normal citizen. I remember I've received a text message saying, "God is humbling Metro Manila for what has happened". Well, I can say that could be one of it... but I've observed and noticed some random stuff in conjunction to the historical Ondoy flood and made me ponder on a lot of things. Here you go:

1.) The human nature of goodness emerged in this incident and so do the nature of the darkside if I may say. Some people did their very best to help whoever they can help. Those who were not affected by the flood voluntarily opened their homes to the victims and even shared whatever supply of food and the likes they have. Some even risked their lives just to save others who were carried away by the flood and a whole lot more of instances. On the other hand, I guess some were possessed by the devil to take advantage of the situation and even had the nerves to plunder goods and the likes. Sadly, that's still a reality!

2.) The importance of unity in family. I saw one photo whereby the father and son are pushing one small boat in which the mom and daughter are riding. Together, they face the adversity happened in unity. Such a noble piece. Well, I was away from my family when that happened - it was completely excruciating especially when you knew that you're in such a physical comfortable condition while your love-ones are there suffering like hell! Well that time, I was physically comfortable so to speak but my mind was like crazily mad because i couldn't do anything but to be still and keep trusting God that He is in control! My sister was talking to me over the phone crying and crying because it seemed impossible to finish cleaning up, etc during the aftermath and everything is practically gone. I have no choice but to keep encouraging my sister that everythng will be alright and that we should be grateful that nobody got hurt. Where I was, I am thankful that my spiritual family really pulled me up and helped me through their prayers and encouragement. I've felt that they were united in helping me not to go insane. God is good!

3.) The value of friendship. My highschool friend, Sol opened her place and her resources so that my family can get in touch with me and let me know what has happened. Rain was non-stop but I was constantly online communicating with my friend and asking for updates on what's happening. Through Sol, I was also able to talk to them over the phone and over the internet - thanks to her really! Also, these are the moments I'd say I'm thankful for technology! Other friends I have here in Malaysia (mayit be Pinoys or Malaysians =)) started to send me email/s and text messages about it. They have no idea how grateful I was, how it touched me and helped me to think sanely and continuously believing that God is good, all the time! I have also realized more that people have really different ways of expressing things directly and/or indirectly. Well, it made me think how expressive I am or how do I normally express the things I want to express to everyone around me.

4.) How you view the Almighty God. I don't know about the others but this Ondoy didn't really help much in untangling my view of God, lol. I know and strongly believe that God was in control that moment and He will always be. While in the shallow phase of myself are kinda mix feelings of anxieties, worries, hurt & pain; in the very deep and inner core of me was peace. His peace that surpasses all understandings.

5.) The resilience of Filipinos. When I had my Christmas vacation, I had some sharing with my siblings about what happened. They shared the hardship and fun stuff they did - cheerfully. They practically cleaned everything during the aftermath while playing with waters and the remains of the flood. I can imagine. Probably they were chasing one another with the water coming out from host with fun and laughters! My sister shared about sharing of the food and eat together while the whole house is submerged into flood. The smiles & posing they had during picture-taking under the heavy rainfalls and the likes. I've also mentioned that I saw one video in facebook whereby a group of friends did a video of showing or making a tour for everyone in their submerged house. They did the video while swimming in the water - funny huh! :) Cecille told me that Philippines has become a shield to other nations especially in South East Asia. If not because of the Philippines blocking other countries, it could have hit a few nearby. Filipinos, in our very nature, whatever the obstacles, however it's so challenging, can easily get up and continue and move on with life. My sister said that during interviews, majority can still smile and be happy despite of what has happened. And then she cited the hurricane Katrina incident whereby people don't want to be asked & interviewed at all and even talk a video of their faces.... I was like really? i didn't know about it.

5.) The final one - made me ask again, What could it be, God? Ondoy was just the icebreaker... or should I say the explicit one. While that's happening, other things in other parts of the world is also happening. Reminded me of the passage about the End of the World and the Signs of End of time. Could it be God is telling everyone that the end is really near? Could it be that God is telling all to return unto Him?! Well, at least for Ondoy, almost everyone in there turn unto the Lord and prayed.. well what about now? Is there something going on that people are urge to turn unto God and pray?

What could it be, God? Could it be that the end is coming?! Oh I can't wait! For when the end has come, I know where i will be :)

How about you? Might wanna think about it for this 2010?

Ta!

Once in 15 years!

2009-12-14T00:50:00.001-08:00

Errr... here you go myself once again! Abruptly, I have to make a disclaimer. I've been having quite a few "topics" in mind to write about but this one really triggerred me so much that I crammed and turned out for me to make time in.. oh well.. blogging about it! Well, partially I did it offline while I was on the way to the office this morning and since I was in the shuttle public transportation here in Manila, I blogged! Guess how? Through my mobile as if I'm texting a long message to someone! The art of innovation! lol...

Reason behind, go figure! =P

Nothing beats friendship.

Even the bible itself records a lot of stuff about friendship and truly, it's one gem that if genuine, will truly serve as one of life's greatest treasure... and with that...we shouldn't simply take for granted. Well, there are times that as humans, we tend to "not be able" to express however and whatever we feel personally. I'd say be sure to find an outlet to be able to do so. Release of whatever it is because it's a GREAT feeling for the positive side of it and quite a relief, for the negative of it.

My vacation to Pinas enabled once again our so-called "SOP" (Simply Outrageous Pals) group to have a time of catching up and chillin'. It has been almost 15 years since we have had that "Valentine Picnic" in PUP grounds, hence the official formation of the SOP! Last night was quite not a passe' one or our usual "old-fashioned" way of doing "it". With the normal Len being the organizer (assisted by me :P), I was glad that we have had Digs as our designated driver for the night!

Four of us met up in Glorietta4 and we're all happy that Carol, the only mother in the group was able to join the fun! We drove a bit to the nearest "starred" gas station Caltex to pump gas, then off our exciting road trip without really knowing how to go to our desired destination - Tagaytay!

Well, we managed to reach Tagaytay primarily through the help of the signs! How I wish that "signs" in whatever we desire to have or to do are just as clear and direct as what we have on the road! In about less than an hour time, we started rolling down our windows to savour the cool wind and breeze of Tagaytay as we continue to hit the road!

Upon arrival at the heart of the place, we indulged ourselves to the "sinful" but yummy dinner dishes, famous in towm - Bulalo with matching Crispy Pata plus pinakbet! (Sheesshh.. how am I going to be a bridesmaid at Shirley's wedding then? Grrr... nevermind, I have about 4days before her wedding to at least flatten my tummy! :P)

Hot soup of bulalo in the midst of cold cold and starry starry environment, indeed, 'twas a sumptous and chilled dinner. After a short picture-taking at Leslie's vicinity, off we went to the nearby Starbucks for our "coffee" session =) Upon ordering, we went up at the open-air second floor area of it to continue plunging ourselves with the cool breeze. As we start to literally chill, I took out my laptop as per Len's instruction to bring it and showed her cute-wholeheartedly created AVP surprise (ask me what's AVP :P). Here you go the video:

(It took me the next day though to fully process and absorb that AVP... especially when I heard the background song of it, it's really "kewl".)

It was just 1am but we've decided to cut it out and drove down back to Manila already to be home. We dropped off Carol in Cavite then on the way, I suggested that the 3 of us go straight to Digs' place for an ON (Overnight or sleep over). In about 30mins or so time, we've reached our "homey" home base during our college days. The usual me felt nostalgic and started to blurt out the memories we have had in that room especially during thesis times! lol...

While in nostalgic mode, I paused and really savored everything in that so called friendship! Things started to dive in my heart and in my mind with regard to this certain treasure that helped me lived my life to its fullest....well.. i'm still alive so I should say "living" it to the fullest.

I must admit, our friendship have had its own up and down moments.... conflicts here and there in terms of characters. There was even a time that Digs' literally slapped my face in one of the classroom in our School building (lol), my ex has become Len's now ex already (nyehehehe :P) and a whole lot more.

However, we were all still in that bond of this unbeatable and well.. yeah unbreakable bond of friendship.

SOP - I appreciate each and everyone of you eventhough sometimes, I really can't bare some of your "trips"! Haha! Here's to LOVE! Cheers to the next.. uhmm.. 15 years? :D

Ooopppssie, for my other friends - please don't get jealous ya, you all have a place in my heart ;)

My Strengths? :P

2009-08-13T03:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this incremental year of mine is quite extra-ordinary! Reason? I ain't really sure but I'm sure there's one reason behind this 'coz I always do believe that everything happens for a reason :P

I remember there was once birthday of mine too whereby the whole house is flooded and all I gotta celebrate it is to help drain the flood from my room... that's funny I should say...singin' happy birthday to myself while doing the job of shoo-ing the water!

This year, I am not sure why I have to stay at home in bed to have some what they call it "rest"! In my mind, this is not a good time to rest since i think I was full of rest already so duh! Anyways, in between the hours of today, 13th August 2009... I happened to finally decided to take the test in the "StrengthsFinder" book that my manager gave me. Here you go the results:

My top 5 themes:
-Includer
-Connectedness
-Learner
-Restorative
-Positivity

1.) Includer: People who are especially talented in the Includer theme are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make an effort to include them.

By nature, you find a way to involve everyone so each person has a good experience. You strive to create a sense of belonging and acceptance. When someone feels left out, you often are the person who finds a way to engage that individual in the group’s activities and conversations. Because of your strengths, you make no claims of being a “morning person.” You need time to transition from sleeping to waking and from waking to working. You tend to gain physical energy and mental sharpness later in the traditional workday. Depending on your biological clock, your peak performance period can occur during mid-to-late afternoon, in the early evening, during the hours before midnight, or in the hours after midnight. Driven by your talents, you might welcome the company of numerous people. There may be some individuals with whom you choose to spend less time, however. Instinctively, you capitalize on your ability to ask questions and listen to people’s answers, especially when meeting strangers or newcomers. You might even be tempted to eavesdrop on what they are telling someone else. Not wanting anyone to feel like an outsider, you are apt to draw individuals into the conversation. Unquestionably, you search for reasons to involve them in your own or the group’s activities. It’s very likely that you derive a lot of satisfaction from doing things with people, especially those you know personally. Usually you are familiar with each one’s
unique abilities and personality traits. Frequently this information gives you an advantage when you work together.

2.) Connectedness - People who are especially talented in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.

By nature, you often experience an unexplainable and spontaneous bond between yourself and others. This is a natural occurrence with individuals whose talents, limitations, interests, goals, needs, or fears are apparent to you. Driven by your talents, you want people to seek your company and crave your friendship. Although you often sense you somehow know a person the very instant you meet, you usually are awed by the existence of this unexplainable yet very real bond. It’s very likely that you sense you are linked to all humanity. You contend that harming another human being eventually harms you. Misusing the environment has personal consequences, you argue. This perspective on life influences your thoughts, actions,
decisions, or choices. Chances are good that you consider people more important than things. The value you place on humankind guides your decision-making. It also influences what you say and do as well as what you choose not to say and do. Instinctively, you may be guided by the notion that no one can live life without some help from others. Perhaps this idea compels you to consider how what you do and say affects people you know and individuals you will never meet.

3.) Learner - People who are especially talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.

Because of your strengths, you long to gather information about individuals. Your “need to know” is rarely satisfied. The more facts you gather, the easier it is for you to understand the person’s unique strengths, limitations, interests, likes, dislikes, or goals. Unquestionably, you study human beings one by one. Your ongoing observations of selected individuals probably provide you with interesting insights into human nature. Chances are good that you sometimes toil without much rest. Maybe you want to pinpoint useful and intriguing facts. To some extent, you may need to explain why particular events unfolded as they did. Perhaps this information permits you to do more or better work. It’s very likely that you may appreciate opportunities to acquire knowledge, gain skills, or experience new things. Perhaps
you refuse to let your mind grow dull by being complacent — that is, smug or self-satisfied. Instinctively, you sometimes dedicate yourself to acquiring specific types of knowledge or using particular skills. Maybe you are self-taught. Maybe you work with an instructor, trainer, coach, or mentor. You might embrace opportunities to expose your mind to new ideas. You might welcome the chance to practice new ways of plying — that is, diligently practicing — a trade or a craft. Driven by your talents, you thirst for new ideas and knowledge. Often you lose yourself in a book. You pore over the ideas contained on its pages for long stretches of
time. Why? You want to absorb as much information as you can.

4.) Restorative - People who are especially talented in the Restorative theme are adept at dealing with problems. They are good at figuring out what is wrong and resolving it.

Because of your strengths, you periodically identify problems others fail to notice. You might create solutions and find the right answers. Perhaps you yearn to improve certain things about yourself, other people, or situations. Maybe you are drawn to specific kinds of classes, books, or activities. Why? Maybe they promise to give you the skills or knowledge you seek. Chances are good that you sometimes give thought to what you could do in the coming weeks, months, years, or decades. Perhaps you accomplish more when you have goals. Simply considering what you might do better may motivate you to excel at certain tasks. You might be inspired to use some talents more than you have in the past. Driven by your talents, you occasionally spend time pondering what you have an aptitude or gift for doing well. From time to time, you discover things you need to do a bit better. By nature, you might consider certain things you need to do better as a person or as a professional. When you are
reflecting on important matters, you might be surprised to discover how many hours have passed without your even noticing. Instinctively, you may be inclined to check and double check things you do or are accountable for doing. Perhaps you are motivated to make sure everything is done right. You occasionally identify areas where you might need to upgrade your skills for creating structure or putting things in order.

5.) Positivity - People who are especially talented in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.

By nature, you may have an exceptional desire to leave a legacy of value and worth — to live a life that matters. This partially explains why you are compelled to make a meaningful and lasting impact on the planet or people’s lives. Occasionally you urge individuals to do their part in making the world, or at least their little corner of it, a better place for all living things. Driven by your talents, you genuinely feel deep affection for all kinds of people. You naturally befriend individuals you encounter. They automatically sense you are kind and caring. You automatically discover reasons to like and appreciate them. Often you recognize good qualities they fail to see in themselves. Because of your strengths, you may tune in to
the emotions or needs of certain individuals. Perhaps your intuitive insights tell you if a person needs to be cheered up, offered support, or given approval. Occasionally this gift of yours helps specific types of people grow personally or professionally. It also may free some of them to feel good about themselves or what they can do. Chances are good that you hope that everyone befriends you. Your enthusiasm for life attracts people to you. Many individuals feel happier and more upbeat about life in general after they have spent time with you. Instinctively, you occasionally inspire people to try new things or adopt a more upbeat
outlook on life. Perhaps your words and/or your attentiveness bolster the self-esteem of others.

-end-

She feLt cheated..

2009-08-12T04:26:00.000-07:00

"I feel like cheated if like that", a very good friend blurted out to me when we were having some kind of a talk about some important stuff.

From her statement above, I silently admired her, how she cares for her friend. If that friend of hers could probably know more about how she cared, I guess... the friend will be more than flattered and perhaps I would say... couldn't find the very right way to express the gratitude =)

Anyhow, I somehow didn't really know what has "really" happened but whoever is that friend of my good friend.... I'm sure she/he will just be fine and okay, knowing that the probable hurt is somewhat shared by my friend feeling cheated too.

I hope it makes sense to you all.. LOL

Ta!

Mad Lion!

2009-08-10T04:28:00.000-07:00

There's a verse in the bible that says: in anger, do not sin! And another one, don't let the sun set and go down without getting rid of this kind of emotion!

My self-control is being harnessed.

Yeah, I can say I feel mad (or perhaps irritated to make it a little bit shallow!).

I just need an outlet to be able to let this one go quickly!!!! Oh well, the sun has set, but I guess I still have a few minutes to utilize before it formally comes to what we call "evening". I aint don't wanna sleep with it, ewww!

My known character of being jealous is being tested. Heck, I don't even have the right to be so and yet why is it that I think I'm feeling that way! "You're being rediculous!" I scolded myself. LOL... "Come-on cut the crap!" :P

No point, I should better focus myself to a good thought instead.

Wait, come to think of it. My being jealous helps me to improve self-control - not bad I guess. But hey, I gotta stop this being bad small "j" all the time! It's a taboo in the bible! Geezzz..

Ok, I'm done!

:P

a great kick-start gift..

2009-08-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

Fifteen minutes before my "one on one" talk with my manager, I decided to go to the pantry and just be consumed with the presence of silence.

I'd say, I feel dull at that moment. As I gaze at the mountains, I thought of God. I was trying to feel some kind of a different heartbeat but no extraordinary upbeat occured. Nevertheless, at the top of my mind and implicitly from the inner core of my heart, joy immersed. I shook my head and remembered something from a book I've read. Happiness is conditional, you need an object or subject to be able to feel it. However, joy is unbeatable, it has a higher value because hope arises... a hope that is only found in Him! The hope of bliss!

I blurted out, "Lord, I may feel dull at the moment, but I'm thankful that you have instilled joy deep within me. I surrender this perhaps another attack of loneliness unto Your mighty hands and I will be satisfied and contented with Thy presence in me.

Enough of so much of drama...lol. So I went to the room to proceed to my weekly meeting with my manager. Guess what? She started our talk with a very great news, which I have been hoping for... maybe two years already! I almost jumped out of my chair and shout out loud! I have put this thing in my faith - to be commenced next year but oh well, God is just awesome. I thought He just want to cheer me up after what I've just told him... about what.. like 15 minutes prior to the news! Clever and funny God I have! :D

Well, I don't wanna talk about my birthday but I suddenly thought that this is one great kick-start gift from Him.

=)

SriLanka Special Excerpt...

2009-08-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

-a special write-up excerpt while in Sri Lanka. I happened to grab my notebook and pen that time and started writing-

-but I'd say wait for more about the trip! :P

***

July 22, 2009
1:10pm local Sri Lanka time

*Letting "it" go*

I thank God for the flexibility of writing! At least I can simply grab a pen and a piece of paper (i'm more a conventional person :P) and let go of my current thoughts and feelings from within should I really need to let it out!

I'm in a van now on the way to Kandy, a city in Sri Lanka, when I suddenly (uhm, not really a sudden I guess) have this rush feelings of missing someone. I'd say..I consider this someone a new special gem in me. Whew! It's been quite a long time already I guess since I've felt this penetrated emotion, which is yet so special. I thought I'd pour it out in writing else I dunno what will happen to me..

Well, somehow "it" came just right in time after a "quite" not so good feeling of offense from a close friend too. With this special beat inside me, the offense just vanished! Yay!

With this missing someone special, I smiled. I can attest that it's a good one but somehow it's a little bit sad because I can recognize that it's tossed with sense of conscious fear embedded within. Sigh! I closed my eyes, reminding one of my most fave verse in the bible to myself, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Anyhow, at the corner of my heart, there's a different inkling of a smile that is filled with hope and enveloped with joy and happiness! :)

My deear Lord JC, I commit this great emotion into your mighty and strong hands! Please be with me as I go on this yet sort of a new journey of my existence! =)

-end-

When things become a "norm"...

2009-06-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

I was taken a back for a while when I received a forwarded text message this morning that contains the verse of Job 9:10, which says "He does great things too marvelous to understand".

It was a good reminder for me. I was convicted to have had read that verse as I realize I was operating in the "norm" of it already. It is the norm of knowing that He is indeed constantly doing great things too marvelous to understand, that is why it was quite a bit no big deal for me anymore - this is sooo not really good. You may ask, how can I say that. Here's a simple true-to-life example of an experience. There are mornings that when I walk on the way to the taxi-bay, I'd see birds around, hearing their chirping and then I'd normally run to them to chase them like a kid as they fly away. Then, i'll smile and enjoy their chirping, as i look into the sky following my gaze at them, hopping and jumping. Recently, yeah I still notice them but since it was like the norm already, the feeling is quite neutral already but ofcourse recognizing what God is sayin'.

I then remembered once, one of Pastor Sam's preaching that "familiarity" will somehow rub you from experiencing miracle from the Lord. I guess that's one of at least the "cons" of being familiar with something and/or with someone huh! Then I asked myself, is it really the case? :(((((( it's quite disgusting because the "leaping of the heart" isn't that high anymore but then the good part I guess is that.. it's embedded within me already. While is that so, I guess I shouldn't be complacent about it and must be proactively and cautiously into it! Anyhow, I guess just a head's up to everyone though... God's deed of great things doesn't have to be in favor of you or me okay.... and I'd say it won't always make you "happy" :P so beware! lol...

Apparently, while is that so.... I came to realize as I am typing this... that I am missing God so much... I dunno how or why but yeah... I miss Him dearly soooo much!

Familiarity somehow covered what I really feel from the very deepest part of me - the wanting and missing and loving Him so very much! What an irony!

Well, I gotta wrap this up and position myself to uncover what I feel flushing out familiarity and rediscovering the same Him in a new way!

Tata!

The plant in a corner...

2009-06-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

I just got back from watching the blockbuster "Transformer 2" with a bunch of awesome friends, but my mind was still in that plant at one corner in Nando's (a chicken resto here in Penang) instead of the movie itself - weird.

As I have taken note Optimus Prime's ending punchline: "With good memories, we live on!" (or something like that... I can't remember the exact wordings though ;P), my thoughts switched back to the above title.

Well, I decided to go to Queensbay say about 3hrs before the agreed meet-up dinner time. I'd thought to chill in Coffee Bean over a regular Latte first while starting a new book, which entitled "Strengths Finder".

Thirty minutes before the dinner time, I purposely went to Nando's to at least do an early reservation of a table for seventeen - now that's really called "a bunch!" :) The manager asked me to sit down in one table nearby the resto's entrance for a while and so my reading continues. I'm not sure why and how come... little I know, I turned to my right and saw a simple plant, which is located at the very corner. I stopped, keenly stared at the plant and after a while, I began to notice a beautifully-landscaped plant emersing at my sight.

I smiled.

I've recalled that there was a time, I know a girl who was just like that plant... someone mentioned that she was just around the corner, unnoticed but eventually some beauty emerged in her, which made that someone saw her. Quoting the person, "I was once blind but now I see". While is that so, something not so good happened afterwards (at least in the human's nature arena).

But just as what Optimus Prime said, I am sure that this girl will always cherish that good moment forgetting the not so good at all and then, live on! =)

At the moment, she is in that corner once again. She's living on - waiting and anticipating yet a new beholder that will not give up on the beauty gazed and choose to stay forever - just as the hope and promise instilled deep within her heart.

The plant in a corner.

unusual morning... sigh!

2009-06-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

This morning...I woke up realizing that tears flowing down my whole face, wandering about the question: why is it more painful when the one you love is the one hurting you? And somehow, there's a cloud of heaviness within my heart that is slowly being released as I cry out silently while cuddling in bed.

As tears continuosly flowing down my cheeks, my heart is somehow taking hold of God accompanying my sighing with words of prayer unto Him. I can't imagine myself without JC by my side... I wonder how God can do it when all of us whom He loves and majority are like walking away, hurting Him? I'm pretty sure He's hurt badly the way we do too since we are made in His image. But...nah.. He has done it all and won the victory...and me? I'm not God... that's why I need Him all the time.

Anyhow...at first, I thought it was just because of one good friend (or should I say used to be good friend?) who's been acting so weird lately that I asked myself why in the world I'm so offended in most of the person's gestures? It's a bit odd because when I think about other friends, it's a different of a scenario :S Anyhow, this situation is actually something not new to me anymore. Perhaps, the interval of time that lapsed makes me a little bit obnoxious that I tended to react this way. Errrr... crying is one good outlet Imma say.. but..yeah crying it out to someone is better... good thing I have that constant someone with me all the time :P

Well, I guess there's really nothing constant in this world except "change" and we just have to bear and deal with it - ofcourse not by our own might and own strength but by His Spirit and His Power.

I began to think about other things and other people as well as my day moves along. One way or another, there are a lot of people out there who may feel sadness, loneliness and a various kind of struggles and challenges... and the likes. After all, I'm not alone in that arena. Perhaps, I may have a little bit of edge or difference from the most - I have this someone's peace that surpasses all understanding, ultimate joy, & big-time hope of eternity .

For it is said, those who sow in tears will reap songs with joy!

Now, I gotta get ready to visit the "grannies" somewhere here in Penang.....

SHIRLEY MOY...

2009-05-14T19:04:00.000-07:00

Serious look from the outside, little cheeky deep inside.
Hommie type of a person, she's one friend I can lean on.
In the course of my stay here in Penang,
Rich moments together are treasured with a bang!
Little she knows...I value her so much.
Emblem of true love and friendship that is,
Yielded forever in the inner core of my heart.

Moving on for greater heights, she has my full support....
On the shadow of HIS wings, she will rise up and be anchored.
Yet while is that so, she'll be missed A LOT.

Shirley my dear....it has started to sink in already. Sigh, I'm not sure how to react when the time comes that you will finally be in SG. Anyhow, it's for your own good and growth. Promise to pray for me ALL the time as you know if not all, MOST of what's inside me. Thank you so much for being such a "lotsa" to me.... Thanks for listening to the things I am NOT speaking... Know that I'll be missing you every now and then! Love you sis! HUGZ!

what's up, dad?

2009-04-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

She's more than thankful for the blessings she has been receiving from Him especially caring friends (not to mention the "indirect" care others giving her..lol..). There was one friend of hers who was thoughtful enough to really wish her that someday she'll have the guy who will really take care of her - she thought, is she really difficult to handle? hahaha. What a compliment that he even blurted, "if only I'm not married" and yes this guy is married.. she bursted in laughter...

Most of her friends even telling her, "you deserve someone better". She will just normally shake her head, "everyone deserves better" she thought.

One time, she asked a friend.. why does she deserves someone better? The answer was, "Yes, you deserve someone better because you have so much love to give that it should be appreciated"... Well, she just kept quiet.

She thought that if her family and good friends can really care that enough for her, how much more her daddy up there? He should be up to something really really awesome :)

It was dawn time, she smiled and cuddled, grasping the cool breeze of the air clinging to that hope she has, looking forward to that very moment. Standing in that triangular shape of an area during one of the "stop over" on the way to an island (that was about 2-3am), she looked up and searched for the brightest star shining and whispered... "what's up, dad?"

:)

***

Level of commitment? (Sakae-Sushi excerpts)

2009-03-31T06:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been wanting to blog about the above for quite some time already (as usual) ...but just as what I've always been saying, no mood or rather no triggering factor! Finally, I've experienced something recently that made me sit down and write on this one! I guess I should not let the "triggerred-me-to-write" mood pass by, else this will just vanish and end up to nothing! You're asking what was the factor or rather I should say "what were the factors"? Oh well, first it was having such opportunity to have lunch in Sakae-Sushi (in KLCC) with the person who gave the statement I have well taken note about the above (long time ago already)... and guess what? In a Sakae-sushi resto as well, here in Penang! :P The other one would be the liners I've managed to highlight using my marker in the book I'm currently reading (and hopefully ill finish soon!) entitled "Joyfully Single" by Harold Sala, while waiting in Starbucks near Aquaria and having cupssss of coffee. lol.

"The level of commitment of one is not as much with the other that's why majority end up in break-ups or end up being single instead, also some are afraid of commitments so..." - I believe this was roughly the statement a good friend blurted out during that "dinner" with another friend in Sakae-Sushie in Queensbay. Please pardon me as this has happened a looong time ago already and as far as my memory is concerned that's the statement :P I can still clearly recall how I nodded agreeing to what he has said, which practically makes sense right? Offline - I checked myself how committed I am to a certain thing especially in a relationship. Not that I'm lifting my own bench but I am committed :P I began recalling my "good ol' days" when I had a long distance relationship once. I was still studying that time and because I'm attached, I never dated other guys and even allowed some invitations by a guy to go out. There was even a time that one girlfriend of mine told me that I can actually do whatever I want to do, maybe play around and the likes...since my boyfriend is in the US. I just told her "no way girl, I'm not like you :P"

Now for the liners (or quotes or whatever! :P) I've highlighted in the mentioned book, check these stuffs out (disclaimer: might be long but it's worth reading!). These are the lines I liked in the book:

*..Accdg to dictionary, commitment is the act of giving or putting something in the trust of another. In the broader sense, it is the act of pledging or binding yourself to a certin course of action or to a person as the case may be."

*Commitment is the decision to go forward in a relationship, to hang in there when the going gets tough, to take one more step when you are convinced all strength is gone. Commitment is the decision to stand by someone no matter what the temperature of a relationship may be or the force of the wind that blows against it.

*Commitment is at the foundation of all human relationships.......To be a human is to long for commitment from others.

*Commitment goes far beyond relationships. (here's what I really like...) No cause, no endeavor, no goal can really be attained without commitment.

*(and this one is the best)... In giving something through commitment, however, you GAIN far more than you give up!.

Pretty heavy liners huh?! Do the above make sense to you because for me - yes they do. Sounds scary?! Be afraid NOT! :) Especially reading the last liner again - looks like it's saying there's an ROI when you commit yourself :)

I dug my "quotes" collection from my archives and found this: "A decision is made with the brain. A commitment is made with the heart. Therefore, a commitment is much deeper and more binding than a decision."

Well... you just need to do it by putting your heart in it :)

Oh btw, I enjoyed both dinner and lunch Sakae-Sushi events!

***

somebody...

2009-03-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He'll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

***

the door next to me..

2009-03-16T17:26:00.000-07:00

A while ago when I was taking my normal cup of coffee from the vendo machine in one of our pantries, I've glanced the heavy outpouring of the rain - it was so darked outside. Some known and unknown colleagues came in through that door, some are wet some are not. They managed to make it to the office inspite of that heavy rain - good one!

Checked some emails and a bit of reading when I turned my back to the door neaby my desk, I'm amazed to glance the sunshine this time. I said, that was quick! Can't help it, I went out and stood there beside the door...staring the beautiful scenery I can see. Sunshine has started to emerse from within the haze caused by the rain, magnificent mountains and trees, some cars parked nearby, some people walking. I sniffed the cool breeze of the wind and closed my eyes to digest the awesome sight I just gazed upon - how I wish I had a handy camera with me to snap that view! Nevermind, my eyes and heart managed to capture it so vividly!

Sunshine after a quick rain - deep inside I was reminded. These turmoil or crisis or whatever you wanna call it that are happening around, are just quick rains...the sun will rise again...sunshine will come...

The door next to me - gave me access to the reassurance of God's faithfulness and being in control :)

Look around us - God may be using simple, ordinary or typical things to remind us that HE IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! Smile and be grateful :)

***

When I Met You....

2009-03-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

I called home this morning, and to my surprise my niece answered the phone. After a short talk explaining to me why she's not in the school, she blurted out that she has a song to sing for me... here you go the lyrics - and I thought of Him! i feel like singing right now..la la la..~~~ check out the song in this link: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HexI3etJh7s>

When I Met You :)

There I was, an empty piece of a shell
Just mindin' my own world
Without even knowin'
What love and life were all about

Then you came
And brought me out of my shell
You gave the world to me
And before I knew
There I was so in love with you

Chorus:
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began
When I met you

I love the touch of your hair
And when I look in your eyes
I just know, I know, I'm on to something good
And I'm sure, my love for you will endure
Your love light up my world and take all my cares
Away where they can't bother me

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
You taught me how to love
You showed me how tomorrow and today
My love, is different from the yesterday
I knew, you taught me to love
And darlin' I will always cherish you
Today, tomorrow and forever...

And I'm sure, when evening comes around
I know we'll be making love
Like never before
My love, who could asked for more

(Repeat Chorus)
When I met you...
When I met you...

Love you so much JC! :)

Making Decisions.

2009-02-24T21:29:00.000-08:00

"What's wrong with being number two?" - This is one of the many liners I like from the "Tuesdays with Morrie" movie we've watched (I've read the book too though), during the retreat last weekend. I paused upon hearing it, and thought that there's really nothing wrong with it unless it has got something to do with "morality" issue (message me if you want to deep dive on this).

Talk about being a person who always wanted to be the number one and be on top of everything especially during my schooling days - half-way of my college/uni days, I have come to realize that there's really nothing wrong with it. That's just the way it goes and it's a matter of what standpoint or paradigm you're seeing it.

The above title is basically the second key learning I managed to grasp during the said retreat.

Making Decisions.

While is that so, I'm not really sure why the urge of writing about it came first and I thought of kicking this blog off with "What's wrong with being number two?" statement LOL. Just a head's up on the first one though - Love, Life, and Death (soon to be blogged! lol)

Making a decision about a certain thing is indeed and really not easy especially if your desire is for the good of everybody (talk about being the decision maker of the family at a young age? lol). However, I'd say there's always the so-called "pros and cons" for every angle and very seldom that we'll fall into what they call it a "win-win" situation. And as such, that's what makes decision making quite a challenge and for some "scary" if I may say so. Ofcourse, we are responsible for our own "decision/s" (although by right, it's originally "we are responsible for our own action" lol) and more often than not, there are certain consequences to it.

I was trying to recall my "stenography" or "short hand" ability during the retreat to write down as much learnings I can write but surprisingly when I was reviewing my notes, this learning isn't in my notebook! I guess my mind and heart managed to capture it vividly and remained deep within.

Pastor Victor slightly talked about decision making that night and I like it the way he has stated things related to it - I described it as "spiritually realistic!" Short and direct but impactful. He said not to be afraid of making decisions most especially if your relationship with God is healthy. Yeah, we may have the tendency to make mistakes in deciding but if your relationship with God is that good... for sure God is there to help us and keep us from being drowned if ever the decision wasn't the right one - made me realize to be proactively conscious and cautious how's my relationship and communing with Him! I then began to recall every decision I made in which I experience the so-called "failure" and then assessed how was my relationship with God then hehehe... There were a few that really hoaned me and made me stronger and if I may say better... and there were some as well that really broke me to the "nth" times. Some of those, my relationship with God was kinda "so-so" only. Somehow, it figures with some of my past experiences..lol..

Well, Pastor Victor used a very "typical" example. What else? Choosing "the one" when it comes to marriage (somehow it was a bit subjective for guys though..lol). I was shaking my head and smiled..lol... indeed, this is one of the "all-time favourites" as an example. While he highlighted the importance of having a healthy relationship with God, he also reiterated that "never ever make a decision unless you hear from God clearly". He emphasized the act of "waiting" upon what God is saying. But, the good and realistic side of what he said in that specific example is that.... just in case you really think that you are bound of time and "biologically" you can't wait that long to hear from God, he said "choose the girl who can help you grow with God." Somehow, I can agree to that but felt a bit sad 'coz it was subjective for guys. But hey! I realized it can be applied as well for women! :P What do you think?

So much for that.

Anyhow, yeah making decisions isn't easy. I remember once... I shared to some friends that I want my "man" to make all the decisions and that I can only give suggestions but the final decision will coming from "him" and all I'd do is to support that.... I'd say probably not really this time. I guess each one of us should know the importance of making decisions and decide on our own. Somehow for married couples, I'd say both parties should agree at "a" common decision since the two has become one already.

Anyways, whatever decision each one of us need to make - be assured that God will always be in control and will help us most importantly if we are anchoring unto Him constantly.

Take care now.

***

.few stuffs for married couples.

2009-02-18T04:16:00.000-08:00

Well.. it's not the end of February yet! And you know what already whenever February comes, although I personally believe that every month should be treated as February also hehe...

Last Sunday, while I've decided to join my Pinoy friends in the other church.. I still thought of my Spiritual family's church service. Earlier, I already knew that there will be renewal of marriage vows for married couples in my church. I bet it was a very sweet and heart-warming event for everyone :) (talk about being a hopelessly romantic person huh! LOL) Well...I'd say sort of an advantage for me not to have attended that also 'coz I might feel enviuos...and that's bad right? lol.. :P:P

Anyways, I have this small laminated card in my wallet in which I kinda stole from my mom's wallet...(well not really since I asked permission first before I got it =P) , in it are some few stuffs written for couples - it basically came from the Couples' Ministry in my home church in Pinas!

Read on and enjoy!

~Things every couple should know~

The value of a hug
How to say "I'm sorry"
Your spouse is priceless
How to agree more and argue less
Unexpected gifts can bring pleasure
The simple intimacy of holding hands
How to appreciate and accept the differences in your partner
The importance of courtship after marriage (guys, take note :P)
The thing that triggers that hurt feelings
How to make your spouse laugh
One compliment a day isn't too many
How to make every anniversary a celebration
How to give your spouse a visible expression of love

Hope the above will be penetrated to all of you who have read this. For singles - in your future married life. For married - in your everyday marriage journey!

God bless you all :)

***

Facebook fever?

2009-02-14T22:03:00.000-08:00

"We need to be connected in a 'deeper way'.... to be up-close and personal..." - these were some of the liners from the preaching I've heard today, which stuck in my mind and now in my heart since I am writing about it.

As I quote the Pastor in that church, "All these Facebook, Multiply, Friendster, etc. etc. existing that makes the world smaller help us to be connected with one another..." I was repeatedly nodding since I can absolutely relate to the stuffs mentioned especially Facebook and Friendster! lol.

But then, as I listened well about the statement "We need to be connected in a deeper way.." it is being echoed to me over and over again and my on-going contemplation and observation about the usage of stuffs like Facebook and Friendster, and even the Internet macro itself were deepened. As I am a person who always wanted to do things and even connect to people in a very personal way, I feel that I need to be cautious on the way I do things in relating to people using the world wide web.

Let's talk about Facebook now. At least from where I am right now, Facebook usage to the majority (at least in my personal opinion) is overflowing. You will know if a person is sick, if someone had an accident, if someone is sad or happy, if somebody is travelling or having holidays in other places, if one person is cooking or taking shower (can you imagine? :P), or sleeping or whatever lah... via Facebook. And for sure, some people give some comments whenever the "status" is being updated. Good one! From there, I can say that somehow people can show their concerns but for some I can say that they give comments for "fun" and maybe to "bully" others? Ooppss.. beep-beep - no offense ya?

But how is the level of connection using Facebook or other Internet-based tools? Do you think it's on the side of a "deeper" way? Is it that meaningful?

I feel bad whenever I login into my Facebook seeing people talking to each other through it when in fact, they are just sitting right next to each other in their cubicles? Or maybe they are in the same vicinity (or maybe building) that they won't even find time to meet up "personally" and chit-chat? I mean I can understand if the people are way physically far from each other that they "communicate" or "talk" via Facebook or any other "internet-related" means of communication but with such proximity, how can they still make use of Facebook and etc? I remember I asked one friend how is he communicating with his sister. Guess what was the answer? - Facebook. I was like stunned since they aren't really far from each other - for myself, my sister is like oceans apart to me so Internet is useful in that essense :P Me, being a personal person, whenever my cube-mates or colleagues sitting just right next to me update something in their Facebook, I would turn my head, talk, and respond to them face to face! :P

I remember I was shaking my head when I read an email once with pictures of the "new era" ways of communicating. I was like laughing out loud when I saw the photo of describing how the parents from the other room called their son, who is in the other room for dinner - through Internet. I admit, there are times that when I and my housemates are in our own rooms we message one another via Windows Live Messenger, but maybe because we know the importance of "personal touch", we would burst out in laughter and will go out of our rooms and talk personally :)

I'd say those things will describe the level or I'd say "deepness" of their connection huh... what do you think?

I am one person who is in awe with the existence of Internet. I was (or maybe still..I should say..) a chat addict. However, let me share with you that it did NOT stop there. I have a lot of good friends whom I've met through Internet but that was just the start of it and I see to it that I am having that "personal", face-to-face spending of time with them. I came to know more of them by meeting up with them, exhanging thoughts, ideas, stories, and experiences personally.

Lotsa friends highlighted to me that it's a good tool to get connected and to be updated on whatever stuffs going on to that specific person. I'd agree to that, no questions asked :)

Facebook, or any other internet-related tools can be very useful in various ways. However, I can say it's a good starter or "igniter" but let us NOT just stop there.... let us NOT allow these things to degrade our level of connection and communication with people most especially to love ones and close treasured friends :)

Let's log-off and meet up with them personally - a deeper, more genuine, more meaningful and enjoyable way of getting connected! =)

***

You changed my life :)

2009-02-11T03:43:00.000-08:00

The nights the sky was filled with clouds
My worried mind was filled with fears
I couldn’t count all the lonely hours
Spent with memories and tears

I never thought I would see the day
When I could throw all my sorrow away
But then you came and you showed me the way
You have made all those times disappear

You changed my life in a moment
And I’ll never be the same again
You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

I never thought that I could change
Could change so much in so many ways
I’m still surprised when I look in my mirror
To see that I still look the same

You changed my life in a moment
And I’ll never be the same again
You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

You changed my life
I’ll never be the same

You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

***

When you fall in love..

2009-02-05T08:34:00.000-08:00

Wanna share this to my constant readers :) and to all my new readers... well.. just in time for what I have in mind to blog soon. It's about "adultery" - sequel of this blog..read on and process it!
***

When You FALL IN LOVE (Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy) By: Bo Sanchez

This article isn't for teenagers only. Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) Ithappens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy,not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter. All ofus fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them. Let's begin..........

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL.

Let me qualify. This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not. If you believe in this myth, you might do the following: You overlook major obstacles in your relationship. Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of ar unning vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street istelling you to lace his drink with poison. But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and meagainstthe world" Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past threeyears!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in whenhe's inthe office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No,he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say,'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say,'No, he's into cross stitching.' You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him. The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious. If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility. Especially compatibility in the area ofvalues and mission in life.

I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We'reboth born in July." Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still.The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background. One week later, he's your boyfriend. Afew weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months). Your mind says, 'Dump him' Your heart says,'But it was love at first sight!' Here are the consequences ... You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side ofthe relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other? You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'. One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay.He's kind,he's responsible, he has a good job.......' "I could hear a'but' coming ,"I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh" "none. When I see him, the background musicI hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei..." "listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..." I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear." It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material. What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too muchweight.

Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER

No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth : You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place. Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork" How do you react?Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.' Six months down the road,the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore."Ngggggoork." What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!' What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this:'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat. You start blaming your partner for the loss of love. This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.

Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Lesstraveled) Falling in love isn't love. Here's why.

When you fall inlove.....
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort isrequired. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work isrequired. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the otherhand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hardwork. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY

Again because falling inlove satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.

Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them . There are just some things your husband can'tgive you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own.

I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life. Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE

If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse. One man told me,'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work.She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When Igo home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work." Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery. Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows. But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.

***

the DRs of my DR events!

2009-01-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

I had a cute time this morning when I ate a "Duck Rice" meal in Happy Cafe before going to church. The duck rice was good and talk about eating it in "happy" cafe made me smile. Alone in that cafe, I look around and stare at people with joy inside my heart. Feeling God's presence in me and telling me I'm not alone at all =) God is good! All the time! He's everywhere!

I'd say I've enjoyed it so much that triggered me to finally blog about the above! It has been weeks since I thought about it but the urge and mood wasn't really there so I procrastinated a bit.. sorry about that. lol. anyhow... here you go...

*the "Delayed Reaction" of my "Duck Rice" events!*

I can't really remember when was that but the first DR event I've well taken note of is when I had that duck rice lunch with two good friends, Siew Ching and Eugene somewhere in town. They've told me that it's where the BEST duck rice in town. We came from somewhere that we ended up eating our lunch there. The setting was simple yet gave me a powerful insight. I have been with these two for quite a lot of trips and all already but this duck rice lunch experience struck me and really hit me. I have observed the real importance of friendship in a BGR or Boy Girl Relationship so to speak. The two were very good good friends before they've decided to go to the next level of it, which is having a relationship. Ofcourse it was initiated by the man, Eugene and I remember how he really struggled (*peace*) during the time his feelings for her was really overwhelming and that he felt that it wasn't time to confess to her yet.... aside from the fact that there were "other" guys roaming around my girlfriend so to speak. Finally... he did.. just in time before Siew Ching can entertain other "friends" also... lol...

Friendship with opposite sex is very important in every "next level" of relationship that anybody can have. May it be going to a relationship of boyfriend-girlfriend up to moving one notch higher, which is marriage..I'd say the toughest one huh? Married people do you agree? :P

A couple of weeks back, another duck rice event made me realize a different dimension of friendship. It was a Sunday as well by the way. That Sunday, I was preparing to go to church when I received a text message from Shirley whether I wanna have breakfast first. I said ok and off we went. We didn't really know where are we eating then the idea of going to Happy Cafe came. There you go our heavy "Duck Rice" breakfast! Somehow, I can say that Shirley and I have a few similarities but the percentage of differences is indeed higher. However, I can say that we have this kind of friendship that is bonded through our inner hearts and with love.

Friendship doesn't necessarily mean you have the same likes all the time. What's important is you understand each other and that the common thing that you have is "love".

Duck rice is yummy! I hope to have more duck rice events! :))))))

***

B. U. S.Y.

2009-01-30T20:40:00.000-08:00

I am reading a book specifically for great women who are in bullshit relationships. Ooppsss... pardon me for the word "BS" :P

I was on the quarter part of the book when I read about the below (and I quote the author for it :P)...... read on!

"I'm about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule: The word "busy" is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word busy is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call...." - Funny that this reminded me of my Host Manager who once shared to me that he will always call his wife the moment he has reached his destination and the moment he got back to the hotel everyday..whenever he's travelling, where ever! Admirable.

While the above statement is basically referring to BGR (this includes hubby and wifey ya), I guess the "busy" thingy can also be applied to any type of relationships possible may it be family, friends, and.. oh well.. depends on the level of relationship you have to anybody.

I remember that the word "busy" is dubbed as an acro for "Being Under Satans' Yoke". I can recall one email I've received talking about Satan giving commands to his legion to do all things that would make "humans" busy - the main goal? To destroy relationships! It's scary and I hate it!

That is why... whenever I, out of the blue, have used the word "busy" I feel convicted! LOL...

Anyways, I can totally agree with the above statement. That is why I always believe that wisdom and discernment are very important including our prioritization of "valuable" things not neglecting proper time management :)

***

indeed miracle..

2009-01-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

I came home from work at about 11pm tonight. A friend chatted with me and asked why am I still online since it's a bit late already. I responded "checking some emails" and "expecting a miracle". Indeed, I got one in which I'm trying to apply thru blogging!

"You look sad, Becky" - This was the greeting of our Senior Pastor when we were done with our recent morning prayer. I was surprised to have heard that from him. I replied "really Pastor?". Then deep inside I whispered, "yeah...I think I am."

Way back... when I was helping out Pstr Mei in cooking for our Christmas eve CG Dinner.. I remember she mentioned to me about what Pstr Eddie has noticed with me lately. He noticed that I looked down and sort of out of focus. Well... I did my best to hide whatever that is inside of me but somehow, it is still showing.. maybe for a few who really knows the deeper "me". Talk about what I've felt in the "Vaguely Numb" blog huh! Anyways, I'm glad to know and feel that God is really walking with me in these times of "whatever"! The more I need to anchor and cling unto Him fully and just trust in Him completely, never letting Him go and asking Him to never let me go.

And so the miracle happened when I managed to read one regular "Devotional" I am receiving. It says.. I just simply need to WAIT upon God. The thing is... this waiting includes a LOT of stuffs like acceptance, admittance, transparency, and solitude. HHhmmm.. maybe I really really need solitude huh.. anyhow... I was relieved knowing that whatever this thing inside me is normal and I am somehow thankful that it's happening for me to rely MORE on God.

Anyways.. below is the link of it.. a bit long though but worth reading...Check it out!

http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/Default.aspx?tabid=97

***

Desiderata

2009-01-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

Sharing with you all the below... You may or may not agree to some thoughts but at least, it'll give you some ideas....Enjoy and be blessed! :)

***
Desiderata (by Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1952)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.Strive to be happy.

***

she being cheeky.

2009-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

one good friend told her that she's like a gold, hidden in a pot in a rainbow's end.
- hMmMmm..
she was flattered and delighted, then smiled.
- Ahahaha..
that same friend told her she deserves someone better
- eRrRrr..
she shook her head, 'coz she thinks that everyone deserves the "better" not just her! :)
- AhIhIhi..
her another friend blurted to have a very high expectation to her "man"
- KaBoOmb!
surprised as she is, asked herself how come she doesn't set any expectation for herself? well... it's more on "hoping" than "expecting" for her.
- hEhEhe..
expectation will disappoint you, hope will raise up your faith!
- & Etc..
people find her very strong and yet little they know...
- sheEsSsSss..
there's certain weaknesses inside her though.
- aHaHaYyyy..

enjoy! :)

Love is blind? Love at first sight?

2009-01-17T00:26:00.000-08:00

Talk about famous "one-liners", the above title are quite common and usual Imma say when one is inlove and trying to justify a few stuffs about how they feel- hey I'm talkin' about the love to opposite sex ok?! :P If I remember it right, I have used the above liners as well in my past relationships...lol...

As far as I can remember, I have a few friends who don't really believe in the above thus they're sayin' about "liking" someone first only then love will develop. Now I think that makes sense. Liking in it's essence is one starter I should say, a reason to initiate things and proceed to some "level-up" move!

As Pastor Sam pointed us to the passage as per below in Philippians 1:9-11 during our today's morning prayer, I remember the below statement of one very dear friend I have (or had):

"I know her so well that I cannot fall inlove with her".

The above statement from time to time entertains my mind and somehow supports my... I should say now a more "matured" principle when it comes to "love", which is - Love is a decision and a choice!

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1:9-11.

That's what the passage is saying... and Pastor Sam emphasized on the part of "in knowledge and depth insight" and then the rest of the verses follow. The "love is blind" liner emerged in relation to this and I added up the "love at first sight" thingy. He somewhat said that you cannot be blind if you have the knowledge and depth insight of the person whom you'll love or you love. I like the way he shifted the thought to the love of God and our love for God.

If you don't love God, you can love something or somebody, and that somebody could get you in trouble. In the same way in eating, if you don't eat nutritious food you can be eating junk food. Well, if we don't know how much God love us so much... we might end up doing things just to make other people love us... we might find love in the wrong places... ooppps!

So everyone, may your love abound more and more in knowledge and depth insight ya?

As for me? I earnestly pray that in times of loneliness, I will find comfort in Him! That in times of luke-warm temperature, I will always opt to be warm with Him! Always on-fire regardless of the weather deep within me.

Above all, I will always be reminded of how God loves me and that in any circumstances (for better or worst, etc. etc.) I will always be truly, madly, deeply inlove with Him! :)

***

Play no more...

2009-01-13T02:56:00.000-08:00

"Lord, I don't wanna play- play with a lot of girls anymore. I want to get serious with life already and get started with having my own family. Will you please show me the girl you've chosen for me?".

Kuya Jerry shared the above prayer to me when he was still here in Penang. It was about his turning point to quit playing "games" and get really serious with his life as a man and praying for his better half. Well... he was young then (if I'm not mistaken about 21 or 22 y/o) but perhaps his thinking was that matured already. He has shared to me that he's consider a bit "close-to-girls" so to speak and kinda did some play play stuffs...lol. Then he noticed Ate Irene.. and the rest is history =)

I am in the middle of lotsa workloads in the office when I suddenly remembered Kuya Jerry and his wife Ate Irene. We call our considered "older" brother kuya and A-te for the sister side (sometimes used for "lambing" aka "manja-manja"). They are both my closest when Kuya Jerry was still working here in Penang and eventually decided to to go back Manila to be with his family. By then, ate Irene was travelling back and forth to Penang and Manila to be with Kuya and at the same time to look after their teenager kids. It was from him that I have first heard of the "GPC" thingy. You know what's that right? :P (God's Perfect Choice). Oh well, I hope that everything is fine with both of them though...

It's amazing that in a man's life, this specific point of their lives do come - at least for quite a percentage, this is happening.. but I'd say probably not for all? :) If that happens - it's admirable =)

As of now, there are 2 men in my life - my dad and my brother. Ofcourse, my dad is out of this range already... my brother? Definitely yes. He's turning 19 this February and I wonder what's on his mind? Whenever I call home and speak to him, I used to tease and ask him..."so what are your plans in life?"... I can't remember any firm answer from him though and instead he will pass back the phone to my mom. Oh dear.. oh well.. that's why I always pray for my brother that he will come to a certain point of realization and contemplation of his life. How i wish I can really talk to him.. but not really..*sigh*

Guy-friends? Yes, I have a lot. Here, there, and everywhere. I am not sure if they all have plans though but I guess there should be and I do hope so :P

As for the women (I'm not gonna be bias here..lol), well..I've got some girlfriends who are saying they wanna enjoy their single lives to the fullest (sort of a playing mode also) but I guess majority are in the serious mode - like me :P...lol...

Don't wanna play no more....

How about you? do you wanna play no more?

***

Fasting to get engaged?

2009-01-11T02:50:00.000-08:00

"I'm fasting to get engaged!" - I laughed out loud when I heard this from my sister as I talked to her when I called home this morning.

As I woke up looking forward to the Sunday church service, I decided to call my family back home in Manila. I talked to my mom, my niece Zyrille, and my sister Cecille.

It's gonna be the 7th birthday of Zyrille tomorrow so I greeted her in advance and explained to her that this year would be no kiddie party for her. I told her that she doesn't have to have party but instead, be thankful for whatever she has. She is still blessed to have shelter, to be able to eat everyday and is going to school everyday - I explained to her in the kiddiest possible I could!

Talked to my mom a bit and she has mentioned that my sis is in fasting mdoe. I eventually spoke to my sister. We did some "kamustahan" (how are you's?) and I teased her to ask what are the things she's fasting for. She has mentioned their church's prayer and fasting items then at the end blurted the first liner as per above. Then, I suddenly remember my first ex- bf's story when he proposed to his fiancee'. He fasted for a week and then propose to Jennifer and then she said yes! Hmmm.... should I do the same? No way I'm gonna propose man! I'm just gonna say "Yes!" LOL.

It was true that I bursted out in laughter but was stopped by my ownself when I realized that I have been praying for the same thing for quite some time already. She then asked what about me, what are my faith goals. I just simply answered, "i'm praying to get married!" (lol) then she asked when? I smiled. As she shared about her fasting items, she mentioned about their Pastor sharing his urge to pray for all the singles in their church. I told myself, "not bad huh... it's not just our church who are full of singles but others too" lol. Anyhow, she told me that their Pastor is praying for the singles to get married and his concern is about the next generation of families in the church - I was like wow!

Then I recalled my last week's one on one talk with Pstr Mei - a woman pastor of my current church. I can't really recall how we ended up talking about love, courtship, and marriage when in fact it wasn't my purpose of speaking to her.

"Funny huh, so many singles wanna get into marriage and yet they don't know that so many married people wanna get out of marriage". - I was shocked to have heard that then felt a bit scared about it. Well... not really scared that much though.

If I remember it right, I've been ready to get married and Imma say..I almost ended up marrying (hehe^^)... but somehow I believe God made a way for me not to.... yet..... well, single life has some advantages - it's a fact. I'd say..I'm just gonna enjoy it while waiting for GPC and GPT...God's Perfect Choice and God's Perfect Timing :)

"God always give the best to those who leave the choice to Him" - read this somewhere :P

Anyways... let me pray about whether I'll fast or not... anyhow.... i don't need to tell the whole world that I am on fasting if ever I am right? :P (Matthew 6:16)

***

this i know...

2009-01-08T00:20:00.000-08:00

"Though the sorrow may last for a night, His joy comes in the morning"!

While I admit, I was totally clueless how I felt last night right after our prayer drive in the FTZ zone area of Penang... I'm glad that this morning was a precise one - joy! Last night was horrible but a good friend really pacified me and stirred my hot plate deep within to at least have the heat evaporated! Thanks dew-peace, mwah!

Woke up the usual early morning hour at about 7am recalling the above scripture, made me smile and giggle. Grab my fave Book and read on some verses from the book of Acts and 1 Corinthians. Every morning, I always see to it that I stir myself in praying even just mentioning the names of anybody who would pop up my mind. Ofcourse, mainstay will be my family and people whom I'm very close with. Continued preparing myself for work and walked past through the taxi bay across the shopping complex nearby.

It was almost 9am and somehow I wasn't pissed off with the traffic I was experiencing. Without hesitation, I grabbed my Book to try to search which specific verse is the above. Well... I've ended up into a scripture that enhanced the emo. I currently have...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4.

An unexplainable trial took place last night - a totally one of a kind, which makes it even harder for me 'coz I can't even pinpoint it..yaiks! freaky huh! =) and yet James is saying to consider it as pure joy.

Pure joy - this i know :)

***

Vaguely numb...

2009-01-07T06:37:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why such a vague numbness within.
The very emotion I hate every now and then.

"Why" and "how come" are the questions emerging,
Within my rational mind, I just can't imagine.

Frozen state that ends up to tears flowing
From the inner core of it, I dunno what's happening.

Oh please, deliver me from this I humbly plead.
With all due sincerity, I ask of Thee to lead.

***

A boy's father-figure...

2008-12-30T04:06:00.000-08:00

"A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map."

This is a significant and heavy one-liner included in the "Introduction" of the current book I'm reading, "The Way of the Wild Heart" (A map for the masculine journey) by John Eldredge. I don't really know what brought me interested into reading this book. However, with just the introduction itself, it made me more eager and interested to finish it soon! The author was kinda "talkin'" to his men readers and surprisingly sounded like talkin' to women readers along the way also - referring to mommies raising boys. Uhhhmmm....Well.. probably because I've finish the book "Captivating", which is the "woman" version of this book so might as well read the man's version huh!

Anyhow, I just started the book! And I have felt and recognized already the importance of a father to a "boy"! Made me think of my one and only brother back home and tried to recall how's his relationship with my dad and vice-versa :S Errr.. I can say.. it wasn't that really close and good though - that is based on my observation. I can say that they have quite a bit of generation gap since my brother was born when my father was like 42 years old already!

Then I remember my cousin. He purposely married like so early... I can't really recall but I think he got married even before he reached his 30's! His reason? He has mentioned to me that he wants his children (especially if a son) to be like his brother or friend also and not just his son... so that they can get along well.... I'd say.. he did make sense! and I think my cousin's goal is really to be able to be a good father-figure to his son! My nephew is like around 8 years old now =)

Then made me think about my "guy" friends who somehow had some issues with the "dad" thingy. I have a couple of close friends whereby their dads have left them or something like that :( As I thought of them, my heart sank because of so much concern... I ended up closing my eyes and uttered a simple prayer for them having at least a good-father figure even if it wasn't their own-biological father. Made me suddenly mad a bit about my niece's dad abandoning her.... Good thing... our baby ZyriLLe is a girl (she's our angel!) - at least mommies can handle =P

Anyhow, I shall continue reading the book and will add up some postings should there be a leading for me to do so...

So guys... who's your father-figure? If you don't have yet... I'd say... look for one so you won't get lost and be a useless explorer/wanderer :)

And for those men who have one way or another abandon a son... please think twice if you want your son/s to be the same. Be a man! and be responsible enough of your "actions"!!!

***

out of my control..

2008-12-27T23:41:00.000-08:00

"we cannot control everything but we can control our attitude" - This liner or something like this was well taken note by my mind. I began to think and check how's my attitude about things I can't control from my end.

Lately, there are a lot of things I'm concerned of that seemed look like way uncontrollable....

-voicing out to some friends about their attitude and stuffs,
-other situations that involve a lot of people
-concerns for other people
-sheperding related stuffs
-my personal stuffs
-etcetera, etcetera

Knowing me, i try to epxress whatever it is in my mind as much as I can. Like for instance, I have somehow scolded (if you can call that scolding) a friend about one attitude he/she has towards a persoan. Stopped a bit but then came back to the old routine once again... i said.. i'm not gonna speak up anymore...he/she knows what he/she is doing....

Another one is by constantly reminding another friend to be cautious and careful about things related to the very thing that has hurted that person very much.

And I'd say a lot of other things still....

Wait a minute, what about myself... hmmm... I remember one friend has stated once the following lines about me... "I cannot control her and I don't know how to control her.... very difficult to control her... etc. etc.." Then I began to ask myself, control me on what? Can somebody give me some insights on this? I need to know! so that i can check myself as well if I'm being too much on something...

Anyhow, the relief part of this - God is in total control.

He will... one way or another speak to me and to the people I'm very much concerned, twist the situations that is bound to happen connected to me and a lot of other higher ways and thoughts of God.

My dearest Lord, I commit and surrender to you everything that is within my heart and my mind. I ask that you release the burden in me and that your comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding will reign deep within the very me.

Thank you.

***

"Feelings-Deficient"

2008-12-27T01:01:00.000-08:00

“It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” - This struck me when I read today's ODB.

Can't help it but post it here... this is to remind myself and remind some of my readers about God's love. I can somehow, some times understand the feeling of seems I'm not being loved by God (ugh! human nature!) =P

Here you go.. read on and enjoy!

Mallory doesn’t feel loved by God. She received Jesus as her Savior several years ago and is confident that she is forgiven and will spend eternity with Him. She believes what God says in His Word, but she would also like to feel loved.

Her friends give her what she thinks is a pat answer: “It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” She says, “Okay, but when is later?” She believes she’s “feelings-deficient.”

God created us in His image to have emotions, so the longing to feel loved is legitimate and good. One way that many of us sense we’re loved is when someone talks with us and listens to us.

God provides those needs in our relationship with Him too. He speaks through His Word to our heart (Heb. 4:12), and He wants us to pour out our heart to Him about everything (Ps. 62:8)—even our longing to feel His love. Besides a relationship with Him, He daily gives us our breath, clothing, food, and shelter. Like the psalmist, we can find Him to be our “rock” and “refuge” as we trust Him (vv.2,7).

God loves us. Now, we walk by faith. One day, when we’re in His very presence, we’ll never again be feelings-deficient. — Anne Cetas

Knowing that God loves us comes by faith; feeling His love for us comes by relationship.

Faith it is.....thus indeed relationship it is too... =)

..misinterpretation..

2008-12-25T22:17:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it's very difficult to do things when the probability of being misinterpreted is there even for just a small percentage of it. And the worst is.. when you try to explain things to perhaps defend yourself, chances are.. there will always be some amount of doubts.

Recently, i've learned that some of the things I've done was sort of misinterpreted by someone I've loved - now this is one hard part of it.... someone whom you know that will trust you and believe you... misinterpreting things from you huh! A major ouch!

I should say I was just being true to myself and wanted to be as open as I can be. Open in a sense that whatever my mind thinks of... I try to do my best to express it and not hide anything in my mind.... but.. the impact on the other party was different, thinking that I was implying something... sigh.. difficult...

Anyhow, come to think of it.... there were moments in me that I'm the one happen to misinterpret some deeds of others in a way that I think I was offended. Did try to inform those people and eventually I've known that they didn't mean it at all. Hehehe...

Oh dear....

Can't fight the moonlight =)

2008-12-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

I've decided to watch Coyote Ugly again..... and it just made my heart leaps! ;p

Here you go one of the songs in it's OST...

Under the lover-sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until
'Til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, But you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight..
NoYou can't fight it...
It's gonna get to your heart

There's no escaping love
Once a gentle breeze
Weaves a spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long
'Til you're in my arms

Underneath the starlight, starlight
We'll be lost in the rhythm so right
Feel it steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight...
NoYou can't fight it
No matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you

(You're gonna knowThat I know)
Don't try, you're never gonna win, oh

Underneath the starlight, starlight,
There's a magical feeling, so right
It'll steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

:P

Guys 'n Gals facts?

2008-12-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

Read this somewhere and I just smiled :P I'm not sure about the "Guys" part though....but for the Gals... i think some items are quite true... read on and enjoy! =)

Guy Facts—
* When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you.
* When a guy is quiet, he’s listening to you.
* When a guy is not arguing, he realizes he’s wrong.
* When a guy says, “I’m fine” after a few minutes, he means it.
* When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.
* When you’re laying your head on a guy’s chest, he feels he has the world.
* When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday, he is in love.
* When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it.
* When a guy says he can’t live without you, he’s with you till your done.
* When a guy says, “I miss you,” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him.

Gal Facts–
* When a girl is mean to you after a break-up, she wants you back but she is too scared she’ll get hurt and know you’re gone forever.
*When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile.
* When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you, she wants you to hold her hand.
* When she wants a hug, she will just stand there.
* When you break a girl’s heart, she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later.
* When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
* When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
* When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
* When a girl answers, “I’m fine” after a few seconds, SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL.
* When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games.
* When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
* When a girl says she can’t live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.
* When a girl says, “I miss you”, no one in this world can miss you more than that.

***

..mothers' patience, fathers' influence... both's love!

2008-12-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had an opportunity to be able to watch one "play" somewhere in Penang town area - a true-to-life based story of a man who became a drug addict and that being in and out of the prison.

The drama started with a scene where the father went home drunk! Ofcourse, what do you expect the wife/mother will do? Errr... kinda nag to the hubby right? LOL. Uhhmm.. maybe the wife was arguing with the husband probably asking him to change and all since they already have a baby (the man - still a baby that time)....

Well... since the play was half hokkien and half English (thank God! It's half English!). I can somehow make sense of the hokkien lines in between, thanks to Lay Ching for translating some of the dialogue lines for me =). If I'm not mistaken though, the dad didn't have any job at all? Not really sure though... Anyhow.. the first scene ended showing the wife/mother running away from that house with all her stuffs leaving the baby to the granny.. and leaving the hubby for good!

Somehow, certain childhood memories of mine flashed back. I remember myself running here and there beside the high-way looking for my mom and my dad. If my memory served me right, my father was drunk that night and I dunno really what happened why I ended up being home alone that I went out to chase my mom and dad... Probably because of drunkenness he went out of the house and because my mom was worried, she chased my dad probably tried to convince to be home instead! My dad was once a drunkard! I think.. if my mom was not that patient enough to bear my dad's attitude "before", she may have left me and my sister also that time. I thank God for a patient mother! That i will always take note - be patient (talk about hubby-wife matters?).

Next couple of scene showed about the father taking drugs at home! Can you imagine? And so this ah-boy sneaked through the window watching what was his dad is doing. The dad left all his drug paraphernalias just somewhere in the table. So, from a boy what would you expect? So the boy got curious and tried all these drug-related stuffs. Indeed, the father has influenced the boy. So, as early as 11 year's old the boy have learned to take drugs :(

Another scene was shown whereby the boy was trying to show his drawing to the dad but the dad just ignored it... Sigh... what a dad huh! Anyways.. the boy ended up stowing away (stokwa-pinoy term) and was led into a very bad path with drug addicts and pushers...

I began to think again, was my father that bad? I don't think so... He's only unknown to me whenever he's drunk! Drunkenness sucks! Anyways, I began to think and recall my memories with my father. I can remember that during his normal state, he used to carry me over his shoulders... once or twice, he did manage to teach me and help me on my academic assignments when I was in primary.... and once.. I was running toward him and jumped up to him the moment I knew he arrived from Manila (we were in a province/kampung that time)... I used to give him his slippers whenever he arrived from work and take off his shoes =)... Secondary days - we used to chat on the staircase sharing his escapades and good ol' days. He will always walk me to the jeepney stop early in the morning on the way to my work in Manila.

Indeed the role of a mother and a father in a family is very very vital to an individual. The parents are the primary set of people that a child look-up to and have a great influence in this child's growing up years and eventually as an adult.

I admire those who are single parents who managed to raise their child/children alone because I can say that even if both parents are present, it's already hard to do parenting, how much more if you're a single parent.

mother's patience, father's influence, the love of both! =)

the other way around....

2008-12-14T05:52:00.000-08:00

in our rational mind, it's so typical to feel sad and maybe hurt if what you want to happen is not really happening... i believe i've been in this situation before... so i can tell...

however, i am noticing myself on the other side of it lately. it seems like whatever is currently happening within me is NOT the very thing i want!!! and it makes me feel bad because it's happening... and that's why i always end up weeping and sobbing every now and then..begging God to take "it" away from me.

my Lord, please take this thing away from me if it's not from You. please please please?

***

YOU!

2008-12-10T22:47:00.000-08:00

You give me hope,
The strength, the will to keep on;
No one else can make me feel this way
And only you
Can bring out all the best I can do;
I believe you turn the tide
And make me feel real good inside.

You pushed me up
When I'm about to give up;
You're on my side when no one seems to listen
And if you go, You know the tears can't help but show
You'll break this heart and tear it apart;
Then suddenly the madness starts

It's your smile,
Your face, your lips that I miss,
Those sweet little eyes that stare at me
And make me say,
I'm with you through all the way.

'Cause it's you
Who fills the emptiness in me;
It changes ev'rything, you see,
When I know I've got you with me

:)

What good is.....

2008-12-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

What good is having straight "A's" when you're alone studying the lessons? That's why there's the so-called group study.

What good is a success in "career" when you've got nobody to share it with - family and friends.

What good is a car if you're the only one in it? Yeah you're driving it but isn't it good if you have someone in the passenger's seat at least?

What good is a big house if you're the only one staying on it? or maybe only the two of you staying on it?

What good is reading a lot of books when you don't share and apply?

What good is reading and studying the Bible when you don't share what you've learned to others?

What good is sharing it to others when you yourself don't apply it?

-end-

God spoke thru pontianaks!

2008-12-07T01:34:00.000-08:00

"I will do everything I can to take care of you." - These were the words of Edward Cullens to Bella when they were in the car, as Edward was driving her back (or something, can't really remember). These were the same words echoed in my heart this morning after I felt God's touch and comfort.

Something quite normal (as the majority say) happened this morning "again", which somehow spoiled my enthusiasm praising and worshipping God. At the beginning of worship, I felt really very odd to do so. But then I'm reminded that worshipping God is not about me, it's about Him! From the bottom of my heart, I really wanted to but the shallow part of it didn't really jived. As the song "Magnificent" was sung, I purposely raised my hand and sang along from my heart as I wanna hear from Him. While in my mind, I talked to God and I said..."Lord, why is it that I feel...You seem so far from me "now"? Nevertheless, I will still choose to praise and worship you."

I was thinking, was it because the "yet another parking challenge" that kinda ruined my day? Nah, I don't think so. Probably what happened triggered other "stuffs" within and made me bursted out implicitly.

Suddenly, I felt an embrace from Siew Ching. I was like in tears as I felt her hugging me. She has never done that before in the middle of worship though. Then I thought of Him and deep within, it's like I can hear God saying.. "there you go! you think I'm far from you? I just hugged you!" Then the above "one-liner" registered my mind together with a few scenes in the "Twilight" movie we've watched last night, side by side with the few scenes of my life.

The scene whereby daddy Cullen said to the daughter, "She's with Edward and she's part of the family now. We will protect her." flashed unto me. I can feel Bella's fear but she stood firm knowing that her "family" with Edward's is there for her.

... then the vast instances that my "family" here had helped me, took care of me, were played unto me. Talk about what happened last Wednesday night and this morning, I have so much of my brothers and sisters in Christ who were there encouraging me in the middle of my "trembling and shaking individuality." I'm really thankful that i wanted to hug each and everyone of them (but cannot.. LOL) :P

Talk about "everything" in the first sentence of this entry, God is using other people around me as well to take care of me that on top of my church family, friends outside church are also there. Truly God can do "everything"... Simple things... small things... count a LOT for me. This is why, on my own little way... may it be from the most simple thing I can, to the most complicated "wowser" big stuff I'm capable of, I will do it.

"Twilight" is sort of a love story...errr not really sort of Imma say.. it is indeed a love story. LOL. I admit, I was thinking of other things too while watching the movie ;p ehehehe... Hey c'mon! let's admit (for those who have watched it), it's a "feel-good" movie okay? :P Just like what Bella felt with Edward, she's loving him unconditionally... i asked myself.. can i do that? Then I told myself, I want and I love to do that, God help me - to love unconditionally. Then another thought came, "will there be a man like Edward who will like really care for me like that?" I'm sure a lot of girls who've watched the movie thought of the same thing. I can tell, LOL. and so forth and so on!

However, it's funny how God twisted my thoughts back to Him.

I'm glad. I'm amazed. I'm in awe. Indescribable.

.....untitLed......

2008-11-29T08:20:00.000-08:00

I know you're there.... I know that you know how am I feeling right now - that even myself can't really describe it clearly.

It's so vague, a mixed sentiment of sanctions and agonies.

There! I've blurted it out... through deep sighing and uncontrolling the flow of little tears.

Makes me really really wonder..when is your promise gonna be really fulfilled? As I have been wanting to ultimately experience that eternal bliss. When, there will be no more hurt and pains, no more sadness, no more bad things?

Nevertheless, what a great relief whenever I'm reminded of your great love in me. What a great strength I regain when I feel so weak.

What can I say but thanks! If only I could really embrace you physically...I would do every second of the minute, every minute of the hour and every hour of the day!

LIFE in a Death Row!

2008-11-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

Deep inside, I feel like bursting into crying, sobbing my whole face unto my pillow in my bedroom! However, I can't as I'm stuck here in my cubicle at work - I have to contain myself. I needed to be strong though I feel like I'm gonna collapse with the exasperations I have all over, not forgetting every uncertainties happening around not just for me but I'd say for the majority.

I realized that it seems like I'm in a death row.

fLippy is in death mode. Phone is in a 50/50 life existence. My wallet seems to be struggling into "emptiness". Economy is bad. A lot of "cut here and there" everywhere. I am totally not sure how's my family back home. Enemy is attacking me through this stupid loneliness. Some of my friends are having anxieties. What else huh? I think there's a whole lot more.

But hey guess what? There's this stranger named the Holy Spirit, who reminded me something really important.. "while all these things are happening, remember that you have the LIFE?!" I smiled, recalling John 14:6....on top of it, I thought.. hey it's Thanksgiving day (in US) so i ended up wholeheartedly uttering, "Thank You Lord!"... and suddenly.... the death row zone my mind is staring at started to shift gear and I'm reminded and enlightened with the following....

Victor introduced me to uncle Chuan, who came to the office just now, went to the car park to check the car and it's battery! Had a short free-willy ride at Uncle's back in his cool motorbike! Managed to stretch both of my hands feeling the breeze - awesome! Yesterday, Florence gave me a ride to WahLi Cafe for me to meet up and encourage a brother.... Yin-yin gave me a ride back home as well after our CATS practice.

My phone can still turn on - not so bad talk about 50/50 chances... there's hope..there's still life 50%! It's still serving me well except that I needed to be patient with the annoyance it is giving me.

My wallet? Oh still got a few bucks in there. Think it will still be enough until the next payday though. I have Him who is more than enough anyways.

Loneliness? Get lost! I've got my housemate Norlyn, colleagues like Asmaa and Brian who can really talk, Shirley who checked me during my frist day of driving to work - love it, great friends from church, from CG, from the Pinoy geng, and a whole bunch of wise stuffs to do! not to mention the "love you, love you..." text message that my mom and sister is sending to me from time to time :P

My whole family? Nah they will be fine. they should be fine. they need to know how to be fine because they know WHO can really help them be fine. It's NOT me all the time!

My job? Errr... I still have it.. why do I need to worry about it? No no no... I'm leaving it all up to Him! I am not gonna worry about it... I'm just gonna be very still before Him! I have HIM!

I am currently reading a book (Big Picture People - just started), and I'm reminded that... I should not substitute my problems and difficult circumstances for the big picture! I should be focusing and seeing the greatness of my God, the vastness of His resources, and how much He desires to involve me in His great rescue plan for the lost. Now we're talking...

With the above? I need to convince myself to look beyond all these rational things happening around. I opt to see beyond all of these things, to imagine and hope even greater things more than I can think or imagine. This is because I have a God who knows what is best for me.... a God who is truly in control of everything... a God who is more than enough. He shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory! (Phil. 4:19) Yes, all glory be unto You!

No matter what, love you so much JC!

driving drives me crazy!

2008-11-24T07:22:00.000-08:00

I'm in a very irregular shape to describe how awful I felt after the accident that happened just now to the car blessing I've been driving for 2days... to be exact! My mind is like a whirlwind when I was feeling the scratch in that car that I very love, feeling very sorry for it and to the owner who is very dear to me... suddenly I felt like I have no face to show already when he comes back :'(

Yes, I've managed to drive "fLippy" for 2days now. Geez.. I was so happy and I felt I had a great accomplishment the whole day yesterday...not until 10:45pm today; November 24, 2008! I bursted into crying after parking the car thru the push of an uncle because it died again! This morning I was shouting for joy that I made it to the office but tonight I was crying out loud because of what happened.

Indeed driving isn't easy! Talk about some definitions of a few friends I asked about driving - it's a commitment, it's a responsibility, and it's liberty! True... a mix of good and bad. *sigh*

This driving really drives me crazy.

My dear Lord, please forgive me for what I have done to flippy. I pray Father, that the owner will forgive me and will have patience and understanding oh please, I beg.

I ask and plead for Your daily guidance and protection. Grant me wisdom, focus and alertness whenever I'm driving....and a miracle to vanish the scratch! In Jesus name, Amen.

why such a contrast?

2008-11-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

her mind is telling her..."Better not think about it so much and do not expect!",
however the heart deep within is whispering..."there's hope in it!".
It's so difficult, it's so complicated.

close friends are her "devil's advocate", becoming so cynical in every update ...
certain rude and cold actions in betweens add it up
but other personal times contradict its every part.
it's so difficult, it's so complicated.

she's quite happy & always enjoying,
but sometimes she's crying 'coz it's confusing.

i'd say...i guess she just need to be focused and still,
be very still before the Lord, she will.
choosing to believe that He shall make a way...
indeed He shall pave her day by day.

to her or not to her.. for her or not for her...
forever His, in her mind she'll always bear.

"extra" extraordinary weekends!

2008-11-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

I can feel that my body is complaining now especially my brain, as I have been pushing myself to the limit Imma say. Mind you, it's my body and not me =P But then, I've kept in mind to blog about the past 2 consecutive weekends I had, just for me to stick in my mind and in my heart. Yeah, blogging emphasizes and re-energizes my "for-keeps" experiences....and ofcourse... have I told you that I consider blogging as "cathartic"? So, I thought by doing this, after a quite good time of rest I shall be fine... this is ofcourse on top of prayers and all ya....

Oh yes, I had 2 consecutive extra extra-ordinary weekends. Why the double "extra" you may ask? Ehehehe.. this is because I choose to consider every weekend of mine "extra-ordinary" already... and what I'm gonna talk about here are like super extra..... I'll try to be as brief and direct though for the reason that so many things to take note of and to share with you aLL.

*Last last weekend*

-heLped out in the International Children's day. Prayed for all and encouraged each one via sending text message. Wore the "Hanbok" korean dress - played games and walked on the stage wearing hanbok with the dressed-up kids (can u imagine?). Glad to see everyone of my dearies to be a part of the said event.

-went dinner with good friends e.g. Esther, Baby Sean, Siew Ching, Eugene, Yoan, Deborah.

-slept over Esther's place to play with baby Sean, had a great girl talk with Esther, exposed myself more to motherhood :D - well I've had a lot of insights in between conversations and play time with the baby. Watched a bit of a movie but eventually dozed off.

-driving lesson with a friend; made me realize not to always have a DR (Delayed Reaction) but try to address the situation right then and there as much as possible.

-went to movie, Quantum of Solace with a friend and friend's friends. One liner I've noted, "Forgive her, forgive yourself". Had quite a great dinner, exposed to other persinalities once again.

*Last Weekend*

-came back from our Leader's retreat in Batu Ferringhi. Had a fun ride with Siew Ching and Eugene. Once home, managed to sneaked-in 2 hours of sleep.

-Off to Gold Coast place, some guards talked to me. Asked my name, where am I from and all those "flirty" stuffs. Errr... I was already wearing big shortpants and shirt and my hair was so messy, how can? LOL. Tere wasn't there yet so i decided to chiLL in the Ikan Bakar seaside there. Enjoyed the sound of the waves, sunset and Penang Bridge from afar.

-Tere arrived, we dressed up as we planned to have candle light dinner in 32 The Mansion Restaurant. Well... it was a sumptous meal and we noticed in the end that a bottle of red-wine served in our table was about to finish. Yes, I can drink :P but occasionally only. A friend was there playing the bass... so we requested the group to sing/play "Dahil Sa'yo". They did, Tere was very gLad! We almost went to the front and dance a sweet dance..lol.. When done, we hugged Ruby the singer (if I remember the name right!) and bid good-bye telling them we will come back!

-I've got no choice to join my friends in Slippery Senorita. Been thinking how to escape?! Then, good thing we managed to invite my Bass player friend there. I thank God, I had the reason to escape already! my little bro was there to join us for a while then i grabbed him so we can go home.

-"You can get all the boys you want Becky"...."you should always dress-up like this in church"... (he is my church-mate that's why.). Those were the phrases stuck into my mind while on our way to the carpark. I was flattered but I bursted into a loud laughter. Replied to him something like this, "Nah, I dont think so bro. You are just so lucky to see me dress up like this because i seldom do it...Only when I'm really in the mood" and added to him that "I always do the opposite one, I show the worst physical me" lol..... errr not really.. uhm maybe I am just being more to myself.. although dressing up is being me as well.

-Come Sunday, went to morning prayer meeting. Had a great prayer time with Siew Ching (again?!) and the rest in the church. Sunday service was great! Lunch time was even nicer!

-Shocked to have had the chance to go to another friend's house and be able to meet the mom and granny. Didn't expect and was quite a bit shy..lol... anyhow, my friend's mom was indeed cool.. i think if no visitors arrived we could have chatted A LOT of stuffs already! lol... this is gonna be unforgettable too.

-Experienced one great miracLe! Wento my driving lesson again but this time, I drove to the flower shop somewhere in Jelutong (if I'm not mistaken again). This is bcoz I need to buy flowers for Norlyn's surprise :P. When we came back to the car, it won't start! As in even my friend tried it a lot of times, it WONT START! We called up Adrien to ask some advice. When we're about to leave the car there, I uttered..why not i start the car again for the last time and see..... along the conversation I was already praying for the car. ALAS! the car started. IT's A BIG MIRACLE! Indeed a mustard seed of faith works! My friend drove back the car, then off we go to dinner with lunchmates! LOL. It was really cool... I've eaten lunch with Lay Ching, Tze Han, Victor, Julie, Shirley, Angeline, Felix... then dinner time I ate with the last five again including Marcus and Aunt Helen. Cute :P

-Went home but still did not rest and sleep - I cannot. I must do the bouquet for the next day's surprise for Norlyn. Well.. this is my 2nd masterpiece of flower arrangement..yayy! Monday came, I went to work so early.. Norlyn went home. As she arrived home, she called me then I picked up the call saying.."Surprise!". I'm glad she was happy... it was her first time receiving flowers... then she wondered.. how is it like to receive flowers from a guy... errr.. (wait for my blog entry about flowers k?)

That's it... yeah no wonder... that's the reason why my body was kinda complainng already. I felt the heat inside me and the physical weariness... Nevertheless...I'd say... thank God for the extra extra-ordinary weekends! More to come.

*peace out*

Relationships...

2008-11-11T09:44:00.001-08:00

In your friendships, in all your relationships, you will disappoint others and they will disappoint you.

That comes with the teritory of being a human. But it is NOT the truest thing. In your relationships, you have the opportunity to practice loving, to partner with God in mothering, in bringing forth life in another and having your heart enlarged by caring for another and your life enriched by sharing the adventure that life is.

-The above are quoted from a book-

'twas a success! I'm gLad =)

2008-11-10T17:50:00.000-08:00

Can't help it to record here whiLe it was already stored in my heart =).

The pLan went weLL as I thought.. and most importantly? both of them were surprised and the common words were "embarassed but touched!"

Yes, I pLanned something in which I've done for the first time though.. surprising 2 of my friends on their "workaholic" birthdays! Been cracking my brain and shaking my heart for quite sometime as well to come-up with poems out of their names... praise God a day before, Tere's one was done whiLe manage to get SaiHo's one done just before he came in to the office.

Wait a minute... it wasn't just me though... I could have not done it fuLLy without Victor and Janet's help. Victor gave me time in accompanying to buy the fLowers! wee... and Janet did her best to give me the baLLoon pump tooL since she has forgotten to bring hers initiaLLy else my lungs are dead by now! LOL... Guys, thanks ;p

Here you go the poems:

TERESA TANEGA

Time really flies indeed it’s so fast,
Experiences we’ve had is a vast.
Reminiscin’ the past whiLe reLaxing,
Each moment we have is aLL worth keeping.
Such things are vaLued and treasured,
All those good stuffs I’ve adored.

TruLy as the days pass and go by,
Amidst aLL the Ups and Downs nearby
No way I wiLL ever say “goodbye”
Even untiL the day I wouLd die.
God wiLL be our guide by the side
Anchoring with Him, we shaLL gLide.

SAIHO YEOH

So quiet as he may seems to be,
All you have to do is spend time with thee.
Indirectly you’ll know him with gLee
He’ll knock your feet off saying..
Oh.. so do you have a problem with that? =)

Yesterday is already in the past,
Embrace your new year with a bLast.
Old age you may have literally…
Heart of yours should stay young and free!

...

Deeply In Love

2008-11-10T00:13:00.000-08:00

Can't help posting this one.... oh dear...

In my life
You`ve heard me say
I love you
How do I show you it`s true
hear my heart, it longs for more of you..
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you..
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You and I, together forever
Nothing can, stand in the way
My love for you, grows stronger each new day.
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you

From the bottom of my heart, I utter the same words above with music... originally from Hillsongs though.. :P

Two Ironies LateLy...

2008-11-05T23:47:00.000-08:00

"Isn't it ironic...don't you think?" This is one line from Alanis Morissette's famous song, "Ironic".

It came to my attention that in between my interactions with some friends for the past couple of weeks, the topic of sharing and conversations captured a couple of ironies that are quite relative I may say. Let me share with you those stuffs then.

1st irony: to have or not to have distinction in treating a special someone.

I can say that I am uniquely and personally close to these two "local" friends. I'm glad how I've taken note of the sharings I had with them and vice-versa. I happened to ask a friend what is his distinction between a friend (or friends) and a special one whiLe chiLLin' sometime. I received quite a surprising answer that made my eyes opened as wide as it can! lol. No distinction, the only one would be the confession. That friend of mine believes that good things should be done for everybody - it makes sense. But then, I asked myself deep inside, "errr.. I'm not talking about good things though, I asked about distinction". Well, my friend reversed the gear a bit saying... there could be but it might be a bit indirect (or implicit?)... then I replied.."hmmm.. ok, alright". On a separate occasion, I had dinner with another friend whiLe talking about ministry stuffs. I didn't quite remember how we landed to a conversation whereby this friend said something like.."ofcourse she's special among friends so my treatment is different, there should be some distinction". Take note of the word "Ofcourse" huh! Errrr... more-over this friend even cited me as an example! Grrr.. kidding..lol. "Like for instance, I simply buLLy you like that 'coz you're my friend" he bLurted.. or something like that. Then I just teased back.. so that means special someone cannot be bullied is it?. These 2 friends' commonalities? both are close to girls and both are from here (Malaysia :D). Irony: not to have or to have distinctions in treating a special someone -End of irony 1-

As for me, I will have a distinction! :P

2nd irony: propose marriage soon or not so soon?

I was quite shocked and became a little bit panicky when one of my "Pinoy" friends told me that he shall propose to his "about a month" old gf. I said, "that soon?!" Well... he has given me some strong statements to maybe somehow justified it (or was he justifying it at all to me? lolz). Somehow, I felt some firmness between those liners...but still implicitly gave him benefits of the doubt. Ofcourse, as a friend I'm concerned and gave him strong statements as well! And perhaps certain "thought-boggling" questions for him to consider. One liner that I've highlighted though is... Hasty decisions are not good! Only fools rush in! Errr.. for this kind of situations at least... and that "guys" are normally "fickLe-minded" *peace y'all!" I've honestly told him that my "says" are not to discourage him or something but instead to encourage him in making firm decisions and whatever it is, I'm cool to support him and help him in any way I can =) After about more than a couple of hours then, I remembered another friend, in which I've asked when is he going to propose to his long-time gf (i think more than 2- years already). He firmLy repLied to me, "not so soon!" I remember, I asked why? what are you waiting for? Well... he replied.. not until I get rich and give her everything she wants. Uhhmm.. there was a big question mark on my face hearing this (this is a spearate topic though). Commonalities here: both have their local chinese girlfriends and are from Pinas! Irony: propose marriage soon or not so soon - End of irony 2 -

My say? I am not reaLLy sure because I am a girL :P I personally believe that the guys should do the marriage proposal and that the girl should just hope and wait! LOL...

On a bird's eyeview and in totaLity? To each her/his own - we just need to listen to what God has to say about it and that is if we are keen enough to hear Him. NevertheLess, God will always be with us and that He is good, all the time!

3 cups in a row with Him =)

2008-11-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

Call me coffee freak! I am :P....

I have been proLonging my own agony of spending that more intimate time with him.. perhaps because there were a lot of thoughts going on my mind neglecting my souL's beloved lover. Take note of the added word "more".. 'coz somehow I think I am always spending intimate time with him already...then I recognized.. not reaLLy!

So on top of the workLoads I've got in the office, pLus that "not so new anymore news" about the economic crisis resulting to retrenchment that started my working day ...I have opted to stay away from my desk for a moment and went to one corner of the building specificaLLy to that very nice situated pantry we have, gazing at the mountains from afar. The Nescafe vendo machine served me weLL as I sit down in one tabLe, zipping my 1st cup of coffee and continued my Luke reading. Anyways, my working time has NOT started yet so I'm not using company's time for personal stuffs kay? I need to highlight this one, ofcourse! lol.

After reading Luke 13:34-35, I then had the urged to text or sms some people whom I've interacted with these past few weeks. Then there goes my 2nd cup! (health check: those cups are so small only ya?! :P) As I hit the "Send" button, I closed my eyes and smiLed. Prayed that it would somehow encourage everyone one way or another :)

Then I went back to my cube, decided to record what has just happened in here since I still have quite a couple of minutes before my next 2-hours meeting! Yaiks!

Now zipping the 3rd cup from the "roLLing store" of coffee, preparing for that meeting! StiLL my heart and my thoughts are with Him =)

I think I'm faLLin but a bit scared ^^

2008-11-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

"Penang is reaLLy beautifuL!". I uttered out of the bLue last 4th of October '08 ('twas a Saturday!), whiLe my good friend was driving on the way to another friend's house in Park View. She just said, "oh yeah....it reaLLy is very beautiful!". Both of us smiled and giggLed! Staring at the trees over the mountains on the way to our destination and at the same time looking around, made me blurted it out wholeheartedLy! Moreover, it made me think how simpLe life can be in here since we just came out from the wet market to buy stuffs to cook! I'd say, it's simple but full of mysteries and adventures :)

"Penangnites (this is referring to Penang People) are so lucky because they got Penang!" This was the statement my friend said one early morning whiLe we're on the way to work, taking the coastaL road to the office. Both of us were gazing our Left side of the car window...lookin' at the sea and the trees and mountains beyond the beach as he drove along! I nodded and whisper, "Tell me about it!" then continued staring at the beautiful scene on my Left! My friend some more said, "I don't think I want to go back to where I've been from anymore and will just stay here for good!". I told him, "same here! and you've got more advantage because you have a local girlfriend!". I did some pushing to him to propose a marriage already! LOL! And then I thought, what a lame excuse to get married huh?! Then mentally punch myself out to cut the crap idea!

A whiLe ago, a friend brought me to one sea-side chiLL place somewhere in Tanjung Bunga. I've suggested to go Ayir Itam Dam since I've been wanting to be in a "literal" serene pLace to just be quiet and be still... but you know what happened already. Anyhow, I've agreed with my friend then as we reached... I smiLed deep inside 'coz I've already heard the splashing of the waves communicating to my heart instantLy. I'd say this is another place I wanna be though... so it sufficed my desire to be still. Reminded me of the song "Be Still" and as I listen siLentLy, I felt like soaring above the waves. It was about to turn dark but I tried my best to open wide my small eyes to be able to gaze the scenery, waiting for the almost completed sun-set to fuLLy submerged anticipating the stars =P

"What? Did I make you fall inlove to Penang again?" I heard this as I turn my sight to my friend's direction. I replied "he he he" and then deep inside I said, "I'd say, even more inloved!" then continued listening to the waves and feeling the cool breeze of the environment.

Oh well...I've been here in Penang for about 3 years and 1 month to be exact (as of this writing!), and as I spend my days and my life here...I can recognize that I am falling inlove to the place. Inlove in a sense that I almost don't want to let go of it, opting myself to stay here even on very special occasions we have back home. Pity myself for the remorse of missing my family & vice-versa though. You may think that I'm really having lotsa great times here in Penang that's why I'm feeling this way but you're wrong! I also have some down moments at stake and that there are also times that "tragic" stuffs happened or happening. It's just that good stuffs stand out!

With this great feeling of falling inlove with the place, comes a little bit of scary thoughts! Well, main "explicit" reason why I can still stay here is because of the job - what a blessing I consider it! I am trusting that the impLicit reason is that God wants me to be here for a purpose or maybe purposes? :)

I'm a bit scared in a way, thinking what if Penang will be taken away from me? I mean the job will suddenly swindLe and that my company decided to "shoo" me away from this specific site? lol.... Then I suddenly thought about it..."hmmm... maybe I should not Let myself be engrossed with the pLace too much or should I say...maybe I should control or stop falling for Penang so that it won't be that frustrating when time comes huh?". What do you think?

Then I began to see the issue in a different dimension - the real literal falling inlove with someone thingy! I remember telling some friends that I wish and hope not to fall inlove again so as to avoid being hurt! That's where the area of "scary" part comes in! Then a friend told me, "if you're only falling inlove when you know that you won't get hurt... then it's not love anymore at all... you're treating it as if it's just a game already... you win when you don't get hurt, you loose when you're hurt?! Is that the way it shouLd be? :S

Anyways, I've got some few items in mind to pray for about this Penang-related stuff. I also have some plans but then I am surrendering everything to God! Lord-willing... He shall grant the desires of my heart as I continue to deLight myseLf in Him.

Lord, anyhow... no matter what..I will still love You!

No matter what, I vow and opt to Love You with all my innermost being, my heart and my souL!

inner awestruck!

2008-10-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

how can i ever explain what i feel inside in a manner that everyone will be able to understand or relate to huh? I'd say the awestruck description I used is basically a mixed of the black and white! but mind you... white surpasses that dark color making a small part of me turned into at least gray! enemy is actively attacking me huh... shoo! shoo!

anyhow, yeah.. I'm in awe.. (again? you may say!).. while there's a scary growing "not so good" (or should I say maybe inappropriate) feeling inside..I'm somehow glad that things outside of me are fine. I'd say... God is constantly on the move eh!

an inexpressible gratefulness is now raging within me as I think about wonderful things happening around and I'd say even including that grayish part within me.

managed to chat with a great friend, blogged about Shekinah, stumbled upon another blog that made my heart charmingly smiled to God uttering.. "Thank you Lord, You're really awesome and wrestles with one's heart!" and uhmmm what else... oh yeah! reading the every now and then emails and comments on the pics of our recent Gua Tempurung adventure!

upward overwhelming outburst! :P

as for the cause of the turned tiny "gray" part within me, uhmmm... now that's a downward overwhelming kind of slip... oh no! Well.. I feel that it is gonna be tough outwardly but inwardly i think I know what I needed to do already - I'm just gonna cry it aLL out to God! that should be sufficient I reckon. And I trust that God will do something about it!

*signing off now*

hurtin' peopLe...

2008-10-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

WhiLe I've got a lot of things in mind to write in here... I just couldn't resist typing this one first out. I am not sure why but I thought I'd better burst it into writing whatever it is that I suddenLy feel now (as in now! while I'm typing this!) eLse I can't really describe what will happen. I'd say this is the least thing I can do to let go of the rushed inexplainabLe uninvited anguish within.

My heart suddenly feels like a blocked ice crashed into pieces, pounded with a heavy mortar against a hard waLL! Weird eh? I dunno why... but things just suddenLy sank into my mind and then into my own heart that made me cry out aloud siLentLy! Basically, these things are related to all friends of mine who are one way or another feeLs that stupid feeling of pain and hurt because of that ever inevitable thing so-called rejection! Deep within the weakest part of me is trying to be strong aiming to consoLe friends who confessed pains and hurtings of their own. I sincereLy thank God for making me strong to be able to somehow encourage each one of them.

One thing I really...REALLY hate the most is... knowing and learning that somebody is hurt.. a different kind of hurt in which pain is soo choking and can literally stop someone's heart beat! This pain is more than being bulimic that someone would throw-up even if no food was taken at all (tell me about it!) I hate it sooo much because I have been there and I thought I have never imagined how I looked like during those drastic days! I'm thankfuL that I'm "literally" ok now, however, I just can't help it to be burdened by how some of my friends feel and the situation they are going through now. Another thing is that the experience has made me more than cautious NOT to be in the same situation again. Dudette, take note well about it!

Oh God, please help me to let them know how I have survived such tragedy through You. Would you please uplift each one of my friends' heart and allow them to release that pain all out unto you mah Lord JC!

That gives me the cue to cut this out and better kneel down and intercede for my friends. I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is more than stronger than the power of the enemy!

Laterz!

NepaL - here I come again!

2008-10-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

It tickLed my heart when my housemate, Norlyn handed me over a travel kit she bought that consist of the travel pillow and eyes shade w/ ear plugs, whiLe I was packing my stuffs. I'm touched by her gesture eventhough the moment she gave me the things she went straight to her room..I was puzzLed! lol. Anyways....yeah, so I'm going to Nepal once again on a mission trip and yet I am still more than excited =) It's amazing that just like the previous one, excitement isn't really that explicit huh! Hmm.. i really wonder why :)

While packing, I've recalled I received a few offers of ride to the airport - too bad they were all too late as I was able to have enough boldness to ask Shirley already! lol... aLong the way, I've received some MSN message from Tze Han about the ride again.... and some text messages from Angeline, Julie, and Terry separately. I replied to each one of them accordingly. Pstr. Mei dropped by to pass things for Susan and I was gLad to have hugged EiLeen and waved "hi" to granny...then off they drove away.

I had a great KFC toaster twister dinner but I'd say, I sincerely appreciate all of them. Thanks everyone! *winks*....hugz!

NepaL as it is, marks a very special spot within the inner me. My very first trip to Nepal opened a door of lotsa opportunities and mind you, those are good and bad, a combined taste of sweet, spicy, sour and bitter :p

Nepal was the key for me to reach my highest peak of happiness (thus far... but i strongly believe that there'll be higher than "highest" to come! :P) .. Ironically it was also the major gravity that pulled me down six feet below the ground (can you imagine? lolz). Above all, things concerning Nepal made me stronger and that is because my faith in God, after a very tough time of testing, has become more than stronger ever! Made me notice weLL a few personals along the way too :)

BlessedLy, those hard times are already over - praise God, big time!

As I look forward on the vitaL and nobLe things we are going to do in Nepal, I am sincereLy gratefuL of the overfLowing LOVE that the Lord Jesus Christ is giving me... through every single individuaL around me, around far afar from me (and should I say around Facebook? LOL :P). I pray that truLy this overfLowing love will be poured out afresh to the people of Nepal and to whoever divine appointment that will come along our way.

As I go to NepaL once again, I have 2 major things in mind and in heart apart from reaLLy sharing the love of Christ to the people there.

First is to officiaLLy and formaLLy close that specific book chapter in my Life forgetting ultimately and primarily the not so good part of it...specificaLLy that particuLar door of hurts and pains, which trapped me before....(this is like for formality sake, lol)... and this one goes out to you whom God has used for me to be able to anchor and trust in Him more than ever...i'd say.. with all due sincerity, thank you so much for seeing me the way I wanted a person to see me. I pray that God will bring forth someone speciaL to you (hopefully more special than me ya? :P) who wiLL admire you and love you just the way you are, just the way I did.

The second one is to enthusiasticaLLy and fuLLy open a new episode of me, a significant beginning of what Life has to offer me more and should I say.... a hopefuL and exciting start-up of what is reaLLy God's great pLan for my entity. A window shaLL be opened...with a more fuLL bLown capabiLity of loving someone unconditionaLLy.... becoming the innermost strength of that somebody apart from the Lord God Almighty (ofcourse :P)... can't wait for my heart to meet and see through that someone's heart completeLy! My nobLe star's heart - from one corner of my worLd.

NepaL - here I come, again! *giggLes*

P. S. Check out my first Nepal Trip archive: http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2007/04/nepal-here-we-come/

*peace out*

a hand 'n a kiss on the forehead ^^

2008-09-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

The wanting to visit ReueL (a sick boy in our church) yesterday eventually took place today. I and my friends went to their house and found out that he's actually in the hospital. I am not really sure but somehow I felt only a partiaL of frustration yesterday when I learned about it. In fact, we even thought of going to the hospital at that moment but decided not to because there might be a heavy traffic on the way. And then the normal thought of having a dinner instead, came. However, one has to go off because of a prior dinner engagement.

WhiLe processing what to eat and where to, we ended up seeing another friend in the building nearby. I'd say... I was happy seeing the two of my friends (whom I've known separateLy and didn't know they are that close, can you imagine?), gLadLy smiled and teased one another, chit-chat a bit and bid goodbye eventually. I just smiled and whispered, "hmmm... that was short?! but cute and sweet huh!"

The dinner was sumptuous. What makes it splendid was the conversation that took place between each bite - giving way to a more exposed invisibility of both individuals..... *peace* ;p

Anyhow, as the scheduLe was arranged for the next day - that's today... we ended up hitting two birds in one shot! That is to finally visit the boy and this time incLuding the granny of one of us.

ReueL was about to sleep when we arrived. As we clipped the 6 balloons we bought yesterday at the feet of his bed, the little surroundings became colorfuL :). The dad was there to take care of him and managed to share a bit of what was currently happening. Florence lead all of us in prayer for the boy as I laid my hand on his forehead. I shook Dr. Andrew's hand and off we went to Victor's granny's ward.

I'm no chinese language - trying hard to scale up but pity the poor me! LOLz! - but as we arrived there, I smiled and said "hello" to the Auntie taking care of the granny... and cheerfuLLy handed the 3 red carnation fLowers over to her. After a whiLe, she sat up and took the spoon with her weak right hand, ate the porridge served. I was like... wanting to grab that spoon and feed her instead but Auntie said, "it's ok, she can feed herself" smiling to me. I felt an "ouch" deep inside and was a bit "dismay" but obeyed not to do it. As I stare at her and her hand holding the spoon, I was reminded of my mom back home and well..ofcourse..my own granny when she was still alive. I feLt i wanna hug this granny but I just simpLy cannot! Well.... I needed to contain myself else... nah I really dunno what will happen...hehehe. Little chit-chat took place in Chinese but I just did not care and continued on glancing at the old lady.

After a whiLe, I did not controL myself anymore! As my friends were like 3 steps away from the bed already, I caressed granny's pearL-white "fly away" hair and gave her a kiss on the forehead then off we go =)

- a hand 'n a kiss on the forehead -

bRiNg Me tO LiFe - this i pLead :D

2008-09-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

The 7th miracle in the video we watched in CG this Friday (26th Sept '08) triggered me to blog something about the above titLe :). That miracle showed about a man who's already dead for like almost 3days but was brought into LIFE and was resurrected in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ! The dvd was basically about 8 miracles, which took place somewhere in South Africa as a certain evangelist ministered to the people there and preached about my dear JC!

Oh well, I consider it a super extra-ordinary Friday and it's worthy to take note weLL of it - so read on ya? ;p

Well, the "worthy" fire-starter of it was basically the excitement that I believe everyone in my CG feels as we exchanged emails about our so-called "Hari Raya BatuFerringhi lock-up" thingy. I have felt that this certain "excitement" is a mixed with a 'lil bit of worry, hesitations maybe? to top it all - hopes and fun! Following it was an sms from a friend exclaiming he's back in Penang, "nice to be back home" - kinda a big relief from my end.

Then as you may know, Fridays for me and for majority is a TGICG day! (Thank God It's CG day!). At first I thought I wanna decide to just call it off because 70% of our CG family will be in the Children Ministry's retreat but God impressed something in my heart not to. Instead, I said we'll gonna watch DVD - titLe is "MSI: Miracle Scene Investigation". We started CG with singin' "Give Thanks" then a serene prayer for first, the retreat that is happening. We prayed that everyone there will be impacted with the message and that the speaker will be anointed. Praise God! I heard a lot of good feedback and even saw it from FB status. Prayer works! Next in line was the prayer for USO! Then our Raya "wutever" and SG trip of our two CG members, then for our Euwing who's celebrating the birthday in 3.5 hours time.

As the 7th miracle being shown about the resurrected man, I recalled one of my unforgettables here in Penang - the day when my Auntie Pat died and went home with the Father in heaven. Scenes just flashed back in me that I have remembered begging God to bring Auntie Pat to life right then and there to show His mighty power and miracle to everyone in the hospital. While everyone was cryin' out loud in that ward, I cried silently in one corner having that conversation with God. I even said, "C'mon Jesus! this is one great opportunity to show everyone that You are the true God! Please bring Aunti Pat back into life!" As I repeatedly prayed like this - nothing happened to the point I added something into my prayer. Sincerely I said, "Lord... if you want I can exchange my life for Auntie Pat's just so they won't all cry anymore and that you will be glorified, please do so." - nada! Then I heard God told me, "My dear, that's not really the way I work all the time you know?". I realized, maybe sometimes God just does not want to really show-off. Anyhow, in one of the "wake" nights of auntie Pat, Pastor Sam preached about the life after death we'll have in heaven as we receive the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6)! He highlighted that it's true that we are all going to miss Auntie Pat but she's in a better place now. Highlight of that night was that...while Auntie Pat physically died, one was brought spiritually into Life - her only son, who accepted Jesus Christ that night as his Lord and Savior. I bursted into tears and smiled....whispering to him, "that makes your mom even happier in heaven now, her big time prayer was answered!" It was the very thing that clicked me and Auntie Pat together when I first met her together with Uncle Ron - to pray for her son's salvation. Prayer rocks!!! :P

Okay so much for that. Then I realized something..... I realized that a certain part of me is dead. I have the Life, true, but I suddenly notice that this specific thing in me has died not so recentLy. It could be that I was too numbed to notice it, maybe because of the pain I once "had" within the whole of me. Yeah, you're readin' it right "had" - past tense, so not anymore :P. Then I thought, maybe this part of me is now ready to be resurrected. I closed my eyes and uttered, "Lord, bring me to life" :D

When CG was done, while on the way to church for the USO...something special happened. I smiled and whimmed, "oh-ow.. Lord is that You? starting to bring me to life again already?"....

let's wait and see :)

hubbies & daddies around me...

2008-09-26T01:43:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had a short pep talk with my colleague from US, Steven, about how is he doing and how's his wife doing. This is just before our official business meeting agenda. I learned that his wife underwent some surgery few weeks back and that he has shared about some of the few errands he needed to do concerning the kids and ofcourse his wife. He has shared that he has to wake up early to drop the kids off to their school and same at the end of the day to pick them up just so to let the wifey rest and have that complete recovery from surgery. I thought that was admirable =)

I'm glad to hear that everything is fine as he declared.

A couple of days ago, another local colleague of mine happened to mention about what has recently happened to his wifey as well - she had a surgery somewhere in the uterus area. I saw the worries in Charlie's eyes and somehow can sense that he's troubled with what his wife is experiencing even up to this point that I'm writing it. He even complained saying "I cannot even hug her when we sleep because it hurts when she is squeezed because of the surgery". I just bursted out in a bit of laughter but then I thought that's a sweet statement coming from a guy for her wifey. =)

I felt sorry for him as he uttered those words lookin' at his face =(

Sometime last week, I hitched with Tani, a friend, on the way back home. He exclaimed, "I'm hungry! I wonder what's for dinner tonight and what did Ella cook for me?!" Ella, his full time wifey and mommy, is one close friend of mine as well. I've felt that excitement in him looking forward to go home and have that dinner cooked by her and ofcourse to be united with her and Andrei (the son) too. I'd say it's one ideal set-up for a family and Tani's excitement would delight Ella. =)

I thought I would be delighted to know that one as well if I'm in Ella's shoes :)

So what's the point of this blog? In everyday of our lives, one way or another we will encounter or experience a lot of things on the way. How often do we notice those stuffs that are really valuable and not valuable? Which one are we focusing ourselves then? For me, I try to observe, notice, and see things that would be helpful to develop more my character for the present and for the future.

On top of that, while it's a reality that there are hubbies and/or daddies that aren't so good and caring and all that (reality check), great and ideaL things still exist. Talk about being idealistic huh =P

PS: Check out my related blog entry about "Idealism 'n Realism": http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2006/10/idealism-n-realism/

Bye for now! Tata!

let by gones be by gones =)

2008-09-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

benign as she is, she drowned in tears once
escaping to breathe is all what she wants
cried and grumbled all night and day
keeping the pain deep inside all the way
yet she managed to stand up, continued to sway!
as hours, days and months passed by
keenly she bear and endured the pain
anguish inside almost made her insane.
mornings became like evenings...
and evenings appeared to be neverending...
resentful, her crushed heart has become
inevitably tragidy was the outcome.
but then she made a difficult choice
encapsulating everything with a poise
casting out all her cares to the only ONE
surrendering all that she has for once
yielding unto Him shall be her dance.

surprises...

2008-09-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

Last Friday was a good one! I'm thankful that everyone in our cg was cooperative enough to execute the plans we've made in giving a birthday bash surprise for the 3 of our cg members and family - Euwing, Julie, and Lay Ching. Not to mention the early arrangements that Heng Yin did for the cakes and flowers.... for the guitar playing Shirley showed during worship and Tze Han's facilitating the sharing part. Though we missed some in the cg, we all had a great time together. I just hope that indeed the three were surprised and that it really made them all feel speciaL =) Another highlight that night was the sharing about the Father's love. Pastor Eddie shared a very good illustration about relationships, which is related to our topic. He shared about the 2 cups not being filled emphasizing that only a perfect God can fill each one's cup - referring to couple I supposed.

Anyhow, I am not sure with others but personaLLy, i love surprises. I can say that it's more worth it especially when you receive surprises without expecting it. Hehehe.. oh well, admit it or not.... it's somewhat a norm or should I say inevitable for some if not all to expect some surprises especially during our own birthdays huh! Hehehe... what a paradox - an expected surprise!

The event happened last Friday triggerred me to reminisce my own recent birthday surprises and should I say most treasured past surprises. Here comes my DR attact! Referring to "Delayed Reaction" :) Recently, I felt like I was floating in cLoud 9 and i'm overflowing with gratefulness for all the blessings I've received marking my 30th birthday!^^

The blasts started Saturday before my birthday. Having the chance to pre-celebrate it with some of friends and got a chance to spend a little time with new friends - 'twas Victor who initiated it. We have basically celebrated everyone's birthday and that includes Andrew, Victor, and Chea Keat. It was my first time to have that moment with Hsien Hooi and CheeChung plus their cutie Faith as well. Remember the bi-cycle ride post? :P (This blog is really super delayed, i realized! yaiks!) I can say that I kinda admire the couple especially when they carry Faith unto their arms :) Anyhow, I'm glad I've controlled myself NOT to drink some booze =P

Come Monday of that week (my big day was a Wednesday!), I had a steak dinner with uncle Ron at Friday's. I consider uncle Ron as my father here in Penang and im transitioning to call him dad hehehe..- btw missed the days when we go to BJ Complex together with Auntie Pat (the wifey) to buy DVDs :P. I'm sure during those days, they used to spend time together watching those DVDs huh, how sweet! :)

Wednesday, the big day was dramatic at start then became typical sort of. I started my day with an overseas call from my beloved family in Pinas. They were singin' happy birthday over the fone. Tears came out and I just hugged my pillow thinking about them. At work, thank God for all friends who wished me. My heart leaps everytime I got a greeting... in any way I've received it. 'Coz for me, small things count A LOT! At first I thought of spending my birthday night in my bedroom - ooppss.. don't think I'm a boring person (but yeah sometimes, i am). I thought I wanna spend my birthday time reflecting things - that is after our Nepal Mission team meeting supposedly. As early as lunch, Florence already chased me to have lunch out. It wasn't expected that Euwing and Ms. Win Nee met us up for lunch in ... secret... recipe :)

Now here's the catch, Shirley dearie kept asking me sayin she wants to take me out for dinner starting Monday of that week already. At first, I thought i've got a packed sched that week and it aint because of my birthday but ive got really a lot of stuffs - work and ministry primarily. Finally, I've decided to squeeze in the invitation before our meeting. And guess what? tadannn! There they all arrived with the cake singing the happy birthday song. At first i was stunned but deep inside I was smiling gently already.

Oh well.. I was speechless of how I appreciate everything. Trying to focus on what i'm supposed to do for the hour. Subconsciously, I have never stopped thanking God for everythin'.

Surprises.. surprises... So many things and plans of surprises coming into my mind now. I hope that all of it shall come to pass.. on the other hand.. i suddenly thought.. will there be more surprises for me? Like for now, while i reminisce these things, I feel odd... sigh! Weird eh? =) Well, we have our own weirdy thingy....

Gotta doze off now... i better.. or else...i'll end up becoming weird 24x7 already LOL.

*poof*

the bicycle ride...

2008-09-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

She was at the back of the bicycle while her daddy doing the cycle activity around that mini park in one of the place here in Penang. As she sat in her little throne from the back, she was very still... looking around and holding tight to the thing at her daddy's back.

As I enthusiastically entered the scene, I waved at here smilin' and yelling at her name... "Hello Faith... hiyeee Faith...". In her young mind, she stared at me and partially smiled. On and on, the dad (names' CheeChung) went on cycling... as the daddy passed by through some bumps... there she went into bumbing as well....

The scene drifted off my mind for quite some time as I ran into the swing just like a kid too :P and did my swinging glides. Much valuable things happened that day before and after the bicyle ride's impactful starter of that night's event...

Before the bicycle ride - Had a quickie breakfast in a friend's car, attending power hour prayer, then comes the food for the soul time *yum*! After that, I had my "koheeko-fan" whatever for lunch, Nepal mission team meeting. Then off to QueensBay with friends... stroll around, window shop for me, it's a shopping time for a friend. Played some basketball, yes! What an energy - power!

After the bicycle ride moment - I managed to use my...uhm... sorta charm^^ in borrowing the girl's bicycle and did my own scary and stumbling cycle then watched a friend in his cycling lesson day 2. Little by little...other friends arrived, went up to the venue, "wacked" (this is Malaysian's term) the food, did some fun Charades game, blew some candles for someone's birthday (Tze Seong), went down to the park again carrying along our so-called lanterns and candles to have that moon gazing. -- Now, this is basically the ocassion! The Mooncake festival so to speak they call it. We did some walkin' carrying our "thang-long" (did i write it correctly?) or lantern with the glowin' candle in it. We're quite fortunate that time as the host shared about the story behind it. I wasn't really paying attention to it (sorry fLo :P) because somehow I was kinda aware of it already - to top it all, it's about bravery and oh well... what eLse? the four letter word that is full of mysteries :P

Instead, I am trying to really feel and enjoy the camaraderie atmosphere at that time. Open an MS Word doc, type "camaraderie", right click on it to see more of what's "camaraderie".

On a side note - I kinda casted out myself from a distance in the see-saw while they were there carrying my lantern along. Stared at them with a smile. One friend was naughty enuff to come near me and ask something about the never ending topic of all season :P. To cut it short, I just answered... "he will find me" :P

The night was done! Went home with two boy-friends :P. Monday arrived and gone as well! While i've got a LOT of things roaming in my heart and mind (too many to mention :P), I was amazed to myself when "Faith's bicycle ride with her daddy" scene flashed off my mind. Then the topic of that Sunday's food for the soul - "the Father's love" echoed my heart. I am reminded of my heavenly Father's love once again - it's like the Holy Spirit is re-emphasizing and reiterating it. I wonder why huh?! Oh well, maybe I felt unloved that time (kidding....LOL). I just smiled :)

Truly that Faith's daddy loves her so much that he have had spent that time with her. She wasn't totally aware of those bumpy roads that time but she has surely felt it. However, she was still and the trust and security in his daddy's cycling was there.

Unlike baby girl Faith, we, grown ups might be very on top or aware of every bumpy roads we pass by in this ride of life. We tend to do things to avoid bumps even if we need to pass by that specific bump or some would just directly avoid it to play safe huh - such a cowardice! Why not, let's just be still.... and know that our daddy up there is the one really doing the cycling thing? Why not let's just be like baby Faith? She knew that it was her daddy doing the cycling thing and her dad was with her when she passed by those bumps too.

Bible encourages us to have a faith like a child. Let's have a faith like what Faith had in that bicycle ride!

Be blessed! I'm blessed while writing this! =)

something from my heart :D

2008-09-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

Joy is what I always have in you
Enticed by the awesome things you do
Searching my heart from its inner core
Untangling my twisted life with every cure
Saturating my soul with much of allure

Comfort you give is incomparable
Heart of mine is indulged and vulnerable
Reaching out to you, do you feel it too?
In loving you is all I choose and want to do
Surreal feelings I have deep inside,
Trust and faith, I will always confide.

Love u soo much, can't wait to see you and hug you!

Wedding vs. Marriage!

2008-09-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

"Wedding takes an hour or two, but Marriage takes a lifetime!". This is one liner from our Pastor Sam that really penetrated in my heart and in my mind. I've been here in Penang, Malaysia for almost 3 years and was blessed enough to be invited in a lot of wedding ceremonies already. I noticed that the same ol' me feelin' excited but a bit fearful deep inside. Well, on top of that... here you go Mr. Teardrop on the way to my chubby cheeks :P. Yeah, I believe that for majority.. to be in a teary-eyed feeling during weddings are but normal and natural. I'd say those people who are really numb are realistically admirable but normally abnormal!

One way or another, most of us will or has come to a point of thinking how is it like if "I'm the one in the altar getting married?" Blah blah blah, blah blah blah! Heheheh... Some may be very bold and courageous enough to say that he/she wants to get married while some may say "I don't want to get married else I won't be free anymore." Well... i think everything should have at least a balance and both parties must strive to strike that balance.

I have a lot of friends who are already married and who were married before. Personally, I feel in my heart that I do want to get married but then thoughts of fears and scary things are haunting me - that's natural to a human being right? :P And I'm sure for all of you out there, at certain point you are having the same dilemma. That even my dad is scared for me, can you imagine? I remember one very early morning while he walked me through the streets on the way to work, I asked him..."Papa, question! If you are to decide for me.. would you rather want me not to marry or to marry?". At first, my papa was like errr.. "ofcourse dear it's up to you.. whatever you want...i'll be there to support you." But then I said, what if I want you to decide for me? Then somewhat not really a suprising answer of... "Well, if I am to decide for you I would prefer that you'd rather not get married". Then I bursted into laughter and exclaimed "I knew it, Papa!".

Well... talk about marriage... I'm exposed to friends having issues and challenges with either hubbies or the other way around - the wiffy! The empire of the dark-side is just always there but.. there is the BUT! The bright-side will definitely NOT stop in counter attacking the dark-side :) Now, being exposed to a lot of these... I began to think and reflect... can I cope up with the ups and downs of my own marriage? I believe so :) hahaha! God is there with me and God will also be with my future hubby! I strongly believe that if God is REALLY the center of one's marriage - it won't be an assured perfect one but it will be everlasting! "It is such a wonderful relationship when a perfect God is in the middle of 2 imperfect people." - I heard this statement from one of the hosts in 700 Club Asia. The sence of assurance in the said statement for marriage is basically God! Yeah, we can only find assurance in Him alone! :)

To end, let me leave you with a very sensible and encouraging statement from: "Forces of Nature" movie starring Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck.

"Marriage has less beauty but more safety than the single life. It's full of sorrows and full of joy. It lies under more burdens but it is supported by all the strengths of love and those burdens are delightful."

Whew! What a statement yeah?! Now here comes the dessert for the above:

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13; NIV Bible

:)

Families are forever!

2008-09-05T09:05:00.000-07:00

I saw the above sentence as a caption to a photo in Friendster of one of my friends (my ex-boyfriend actually). Ofcourse, in the pic is his family - wife and kids! It made me smile, feeling the happiness he has having his own family already. Then, I closed my eyes thinking about my family back in Manila and then visualizing my own family soon. It was like, I giggled looking forward to that day!

Well.. the above paragraph was like a bit of an intro about I wanna share in here. I just came back from my CG (Cell Group) meeting and my heart took note of the insight I had from the CG specifically from the "ice-breaker" part. Edmond asked everyone to draw what is a great life for each one of us and then share it to everyone afterwards. I wasn't really surprise that all of us draw something which included "people" figures representing "family". Since 99% of our CG are singles, well...only Pastor Mei and Pastor Eddie are the couple there... all of us draw our picture of a great life, which includes having our own family. Some drew the family with 2 kids, some have 3... and guess what?Pastor Mei drew 7 grand children instead :P. I told her I need to let Eileen (the daughter) know about it.

Anyhow, the above caption of "Families are forever" revisited my mind and reminded me to finally write about it here in blog! And so I'm here writin' about it.

Indeed family plays a very important and vital role to one's life. I remember my primary days, we have been taught that "family" is the very basic institution in a community. I can also recall most of my friends saying.... friends will go away.. but families will always be there. Families will always be the major motivation of an individual may it be to work, to school, or where ever!

At work, I always pass by cubicles whereby the family photos are there in the desk. Ofcourse, I am one of them who put my family picture beside my office stuffs :P

Personally, while I recognize the fact that it aint easy to have a family, I am looking forward to have my own. As early as 7 years old, I have been exposed to a LOT of family stuffs and issues in us - may it be taking care of my siblings as an"a-te" or "che-che" or to act as a mom while my mama is away for work and also even think about food to cook and eat, finances, marriage probs, etc. I have been imagining... how would I look like being a mommy =) and being a wife? At first, I thought, I might be a strict mom (lol) but then I said errr.. not really... I don't think so.

With the experiences I had in our family and having quite a lot of exposures from friends about family issues, I can say that I'm a little bit scared but then I'm also at peace knowing that my God is there to help me and to guide me. And so, I am focusing myself on the positive side of it looking forward to taking care of my own family - because they are forever! So for you guys... please make sure that you treasure your families well. Families are forever! =)

The saga continues...

2008-09-04T04:43:00.000-07:00

Finally! The decision to migrate my blogs into a new environment (just like here) has been taken into action! I kinda had a "not so good" experience in my blogs under "friendster" so here I am! At first, I thought to do this during my 30th birthday (lol, i'm being honest! :P) so as to mark sort of a beginning of a new decade in my existence.

Well, I noticed that I swindled down in my blogging and just told myself, I will blog stuffs in my mind and in my heart first...then when I have the time, only I'll type it down... but it never really happened for majority of the thoughts that came into my mind and in my heart.

Anyhow, before I continue the saga of any thought or something that may come up in me I'm taking note of the URL of the pre-queL of this blog. Whew! I spent like more than an hour just to find the settings where to show the link of the very first entry I had but I failed. Anyhow, if by any chance you wanna read my previous blogs.. or maybe read from the beginning, please feel free to click the link of the previous entry shown in the page ya?

URL is:

http://myblog4all.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog_for_all/

I'll make it a point to do this blogging everytime I feel urgency and a must to write down random thoughts i shall have.

That's all for now folks!