Fifteen minutes before my "one on one" talk with my manager, I decided to go to the pantry and just be consumed with the presence of silence.
I'd say, I feel dull at that moment. As I gaze at the mountains, I thought of God. I was trying to feel some kind of a different heartbeat but no extraordinary upbeat occured. Nevertheless, at the top of my mind and implicitly from the inner core of my heart, joy immersed. I shook my head and remembered something from a book I've read. Happiness is conditional, you need an object or subject to be able to feel it. However, joy is unbeatable, it has a higher value because hope arises... a hope that is only found in Him! The hope of bliss!
I blurted out, "Lord, I may feel dull at the moment, but I'm thankful that you have instilled joy deep within me. I surrender this perhaps another attack of loneliness unto Your mighty hands and I will be satisfied and contented with Thy presence in me.
Enough of so much of drama...lol. So I went to the room to proceed to my weekly meeting with my manager. Guess what? She started our talk with a very great news, which I have been hoping for... maybe two years already! I almost jumped out of my chair and shout out loud! I have put this thing in my faith - to be commenced next year but oh well, God is just awesome. I thought He just want to cheer me up after what I've just told him... about what.. like 15 minutes prior to the news! Clever and funny God I have! :D
Well, I don't wanna talk about my birthday but I suddenly thought that this is one great kick-start gift from Him.
=)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Saturday, August 1, 2009
SriLanka Special Excerpt...
-a special write-up excerpt while in Sri Lanka. I happened to grab my notebook and pen that time and started writing-
-but I'd say wait for more about the trip! :P
***
July 22, 2009
1:10pm local Sri Lanka time
*Letting "it" go*
I thank God for the flexibility of writing! At least I can simply grab a pen and a piece of paper (i'm more a conventional person :P) and let go of my current thoughts and feelings from within should I really need to let it out!
I'm in a van now on the way to Kandy, a city in Sri Lanka, when I suddenly (uhm, not really a sudden I guess) have this rush feelings of missing someone. I'd say..I consider this someone a new special gem in me. Whew! It's been quite a long time already I guess since I've felt this penetrated emotion, which is yet so special. I thought I'd pour it out in writing else I dunno what will happen to me..
Well, somehow "it" came just right in time after a "quite" not so good feeling of offense from a close friend too. With this special beat inside me, the offense just vanished! Yay!
With this missing someone special, I smiled. I can attest that it's a good one but somehow it's a little bit sad because I can recognize that it's tossed with sense of conscious fear embedded within. Sigh! I closed my eyes, reminding one of my most fave verse in the bible to myself, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Anyhow, at the corner of my heart, there's a different inkling of a smile that is filled with hope and enveloped with joy and happiness! :)
My deear Lord JC, I commit this great emotion into your mighty and strong hands! Please be with me as I go on this yet sort of a new journey of my existence! =)
-end-
-but I'd say wait for more about the trip! :P
***
July 22, 2009
1:10pm local Sri Lanka time
*Letting "it" go*
I thank God for the flexibility of writing! At least I can simply grab a pen and a piece of paper (i'm more a conventional person :P) and let go of my current thoughts and feelings from within should I really need to let it out!
I'm in a van now on the way to Kandy, a city in Sri Lanka, when I suddenly (uhm, not really a sudden I guess) have this rush feelings of missing someone. I'd say..I consider this someone a new special gem in me. Whew! It's been quite a long time already I guess since I've felt this penetrated emotion, which is yet so special. I thought I'd pour it out in writing else I dunno what will happen to me..
Well, somehow "it" came just right in time after a "quite" not so good feeling of offense from a close friend too. With this special beat inside me, the offense just vanished! Yay!
With this missing someone special, I smiled. I can attest that it's a good one but somehow it's a little bit sad because I can recognize that it's tossed with sense of conscious fear embedded within. Sigh! I closed my eyes, reminding one of my most fave verse in the bible to myself, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Anyhow, at the corner of my heart, there's a different inkling of a smile that is filled with hope and enveloped with joy and happiness! :)
My deear Lord JC, I commit this great emotion into your mighty and strong hands! Please be with me as I go on this yet sort of a new journey of my existence! =)
-end-
Monday, June 29, 2009
When things become a "norm"...
I was taken a back for a while when I received a forwarded text message this morning that contains the verse of Job 9:10, which says "He does great things too marvelous to understand".
It was a good reminder for me. I was convicted to have had read that verse as I realize I was operating in the "norm" of it already. It is the norm of knowing that He is indeed constantly doing great things too marvelous to understand, that is why it was quite a bit no big deal for me anymore - this is sooo not really good. You may ask, how can I say that. Here's a simple true-to-life example of an experience. There are mornings that when I walk on the way to the taxi-bay, I'd see birds around, hearing their chirping and then I'd normally run to them to chase them like a kid as they fly away. Then, i'll smile and enjoy their chirping, as i look into the sky following my gaze at them, hopping and jumping. Recently, yeah I still notice them but since it was like the norm already, the feeling is quite neutral already but ofcourse recognizing what God is sayin'.
I then remembered once, one of Pastor Sam's preaching that "familiarity" will somehow rub you from experiencing miracle from the Lord. I guess that's one of at least the "cons" of being familiar with something and/or with someone huh! Then I asked myself, is it really the case? :(((((( it's quite disgusting because the "leaping of the heart" isn't that high anymore but then the good part I guess is that.. it's embedded within me already. While is that so, I guess I shouldn't be complacent about it and must be proactively and cautiously into it! Anyhow, I guess just a head's up to everyone though... God's deed of great things doesn't have to be in favor of you or me okay.... and I'd say it won't always make you "happy" :P so beware! lol...
Apparently, while is that so.... I came to realize as I am typing this... that I am missing God so much... I dunno how or why but yeah... I miss Him dearly soooo much!
Familiarity somehow covered what I really feel from the very deepest part of me - the wanting and missing and loving Him so very much! What an irony!
Well, I gotta wrap this up and position myself to uncover what I feel flushing out familiarity and rediscovering the same Him in a new way!
Tata!
It was a good reminder for me. I was convicted to have had read that verse as I realize I was operating in the "norm" of it already. It is the norm of knowing that He is indeed constantly doing great things too marvelous to understand, that is why it was quite a bit no big deal for me anymore - this is sooo not really good. You may ask, how can I say that. Here's a simple true-to-life example of an experience. There are mornings that when I walk on the way to the taxi-bay, I'd see birds around, hearing their chirping and then I'd normally run to them to chase them like a kid as they fly away. Then, i'll smile and enjoy their chirping, as i look into the sky following my gaze at them, hopping and jumping. Recently, yeah I still notice them but since it was like the norm already, the feeling is quite neutral already but ofcourse recognizing what God is sayin'.
I then remembered once, one of Pastor Sam's preaching that "familiarity" will somehow rub you from experiencing miracle from the Lord. I guess that's one of at least the "cons" of being familiar with something and/or with someone huh! Then I asked myself, is it really the case? :(((((( it's quite disgusting because the "leaping of the heart" isn't that high anymore but then the good part I guess is that.. it's embedded within me already. While is that so, I guess I shouldn't be complacent about it and must be proactively and cautiously into it! Anyhow, I guess just a head's up to everyone though... God's deed of great things doesn't have to be in favor of you or me okay.... and I'd say it won't always make you "happy" :P so beware! lol...
Apparently, while is that so.... I came to realize as I am typing this... that I am missing God so much... I dunno how or why but yeah... I miss Him dearly soooo much!
Familiarity somehow covered what I really feel from the very deepest part of me - the wanting and missing and loving Him so very much! What an irony!
Well, I gotta wrap this up and position myself to uncover what I feel flushing out familiarity and rediscovering the same Him in a new way!
Tata!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The plant in a corner...
I just got back from watching the blockbuster "Transformer 2" with a bunch of awesome friends, but my mind was still in that plant at one corner in Nando's (a chicken resto here in Penang) instead of the movie itself - weird.
As I have taken note Optimus Prime's ending punchline: "With good memories, we live on!" (or something like that... I can't remember the exact wordings though ;P), my thoughts switched back to the above title.
Well, I decided to go to Queensbay say about 3hrs before the agreed meet-up dinner time. I'd thought to chill in Coffee Bean over a regular Latte first while starting a new book, which entitled "Strengths Finder".
Thirty minutes before the dinner time, I purposely went to Nando's to at least do an early reservation of a table for seventeen - now that's really called "a bunch!" :) The manager asked me to sit down in one table nearby the resto's entrance for a while and so my reading continues. I'm not sure why and how come... little I know, I turned to my right and saw a simple plant, which is located at the very corner. I stopped, keenly stared at the plant and after a while, I began to notice a beautifully-landscaped plant emersing at my sight.
I smiled.
I've recalled that there was a time, I know a girl who was just like that plant... someone mentioned that she was just around the corner, unnoticed but eventually some beauty emerged in her, which made that someone saw her. Quoting the person, "I was once blind but now I see". While is that so, something not so good happened afterwards (at least in the human's nature arena).
But just as what Optimus Prime said, I am sure that this girl will always cherish that good moment forgetting the not so good at all and then, live on! =)
At the moment, she is in that corner once again. She's living on - waiting and anticipating yet a new beholder that will not give up on the beauty gazed and choose to stay forever - just as the hope and promise instilled deep within her heart.
The plant in a corner.
As I have taken note Optimus Prime's ending punchline: "With good memories, we live on!" (or something like that... I can't remember the exact wordings though ;P), my thoughts switched back to the above title.
Well, I decided to go to Queensbay say about 3hrs before the agreed meet-up dinner time. I'd thought to chill in Coffee Bean over a regular Latte first while starting a new book, which entitled "Strengths Finder".
Thirty minutes before the dinner time, I purposely went to Nando's to at least do an early reservation of a table for seventeen - now that's really called "a bunch!" :) The manager asked me to sit down in one table nearby the resto's entrance for a while and so my reading continues. I'm not sure why and how come... little I know, I turned to my right and saw a simple plant, which is located at the very corner. I stopped, keenly stared at the plant and after a while, I began to notice a beautifully-landscaped plant emersing at my sight.
I smiled.
I've recalled that there was a time, I know a girl who was just like that plant... someone mentioned that she was just around the corner, unnoticed but eventually some beauty emerged in her, which made that someone saw her. Quoting the person, "I was once blind but now I see". While is that so, something not so good happened afterwards (at least in the human's nature arena).
But just as what Optimus Prime said, I am sure that this girl will always cherish that good moment forgetting the not so good at all and then, live on! =)
At the moment, she is in that corner once again. She's living on - waiting and anticipating yet a new beholder that will not give up on the beauty gazed and choose to stay forever - just as the hope and promise instilled deep within her heart.
The plant in a corner.
Friday, June 12, 2009
unusual morning... sigh!
This morning...I woke up realizing that tears flowing down my whole face, wandering about the question: why is it more painful when the one you love is the one hurting you? And somehow, there's a cloud of heaviness within my heart that is slowly being released as I cry out silently while cuddling in bed.
As tears continuosly flowing down my cheeks, my heart is somehow taking hold of God accompanying my sighing with words of prayer unto Him. I can't imagine myself without JC by my side... I wonder how God can do it when all of us whom He loves and majority are like walking away, hurting Him? I'm pretty sure He's hurt badly the way we do too since we are made in His image. But...nah.. He has done it all and won the victory...and me? I'm not God... that's why I need Him all the time.
Anyhow...at first, I thought it was just because of one good friend (or should I say used to be good friend?) who's been acting so weird lately that I asked myself why in the world I'm so offended in most of the person's gestures? It's a bit odd because when I think about other friends, it's a different of a scenario :S Anyhow, this situation is actually something not new to me anymore. Perhaps, the interval of time that lapsed makes me a little bit obnoxious that I tended to react this way. Errrr... crying is one good outlet Imma say.. but..yeah crying it out to someone is better... good thing I have that constant someone with me all the time :P
Well, I guess there's really nothing constant in this world except "change" and we just have to bear and deal with it - ofcourse not by our own might and own strength but by His Spirit and His Power.
I began to think about other things and other people as well as my day moves along. One way or another, there are a lot of people out there who may feel sadness, loneliness and a various kind of struggles and challenges... and the likes. After all, I'm not alone in that arena. Perhaps, I may have a little bit of edge or difference from the most - I have this someone's peace that surpasses all understanding, ultimate joy, & big-time hope of eternity .
For it is said, those who sow in tears will reap songs with joy!
Now, I gotta get ready to visit the "grannies" somewhere here in Penang.....
As tears continuosly flowing down my cheeks, my heart is somehow taking hold of God accompanying my sighing with words of prayer unto Him. I can't imagine myself without JC by my side... I wonder how God can do it when all of us whom He loves and majority are like walking away, hurting Him? I'm pretty sure He's hurt badly the way we do too since we are made in His image. But...nah.. He has done it all and won the victory...and me? I'm not God... that's why I need Him all the time.
Anyhow...at first, I thought it was just because of one good friend (or should I say used to be good friend?) who's been acting so weird lately that I asked myself why in the world I'm so offended in most of the person's gestures? It's a bit odd because when I think about other friends, it's a different of a scenario :S Anyhow, this situation is actually something not new to me anymore. Perhaps, the interval of time that lapsed makes me a little bit obnoxious that I tended to react this way. Errrr... crying is one good outlet Imma say.. but..yeah crying it out to someone is better... good thing I have that constant someone with me all the time :P
Well, I guess there's really nothing constant in this world except "change" and we just have to bear and deal with it - ofcourse not by our own might and own strength but by His Spirit and His Power.
I began to think about other things and other people as well as my day moves along. One way or another, there are a lot of people out there who may feel sadness, loneliness and a various kind of struggles and challenges... and the likes. After all, I'm not alone in that arena. Perhaps, I may have a little bit of edge or difference from the most - I have this someone's peace that surpasses all understanding, ultimate joy, & big-time hope of eternity .
For it is said, those who sow in tears will reap songs with joy!
Now, I gotta get ready to visit the "grannies" somewhere here in Penang.....
Thursday, May 14, 2009
SHIRLEY MOY...
Serious look from the outside, little cheeky deep inside.
Hommie type of a person, she's one friend I can lean on.
In the course of my stay here in Penang,
Rich moments together are treasured with a bang!
Little she knows...I value her so much.
Emblem of true love and friendship that is,
Yielded forever in the inner core of my heart.
Moving on for greater heights, she has my full support....
On the shadow of HIS wings, she will rise up and be anchored.
Yet while is that so, she'll be missed A LOT.
Shirley my dear....it has started to sink in already. Sigh, I'm not sure how to react when the time comes that you will finally be in SG. Anyhow, it's for your own good and growth. Promise to pray for me ALL the time as you know if not all, MOST of what's inside me. Thank you so much for being such a "lotsa" to me.... Thanks for listening to the things I am NOT speaking... Know that I'll be missing you every now and then! Love you sis! HUGZ!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
what's up, dad?
She's more than thankful for the blessings she has been receiving from Him especially caring friends (not to mention the "indirect" care others giving her..lol..). There was one friend of hers who was thoughtful enough to really wish her that someday she'll have the guy who will really take care of her - she thought, is she really difficult to handle? hahaha. What a compliment that he even blurted, "if only I'm not married" and yes this guy is married.. she bursted in laughter...
Most of her friends even telling her, "you deserve someone better". She will just normally shake her head, "everyone deserves better" she thought.
One time, she asked a friend.. why does she deserves someone better? The answer was, "Yes, you deserve someone better because you have so much love to give that it should be appreciated"... Well, she just kept quiet.
She thought that if her family and good friends can really care that enough for her, how much more her daddy up there? He should be up to something really really awesome :)
It was dawn time, she smiled and cuddled, grasping the cool breeze of the air clinging to that hope she has, looking forward to that very moment. Standing in that triangular shape of an area during one of the "stop over" on the way to an island (that was about 2-3am), she looked up and searched for the brightest star shining and whispered... "what's up, dad?"
:)
***
Most of her friends even telling her, "you deserve someone better". She will just normally shake her head, "everyone deserves better" she thought.
One time, she asked a friend.. why does she deserves someone better? The answer was, "Yes, you deserve someone better because you have so much love to give that it should be appreciated"... Well, she just kept quiet.
She thought that if her family and good friends can really care that enough for her, how much more her daddy up there? He should be up to something really really awesome :)
It was dawn time, she smiled and cuddled, grasping the cool breeze of the air clinging to that hope she has, looking forward to that very moment. Standing in that triangular shape of an area during one of the "stop over" on the way to an island (that was about 2-3am), she looked up and searched for the brightest star shining and whispered... "what's up, dad?"
:)
***
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