It's Black Saturday 2018 and I'm alone. Not that I dread it but I planned this me-time to write something in here.... Been thinking about putting up a post for a week now and I finally and literally helped myself to make my fingers type. Today, we planned to have some out-of-town picnic and celebration for my friends in the current company; that is to celebrate Jeff's birthday and sorta farewell for Alvin. We had fun playing in the waters of Sungai Sedim, a river somewhere in Kulim, Malaysia.While all of us are enjoying the nature, I was particularly kinda meditating while gazing at the strong current of flowing waters and the rocks in between. The scenery gave me a revelation of Psalms 18:2, "The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."
So much for the present and lemme begin what's related to the title of this entry :P Thought I'd give a quick run through of my 2017 so that I have something to read in the future when I turn on my "reminiscin'" mode...
2017 - A year that I will never forget. A year full of blessings, fulfillment of dreams, and lotsa prayers answered by God. I'm in awe and more than thankful.
Tomorrow will commence the 1st year of my "best April Fool's day" ever. Last year April 1 was when my dear "now-husband" finally popped the question asking me to marry him. I already had the idea back then when he was still planning it all because I recognized some clues, nevertheless, I played along and planned to act "surprised". Don't say I'm a "kill-joy" but in fairness, we have been discussing about "it" for quite some time so I'd say the element of surprise wasn't there anymore. Somehow, it turned out to be as surprising as it can be. While I knew it's gonna happen and knew who were the people involved, there was a twist in the situation that totally made me real surprised instead. He made a very touching AVP of me and of us and invited my long old friends into the rented venue. That truly gave me a real surprise that I ended up crying like a baby. Cries of genuine happiness. I consider his proposal as a milestone and one of the many important moments of my life and I wanted to have with me all my closest friends and love ones. Well, it just so happen that my family is back home, hence they couldn't be in the celebration. And so I said yes! :)
Obviously the next step would be the planning, which is I'd say "challenging" for anyone who'd do especially for people like me, like us, who are very sentimental. Within April, we've decided on a date, hence, the planning started abruptly. It's gonna be in September! What makes it extra-interesting is guess what? In May, I had to travel to US for a business trip and I'd be away for about 3 weeks! Well it's basically more of attending a conference in Florida in which I am going to receive an award from my current company. I'm thankful for the award and I deserve it. It's fascinating as well that I get to bring 1 guest with me for the trip, all expense paid! Isn't that awesome? I brought my dear sister with me and that US trip gave us some time to bond, love and hate each other...lol... you know sisters or siblings would have some cats and dogs fight mode on. Nevertheless, I treasured the moments. Cecelia and I had the chance to meet up and spend some time with our Uncle in Jacksonville; she had the chance to meet up with her friend Ana. I made a side trip to our Englewood Colorado office while Ces took the opportunity to rest. We also both had the chance to spend quality time with Tito Eddie, Tita Claire and cousins Kristel & her boyfriend Mark and some time with Kate before she got married.We also met up with Ryan Potpot and Kuya JunJun & family. Our trip to US was really in a good timing and we were able to meet up many relatives and somehow joined special celebrations like Tita Claire's birthday, Kate's bridal shower and some baby shower of their family friend. It was unforgettable and I'm more than thankful to God for the awesome wonderful blessings and opportunity.
June, July, August passed by so swiftly and occupied my time to the max! Most of the days were spent wisely ofcourse you know where right? Planning our wedding. We wanted our wedding to be in the Philippines since our respective families are there and we are from there. Discussions about the place, the entourage list, managing the black and white requirements for a marriage certificate, and what not were done. We invited very close friends here in Penang and we are so grateful that most of them said "yes, we are coming"; and then they booked their own flights and hotels in which we are glad to know! :) In fact, they even booked their flights earlier than us, talk about being too excited for us huh! :P Well, just to let you know, I did hire a wedding planner but I am telling you, even though you do so, as the "bride", I would say you'll end up making sure everything is perfectly planned. I'm thankful to have my sisters, Tin & Ces and bestfriend Lorna to help me coordinate, etc. from Manila. On the sides, we were going through the Pre-marital counselling with Pastor GP and we finished it by end of June. At the same time, we were practicing some dance, which we want to perform as a surprise for our guests, to the tune of "Footloose" :P
September 2nd was the wedding day! We went back to Manila a week earlier to do what other preparations that we needed to do. Our guests from Penang arrived on the "Thursday" of that week, the wedding was on a Saturday. It was held in Tagaytay. We checked in a very nice "small- homey" hotel and that's where we have requested our Penang Guests to check in also. It was in Carmelence Lodge and Carmelence View. There's a nice view of the Taal Lake, the rooms are wonderful. Just google it and you'll be able to browser their website. The usual "wedding" escapades were done, video shoot, photoshoot, etc.
We planned a garden wedding but the weather was having its tantrums so we ended up making it indoor. The indoor venue was a rustic-type and my wedding gown was like a victorian style so I thought that's a match. Well, we did all the things that a couple would usually do on their wedding - Philippines style ya.... However, we have prepared something extra-ordinary and special for that night. The special final dance and fireworks as finale. We requested all married couples to go out of the garden and to join us in our last dance for the night to the tune of "Love moves in a mysterious ways", Nina version. In the end, we surprised everyone with fireworks. We wanted to share our "cloud 9" moment with all married couples present and wished to re-spark their love with each other through the dance and the fireworks! The wives were soo happy that some of them uttered that they've been married for 20 years or more but were never danced by their husbands ever! And so all of us "wives" were smiling away! It was magical, not just for us but for all the couples! Mission accomplished.
Here's the link to our SDE that you wanna check out: https://vimeo.com/232420728
Well, October, November and December were more of things that a new couple would do. I'll leave this an open-ended area to let you think; besides, this entry is too long already. I have to cut it and write my ending paragraph! :P
Now, it's 2018. Lots of things still. But I wanna end with having the Lord Jesus Christ in mind. I couldn't be more than thankful for what he did on the cross to save me, all of us from our sins! In one and a half hours time, it's gonna be Easter!
Have a blessed Easter 2018!
-end-
3186
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
1st ECG Experience
It's been a while.
So many things have happened for the past what, more than 1.5 years since my last blog entry. Yeah, I was too occupied with what's going on with my life and Imma say, I had no time and no mood really to write. It's not because I don't want too but it's just that, it looked like time flies like mad lately that I can't even find time to do this. Or perhaps, blogging has become a lesser priority? I dunno...
Recently, a friend from Oregon visited Penang again after 5years. Well, it took him 5years to get some approvals for his business trip here again. We met up together with my person and shared snapshots of our respective stories for the past 5years. I got to know that he's an avid reader of this blog and somehow deep inside, I was delighted to know. So, yeah.... you can say that this blog entry is to give him something new to read! :P
So anyways, for the past couple of months, I have been experiencing some chest pains and perhaps sort of difficulty in breathing. It's intermittent and I am not really sure why. Hence, I decided to have it checked in a nearby clinic. They checked my BP and it was 93/63, pulse rate and heart beat were normal. It's a good thing that the clinic has some basic facilities and the doctor on duty had me go through what they call ECG.
And so I had my very first ECG experience.
Overall, it was okay and not really a biggie. They would just plugin some strobes somewhere in your chest on the left side where the heart is supposedly located. Results came out good and I thought that was a big relief. LOL...The doctor even said that my breathing was normal and she didn't hear any issue upon using the stethoscope to check it.
In the end, I was given some medication for muscle relaxant and breathlessness to take and the doctor advised me to relax and be kind to myself. Apparently, the chest pains etc. might be caused by anxiety and/or stress. It puzzled me a little since in my opinion I don't think I'm having such things though.
Be kind to myself. Hmmm... that made me think..it made me think how to be kind to myself. I went home and gave myself a break after taking the 2 tablets of medicine. I dived into bed and prayed and talk to God about what's going on. Lately, I have been lazy doing this and perhaps this is a wake-up call to once again commune with the lover of my soul.
The pain was gone for a little but came back again in a span of 12 hours. Oh well, it's still puzzling me that I wanted to find Dr. House and have me diagnosed haha! Okay, enough already I am thinking too much again.
Kidding aside, I just hope and pray that whatever this is, it will be gone!
Hi Tim! :D
Bye for now.
-end-
3129
So many things have happened for the past what, more than 1.5 years since my last blog entry. Yeah, I was too occupied with what's going on with my life and Imma say, I had no time and no mood really to write. It's not because I don't want too but it's just that, it looked like time flies like mad lately that I can't even find time to do this. Or perhaps, blogging has become a lesser priority? I dunno...
Recently, a friend from Oregon visited Penang again after 5years. Well, it took him 5years to get some approvals for his business trip here again. We met up together with my person and shared snapshots of our respective stories for the past 5years. I got to know that he's an avid reader of this blog and somehow deep inside, I was delighted to know. So, yeah.... you can say that this blog entry is to give him something new to read! :P
So anyways, for the past couple of months, I have been experiencing some chest pains and perhaps sort of difficulty in breathing. It's intermittent and I am not really sure why. Hence, I decided to have it checked in a nearby clinic. They checked my BP and it was 93/63, pulse rate and heart beat were normal. It's a good thing that the clinic has some basic facilities and the doctor on duty had me go through what they call ECG.
And so I had my very first ECG experience.
Overall, it was okay and not really a biggie. They would just plugin some strobes somewhere in your chest on the left side where the heart is supposedly located. Results came out good and I thought that was a big relief. LOL...The doctor even said that my breathing was normal and she didn't hear any issue upon using the stethoscope to check it.
In the end, I was given some medication for muscle relaxant and breathlessness to take and the doctor advised me to relax and be kind to myself. Apparently, the chest pains etc. might be caused by anxiety and/or stress. It puzzled me a little since in my opinion I don't think I'm having such things though.
Be kind to myself. Hmmm... that made me think..it made me think how to be kind to myself. I went home and gave myself a break after taking the 2 tablets of medicine. I dived into bed and prayed and talk to God about what's going on. Lately, I have been lazy doing this and perhaps this is a wake-up call to once again commune with the lover of my soul.
The pain was gone for a little but came back again in a span of 12 hours. Oh well, it's still puzzling me that I wanted to find Dr. House and have me diagnosed haha! Okay, enough already I am thinking too much again.
Kidding aside, I just hope and pray that whatever this is, it will be gone!
Hi Tim! :D
Bye for now.
-end-
3129
Sunday, January 4, 2015
My 2015 Mantra
I just parted ways with my family and love one from Discovery Suites, from our "staycation" - they're goin home, I'm meetin up some friends. Walked my way 'til megamall and as expected, a test of patience for waiting for the "late comers" ;-)
Wendy's is still at the same place in there and I thought of having my classic faves - bacon mushroom melt & what else? Frosty!!! As I sat in a corner, started my burger & ice cream, I got hooked up in the net, yay!
Multitasking nature turned on - I was eating, browsing, looking at passerby people, goofing with a kid at the other side of the glass wall and then suddenly stopped. I paused and thought, hmmm..what will be my 2015 focus? Initially, I thought about just keep on loving the people who love me back, focus my time, my attention, my everything to them; stop wasting time and energy of even just thinking to those who ignore me or just perhaps choose to cross me out in their lives. After all, the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love AND be loved in return - from Moulin Rouge movie, remember? As I continue contemplating on the thought, Someone knocked my head and heart off and reminded me of something...
"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"
I gulped and almost wanted to argue but eventually folded. Freed up the first thought and chose to listen to that whispered reminder...
My mind started to accumulate as many people in my life, in my thoughts... those who love me, those who hate me, those who are just so so/ neutral to me and even those who don't know me. I reminisced moments, the good and the bad, as fast and as many as I can. Smiled and uttered a simple prayer and hope for all and concluded my 2015 mantra:
Don't stop loving, don't stop caring; even to those who won't and who couldn't love and care for me back.
Love, love, love!
Why? Because God is love! :)
-end- 2946
Sunday, September 22, 2013
out of the blue
We arrived LCCT airport on time. After getting the baggage, both of us dropped by a duty free store to check out the price of Bailey's when we come across the chocolates area. I left him there to roam around more then I head back to where mama is waiting for us.
When he came out from the store, he handed me over a bag with two boxes of Lindt dark chocolates. One was the same as the first chocolate he gave me, thin squares of Lindt dark chocolate and the other was in a heart-shaped container.
It was out the blue and ofcourse unexpected. I smiled.
We had more time to roam around LCCT airport because our next flight will be in another 5hours time. I accompanied my mother to an area where we can sit comfortably and just do anything that we can do to kill time while he disappeared. He said he'll just walk around and check out some shops in the airport, sort of a window shopping.
When he returned to where we were chillin', he handed over a couple of small dark-chocolate toblerone.... yes, chocolates again! I smiled and was glad deep inside. He knew before I wanted to have that kind of chocolate. I saw once like more than a week ago but it was too big and pricey. When he saw the opportunity of the smaller size's availability, he grabbed it, gave it to me.
Out of the blue, my heart smiled.
Out of the blue, he made me smile.
Out of the blue, I've wished it's gonna be always like this.
Out of the blue, everything seems gonna be bright!
-2790
When he came out from the store, he handed me over a bag with two boxes of Lindt dark chocolates. One was the same as the first chocolate he gave me, thin squares of Lindt dark chocolate and the other was in a heart-shaped container.
It was out the blue and ofcourse unexpected. I smiled.
We had more time to roam around LCCT airport because our next flight will be in another 5hours time. I accompanied my mother to an area where we can sit comfortably and just do anything that we can do to kill time while he disappeared. He said he'll just walk around and check out some shops in the airport, sort of a window shopping.
When he returned to where we were chillin', he handed over a couple of small dark-chocolate toblerone.... yes, chocolates again! I smiled and was glad deep inside. He knew before I wanted to have that kind of chocolate. I saw once like more than a week ago but it was too big and pricey. When he saw the opportunity of the smaller size's availability, he grabbed it, gave it to me.
Out of the blue, my heart smiled.
Out of the blue, he made me smile.
Out of the blue, I've wished it's gonna be always like this.
Out of the blue, everything seems gonna be bright!
-2790
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Post 35: Fear Not~!
The funny thing about life here on earth is, that while most of us (for instance, myself) have received that blessed assurance from the hope of all hearts (ask me how & who), still this human nature stuff is being a pain in the *toooooot*, I meant pain in the neck! LOL!
Few days post my 35th year, these variety of fear crept the 'heavens' out of me. Hybrid type of the good and the bad ones that gave me a pinch of paralysis all over - this I must admit. Yes, I'm still human and fear is no stranger to myself too.
Call it a wonderful birthday present, I recently accepted a new role at work that triggered everything. I was grateful, happy and excited because this role is something related to one of the things that I really like or love to do - that is what I dub as, to take care of people although in the corporate realm, they call it people manager. However, the fall back is that I suddenly felt fear and started to think of many things such as how am I gonna manage it, how am I gonna do it, etcetera, etcetera. On top of that, all these "authentic" rumors about manpower reduction because of the changes and transformation about to take place aggregated my dilemma. As those fears roam around within me, this another fear under my "personal life" catalogue emerged. I consider this area as a core of my being so this fear is really freaking me out.
Now here are the nice part of this blog :)
While I was murmuring silently and getting myself together praying for refuge from the Lord, the topic we discussed in our life group was about fear and overcoming it. I smiled and sighed a relief. The bible verses we've shared and discussed about, lifted up myself and my spirit then voila, those fear started to get drowned and gone with the wind. Below are some:
Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
1 John 4:18 - There is not fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
The undisputed Psalms 23 - this is considered an all time favorite of the many.
Truly, the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to the dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:13).
Even Facebook's "God wants you know" apps gave me an insight of encouragement regarding fear that helped me to swim across its ocean. Is it funny or just timing or maybe God is doing something about it to speak to me?
And when we had a combined meeting within my current org yesterday, the big boss shared quotes about "change" that are rather encouraging and enchanting.
At night, a dear friend dated me to have some post celebration... although part of it was, me using her escape goat to buy that Phiten necklace for her boyfriend's birthday. I realize.... I really appreciate this kind of simple things, the strolling, mall-ing, plus tidbits of chitchat, and of course the eating. These somehow helped me get passed of thinking those destructive fears in me.
With the dilemma of fear vs. all of the above weapons, I'm once again ready to face fear and conquer it with victory! Hence my mantra is....
FEAR NOT!
-2740
Friday, August 16, 2013
at thirty five...
I am not in-denial of my age but it's just that, I still can't believe I'm already thirty five years old... boooya! LOL! What's the big deal? :P Main reason I would say is that all those past memories since I was a kid from primary days, to high school life, college days, until now....are still vivid in me that I could re-tell the associated stories in a detailed manner!
Oh well... it's been four days since I officially and biologically turned 35; It's Saturday anyway and I can't procrastinate no more longer, hence, I kicked the butt of my fingers, electrocuted my brain, and pound my heart to make sure I'd get this birthday blog moving, soooo... here I am.
At thirty five, I said I want to reflect about things I have accomplished in the past until now but instead, I thought about things like what's gonna happen in the future, what else can I do, should I do, or can still accomplish... of course not by myself and own will alone.. but with God by my side.
At thirty five, I don't want to brag that I'm wiser but instead, I want to recognize myself for having additional experiences in life that makes me wonder more and explore more like a child. Despite of the noticeable variance in emotions and physical notions, which is more on the passive side (I'm kinda disappointed to myself that I'm starting not to be active, physically!), my mind is cautiously tougher and eager.
At thirty five, it has come to my attention that I still have a lot of things to learn and to re-learn. It might sound quite unusual to others but for me, it is something that I thought is necessary as well. I need to learn not to care too much about things and other people so as not to end up spoon-feeding them and many more possible not helpful or not good outcomes (or over spoon-feeding I'd say) and that they can learn on their own too or giving all ending up nothing left for my own self tending to be burned out and just tear apart out of the blue. Come to think of it, everything that is too much is really not good huh?! I need to re-learn some of the basics as well so as things won't go complicated and more confusing, and there's the so-called "many to mention".
At thirty five, I can somehow describe how is the feeling when you have been to both sides of a certain situation (of course not at the same time okay!). Stuff like for example, being in a situation where there's a "nice-guy-friend" in your life that you came to a point of misinterpreting it as if he likes you and he is basically in love with the other girl, and then suddenly you're that girl whom the guy is in-love with and he was a "nice-guy-friend" to another girl who misinterpreted it she thought he likes her. Another one would be, you were so poor before that you have nothing to eat at all and now food just rots in your fridge because it's just too much or way more than you can have; instance like you were a loner then suddenly you're surrounded with people and "friends" and then you're back having just "few" true friends and a whole lot more examples! Oopps don't get me wrong, those were just examples, don't have to be connected or related to me okay! For illustration purposes, lol. Suddenly I remember the song "Both Sides Now" (Joni Mitchell's version ya!) and of course non other than Paul. In Philippians 4:12, he wrote, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
At thirty five, I'm neither happy nor sad. Instead, I'm hopeful and joyful. It's true that as humans, we tend to be either sad or happy. Being sad or happy is contributed by the circumstances happening in our lives, by the things around us, may it be material or other stuff, or by the people around us whether we love them or not. However, having hope and joy deep inside? They only point us towards a one, The One! our dear Lord Jesus Christ! On my actual 35th birthday, there were things that could have been contributed to me being sad and in tears; happy and in all smiles; but the joy and hope I have deep inside my heart ended me both in tears and smiles both in a good positive way.
At thirty five, I'm just at peace. Our peace is not in the absence of troubles but in the presence of Jesus Christ. That leads me to saying I am complete, I am complete with the presence of the lover of my soul in my heart. I am complete in Jesus Christ. I am not perfect and still have flaws, funny thing is that there's a possibility that some flaws have just grown up but I know for sure that God is still not finished with me still...Yes, not yet... no... not until I literally depart from this fallen world and go home to heaven! :P
-2706-
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The Inevitable~!
I just finished watching John Lloyd & Bea's "One More Chance" movie again. Upon watching it for the second time, it made me realize that there's one very thing that is inevitable to happen - to get hurt.
There are things that even though we say we do not want to do to hurt other people, still, it is inevitable and will possibly bound to happen.
I began to think about it really hard. Yeah, I've been drastically hurt like around 6 years ago.
I was totally wrecked and even to the point of literally not being able to breathe because of the pain when I got hurt. But then again, looking back, I'm glad that I'm able to fully smile today and say... hey, it wasn't that bad after all.
I survived the wreckage. I'm still right here, able to stand up, enjoy and live life to the fullest - knowing that I have God with me all the time.
Indeed, pain is inevitable and part of reality (even God himself experienced all kinds of pain, I must say).
However, at the same time, it helps you to grow and be more mature, and it will be an open door for you to realize that there are more goodness in life ahead of you. So...
Cheer. Up. Look. Up. Life. Is. Good.
:)
There are things that even though we say we do not want to do to hurt other people, still, it is inevitable and will possibly bound to happen.
I began to think about it really hard. Yeah, I've been drastically hurt like around 6 years ago.
I was totally wrecked and even to the point of literally not being able to breathe because of the pain when I got hurt. But then again, looking back, I'm glad that I'm able to fully smile today and say... hey, it wasn't that bad after all.
I survived the wreckage. I'm still right here, able to stand up, enjoy and live life to the fullest - knowing that I have God with me all the time.
Indeed, pain is inevitable and part of reality (even God himself experienced all kinds of pain, I must say).
However, at the same time, it helps you to grow and be more mature, and it will be an open door for you to realize that there are more goodness in life ahead of you. So...
Cheer. Up. Look. Up. Life. Is. Good.
:)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year's Eve 2013
Part of my thoughts on what to do for the festive season was the New Year's eve. If I'm in Manila, it sure is a big thing next to Christmas. Everyone in our family will have our respective dish/food to cook and lay down on the table. Then just before the midnight strikes, the table will be loaded with all kinds of food not forgetting the 12 kinds of fruits in the center. Somehow, it's a Filipino belief that if you have those 12 fruits in the table, it would mean 12 months of prosperity! Not bad huh!
Anyhow, I have thought of doing something new for this year; which is to go out and wait for the countdown somewhere... maybe in a mall with the New Year countdown by myself. Alas, because I just had my new housemate moved in during the middle of December, I have company. She didn't have the work and as we were talking on what to do for the new year's eve, she kinda insisted that we cook, celebrate the eve and stay at home to welcome the new year. She furthermore mentioned that it's good that we're at home on the first day of the year. I said, okay, that's not a bad idea.
And so we did. In the morning, we were up early to go to the wet market and buy the ingredients we're gonna cook. We had paksiw na pata, shanghai roll, nilasing na hipon (drunken prawn); chocolate cake, and leche flan.
While in the market, I received a text message from my dear godfather, Uncle Ron inviting me for New Year's Eve dinner. I just can't say no to him and Adrien every time he invites me for dinner. So I was at Lavinia apartments for dinner and headed back home by around 10pm, just in time to fry the shanghai roll and prepare the "media noche" table.
I want to thank God for technology, I was skyping with my family while eating the media noche we've prepared so it's like I'm with them. Side by side, my housemate is also skyping with her boyfriend and her family overseas.
Overall, it was a good new year's eve celebration. I can't wait for December 2013 as I have already set my mind that I'm going back to Manila to celebrate these important occasion with my family and friends!
I bid goodbye to 2012, say hello to 2013 with warm embrace, full of faith, hope & love!
Thank You Lord once again for everything!
Anyhow, I have thought of doing something new for this year; which is to go out and wait for the countdown somewhere... maybe in a mall with the New Year countdown by myself. Alas, because I just had my new housemate moved in during the middle of December, I have company. She didn't have the work and as we were talking on what to do for the new year's eve, she kinda insisted that we cook, celebrate the eve and stay at home to welcome the new year. She furthermore mentioned that it's good that we're at home on the first day of the year. I said, okay, that's not a bad idea.
And so we did. In the morning, we were up early to go to the wet market and buy the ingredients we're gonna cook. We had paksiw na pata, shanghai roll, nilasing na hipon (drunken prawn); chocolate cake, and leche flan.
While in the market, I received a text message from my dear godfather, Uncle Ron inviting me for New Year's Eve dinner. I just can't say no to him and Adrien every time he invites me for dinner. So I was at Lavinia apartments for dinner and headed back home by around 10pm, just in time to fry the shanghai roll and prepare the "media noche" table.
I want to thank God for technology, I was skyping with my family while eating the media noche we've prepared so it's like I'm with them. Side by side, my housemate is also skyping with her boyfriend and her family overseas.
Overall, it was a good new year's eve celebration. I can't wait for December 2013 as I have already set my mind that I'm going back to Manila to celebrate these important occasion with my family and friends!
I bid goodbye to 2012, say hello to 2013 with warm embrace, full of faith, hope & love!
Thank You Lord once again for everything!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Christmas 2012
I was all prepared to be really alone during this Christmas. I thought this is what I'll get in exchange for an awesome Christmas season last year when my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate with me. In fact, I was kinda devastated that I ended up not watching the musical play "Homer" already so I told myself, this year's Christmas isn't really going to be a good one. I felt like all my considered good friends kinda left me out or forgot about me since they're all with their family & love ones. I didn't take that against them anyway since it's their right to spend time with their family....haha!
I kept on contemplating what shall I do during this very special day (it will always be special). Perhaps, after skyping with my precious family in Manila, I thought I'd spend time with God alone, celebrate His sort of birthday so to speak and just dwell in His presence all by myself. I decided to just be thankful and enjoy this private moment. On a side note though, I had this little justification with God saying, "but Lord, isn't that when happiness is shared it is doubled? But anyhow, I will choose to be happy by just having You.".
Well, the Lord won't simply allow His children to be really sad on His birthday will He? I received an invitation from a colleague/friend who's literally seating just beside my cubicle at work to join them for the Christmas eve Noche Buena. At first, I didn't want to go because I thought they're a couple & would need their privacy celebrating. My conscience was scolding me, "Cut the crap of your pride & just go already! They invited you sincerely!" And so I went. The Noche Buena feast with Nestie & Ana was simple but very intimate. It was just the 3 of us! :D They didn't even allow me to drive and go home that night and so I slept over at their place.
Christmas day, I picked up my new housemate from work as she worked night shift on the 24th early in the morning. After that, I took a nap and head to the Christmas Day church service with another couple friend, Tze Han & Lay Ching whom invited me to join them. They picked me up and we went to Traders Hotel for the Christmas service. We then had a Japanese food lunch with Tze Han's aunties and cousins. It was a great Christmas day lunch meal.
I admire couples who welcome company in times like these. Moreover, people who are inclusive and make you feel "you're not alone" when someone is actually alone. I will usually think that I'm like a disturbance or annoyance to them but they've treated me with much sincerity and showed me a good sense of belonging. At the end of the day, perhaps just when I thought that my good friends abandoned me, Christmas 2012 made me realize that I have other good friends as mentioned. This, I will treasure deeply in my heart and are added to the things that will make me remember that God is good all the time!
Now let's see what's gonna happen for the New Year's eve. Stay tuned! =)
I kept on contemplating what shall I do during this very special day (it will always be special). Perhaps, after skyping with my precious family in Manila, I thought I'd spend time with God alone, celebrate His sort of birthday so to speak and just dwell in His presence all by myself. I decided to just be thankful and enjoy this private moment. On a side note though, I had this little justification with God saying, "but Lord, isn't that when happiness is shared it is doubled? But anyhow, I will choose to be happy by just having You.".
Well, the Lord won't simply allow His children to be really sad on His birthday will He? I received an invitation from a colleague/friend who's literally seating just beside my cubicle at work to join them for the Christmas eve Noche Buena. At first, I didn't want to go because I thought they're a couple & would need their privacy celebrating. My conscience was scolding me, "Cut the crap of your pride & just go already! They invited you sincerely!" And so I went. The Noche Buena feast with Nestie & Ana was simple but very intimate. It was just the 3 of us! :D They didn't even allow me to drive and go home that night and so I slept over at their place.
Christmas day, I picked up my new housemate from work as she worked night shift on the 24th early in the morning. After that, I took a nap and head to the Christmas Day church service with another couple friend, Tze Han & Lay Ching whom invited me to join them. They picked me up and we went to Traders Hotel for the Christmas service. We then had a Japanese food lunch with Tze Han's aunties and cousins. It was a great Christmas day lunch meal.
I admire couples who welcome company in times like these. Moreover, people who are inclusive and make you feel "you're not alone" when someone is actually alone. I will usually think that I'm like a disturbance or annoyance to them but they've treated me with much sincerity and showed me a good sense of belonging. At the end of the day, perhaps just when I thought that my good friends abandoned me, Christmas 2012 made me realize that I have other good friends as mentioned. This, I will treasure deeply in my heart and are added to the things that will make me remember that God is good all the time!
Now let's see what's gonna happen for the New Year's eve. Stay tuned! =)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Fear not, Be glad.....
A lot of good and happy things are going on. One of my housemates has gone to SG for a new job and the other one will relocate to Sydney soon. Another good friend was recently attached and I'd say much inlove... How nice, I'm really glad for what's happening in their respective lives.
All those things I would say are good for all of my friends. I would say I'm happy for them but oh well, when human nature kicks in, and when my own thoughts return to thinking about myself, there's this substance of sadness and fear. That selfish question "what about me?" or "how about me?" kicks in. Then that gloomy clouds hover within my heart and my mind. Deep inside, I am crying out loud unto God. Seems like the impression to me is that He's not listening to my cries at all. But then, there were times, I am being reminded of the past things happened in my life. Now, this seems God as well, reminding me of awesome great things He has done when I was at the edge of my agony way back 7 years ago. So, I kept quiet. I tried my best to be very still reminding myself over and over again to be still before the Lord and know that He is God.
Yeah, I must admit, a lot of things yet to happen, that somehow really made me scared and be worried implicitly. Things that involves the present and the future for my family and myself.
However, I don't know why after today, I suddenly felt like I am not that scared of things yet to happen any more. It's like there's this very very still small voice telling me:
Fear not, Be glad..... I am with You.
All those things I would say are good for all of my friends. I would say I'm happy for them but oh well, when human nature kicks in, and when my own thoughts return to thinking about myself, there's this substance of sadness and fear. That selfish question "what about me?" or "how about me?" kicks in. Then that gloomy clouds hover within my heart and my mind. Deep inside, I am crying out loud unto God. Seems like the impression to me is that He's not listening to my cries at all. But then, there were times, I am being reminded of the past things happened in my life. Now, this seems God as well, reminding me of awesome great things He has done when I was at the edge of my agony way back 7 years ago. So, I kept quiet. I tried my best to be very still reminding myself over and over again to be still before the Lord and know that He is God.
Yeah, I must admit, a lot of things yet to happen, that somehow really made me scared and be worried implicitly. Things that involves the present and the future for my family and myself.
However, I don't know why after today, I suddenly felt like I am not that scared of things yet to happen any more. It's like there's this very very still small voice telling me:
Fear not, Be glad..... I am with You.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
First Half - 2012!
Here I am, in a Starbucks corner; trying to contain all the thoughts roaming my mind and thinking which one to put into writing. Then, a major thought emerged! OMG, it's mid-2012 already! This complicated things and lead my brain into thinking more thoughts, hah!
Those thoughts revolve around things that took place in the past six months, the present, and of course the future wouldn't want to be left out.
The Past Six Months. I'm the type of person who choose to focus more on the good side of things rather than the bad. However, I sure don't simply forget the bad ones because I use them as objects for lessons learned. Basically the bad stuff are normally composed of the negative emotion existence. Imma say that these include loneliness, anger, little bit of bitterness, self-pity, maybe envy, and the worst is hopelessness (or the list could go on and on). The enemy is just clever enough to make use of these feelings to turn me down maybe even to bury me 6 feet below the ground hypothetically. Too bad, I have Someone deep inside my heart and mind Who is omnipotent and much loving, even the most cleverest One (Yep, I'm exaggerating superlatives :P). I consciously and wholeheartedly make myself be anchored by this One, hence, I'm still existing above the ground literally and figuratively. :)
It is said that there's always the 2sides of a coin. The good things happened for the past six months? I'd say more than enough to bury those bad stuff. I've maintained relationship with good friends around (don't want to mention who's who). I got to spend time with whom I consider family here in Penang (I have a father and brother here you know....) with all those fine dining kind of dinner and cooking of daddy Ron - priceless. I've made new friends when I joined ERT, had the chance to go camping in Gunung Jerai and that was kind of a little adventure thingy. My good friend Julie got married. It was fun to be a part of her "chee muis" and to witness one ultimate thing I have hoped for happening to someone close to me. I've read that you should be happy when things you want to experience yourself at least happened to other people, how much more to someone you know. The opportunity to dance for God in PISA was like a stardom and hyper during the Revo Night! I've cherished each moment with everyone who joined the group in dancing, from little girls to big girls, or should I say grown ups! The highlight of the good is that, I managed to spend quality time with my family back in the Philippines. We went to Davao City (southern Philippines) to celebrate my mama's birthday. The sight of all of them enjoying the splash and waves of the beach, the sumptuous feasty meals, the billiard bonding sessions, and the cuddling, tickling each other, camwhoring stuff - ah! more than priceless, classic vintage!
The Future. Uhm, a lot of things I thought or I plan to do. But, oh well, I have to organize my thoughts and analyse these things first and I need to make sure to surrender all of them upon God. I need God's wisdom and guidance that I need to ask for discernment on what things I should really do and focus on.
The Now. Now? Hmmm... I just wanna say I'm enjoying it... Enjoying in a kinda responsible way I should say, if you know what I mean. I'm reminding myself, the now is a gift since it's present.
Charged to the second half of 2012! Bring it on!
Those thoughts revolve around things that took place in the past six months, the present, and of course the future wouldn't want to be left out.
The Past Six Months. I'm the type of person who choose to focus more on the good side of things rather than the bad. However, I sure don't simply forget the bad ones because I use them as objects for lessons learned. Basically the bad stuff are normally composed of the negative emotion existence. Imma say that these include loneliness, anger, little bit of bitterness, self-pity, maybe envy, and the worst is hopelessness (or the list could go on and on). The enemy is just clever enough to make use of these feelings to turn me down maybe even to bury me 6 feet below the ground hypothetically. Too bad, I have Someone deep inside my heart and mind Who is omnipotent and much loving, even the most cleverest One (Yep, I'm exaggerating superlatives :P). I consciously and wholeheartedly make myself be anchored by this One, hence, I'm still existing above the ground literally and figuratively. :)
It is said that there's always the 2sides of a coin. The good things happened for the past six months? I'd say more than enough to bury those bad stuff. I've maintained relationship with good friends around (don't want to mention who's who). I got to spend time with whom I consider family here in Penang (I have a father and brother here you know....) with all those fine dining kind of dinner and cooking of daddy Ron - priceless. I've made new friends when I joined ERT, had the chance to go camping in Gunung Jerai and that was kind of a little adventure thingy. My good friend Julie got married. It was fun to be a part of her "chee muis" and to witness one ultimate thing I have hoped for happening to someone close to me. I've read that you should be happy when things you want to experience yourself at least happened to other people, how much more to someone you know. The opportunity to dance for God in PISA was like a stardom and hyper during the Revo Night! I've cherished each moment with everyone who joined the group in dancing, from little girls to big girls, or should I say grown ups! The highlight of the good is that, I managed to spend quality time with my family back in the Philippines. We went to Davao City (southern Philippines) to celebrate my mama's birthday. The sight of all of them enjoying the splash and waves of the beach, the sumptuous feasty meals, the billiard bonding sessions, and the cuddling, tickling each other, camwhoring stuff - ah! more than priceless, classic vintage!
The Future. Uhm, a lot of things I thought or I plan to do. But, oh well, I have to organize my thoughts and analyse these things first and I need to make sure to surrender all of them upon God. I need God's wisdom and guidance that I need to ask for discernment on what things I should really do and focus on.
The Now. Now? Hmmm... I just wanna say I'm enjoying it... Enjoying in a kinda responsible way I should say, if you know what I mean. I'm reminding myself, the now is a gift since it's present.
Charged to the second half of 2012! Bring it on!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Leap Day!
Yes, it's February 29th today and 24 minutes more, the so-called leap day is gone! Gone with the wind in a blink of an eye Imma say. Whew!
I'm feeling a little bit exhausted at the moment, and at the same time sleepy but couldn't really sleep. Ugh! I really hate it when this thing is happening. It's like your brain keeps on fighting with the other parts of your body where the majority is telling it to shut down and switch off the lights! But the brain waves are still roaming around your head! The more frustrating part is when you're thinking about non sense things that aren't even valuable and the likes! Like what I'm doing now, just thought of typing it out here without any purposeful thought. Yeah right, just so to say that I'm blogging kinda thing. Geez, it ain't really that nice I'd say.
Well, maybe, just maybe.... the typing and blogging helped the brain to really wear off for the day... I am starting to feel it now.... and that calls for me to go to bed and really enjoy the beauty of sleeping.
Finally!
That's all of the nonsense for now. Nighty! :D *yawn*
I'm feeling a little bit exhausted at the moment, and at the same time sleepy but couldn't really sleep. Ugh! I really hate it when this thing is happening. It's like your brain keeps on fighting with the other parts of your body where the majority is telling it to shut down and switch off the lights! But the brain waves are still roaming around your head! The more frustrating part is when you're thinking about non sense things that aren't even valuable and the likes! Like what I'm doing now, just thought of typing it out here without any purposeful thought. Yeah right, just so to say that I'm blogging kinda thing. Geez, it ain't really that nice I'd say.
Well, maybe, just maybe.... the typing and blogging helped the brain to really wear off for the day... I am starting to feel it now.... and that calls for me to go to bed and really enjoy the beauty of sleeping.
Finally!
That's all of the nonsense for now. Nighty! :D *yawn*
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Ending 2011: White spaces focused!
There were a couple of black dots in an A4 size of bond paper. I was asked to stare at that paper with a question, "what do you see"? Bombarded with rambling thoughts to look into those dots, echoing the sad, low, and lonely times of 2011, I decided to choose to forget or at least get over it and consciously focus myself into the wide range of white spaces between the dots.
It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...
It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.
I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!
My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.
Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!
Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.
In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.
And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.
Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!
Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.
With that, let me end my 2011 now.
-end-
It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...
It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.
I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!
My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.
Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!
Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.
In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.
And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.
Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!
Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.
With that, let me end my 2011 now.
-end-
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Mother's Death.
I just came back from someone's mom's wake service and I'm still overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions deep inside of me, thinking of a lot of people in my mind and in my heart. A chain of people whom I've talked to and have been thinking lately, which is somehow related to the term "mother". This someone by the way, is our senior pastor who gave such honoring remarks for his dear mother. I was delighted to know that indeed during the last days of his mother, everyone in the children were there to spend that last precious moments with their mother.
First thought was ofcourse my own dearest mother. As our Pastor shared about how his mother did her best to help his father raising the 7 of them through domestic-related jobs, saying that she's rich, I can't stop nodding my head, completely agreeing with him. Then, a flashback of my younger days came to mind. My mom doing some laundry, ironing, and other related chores in the neighborhood just for us to have something to eat while she assigned me to take care of my 2 younger sisters that time. There were also those times whereby all I have to do is pick up the spoon and fork to eat the food in the plate she has prepared before I go to work, how she tidy my room and I'd be too comfortable to have my sweet rest and a whole lot more. It reminded me as well so many very important things she has taught me that until now I value and treasure sincerely, and that is why I am where I am now. From then on, I promised myself to do my very best to make her proud, I hope I did. Well, my mother can be complicated sometimes but I really honor her, treasure her and love her. I'm grateful that she's still alive and that I can still express personally how grateful I am having her. I'm praying that she'll be here... at least until I become a mother myself. Only God knows! :D
The next one was my auntie in California - a mother too. Recently, I had the opportunity to have some little chit-chat with her over the net (the power of technology huh!) and shared a few struggles over her children. The word "patience" was stuck in my heart during the chat conversation and I just hope that she'll be fine and will continue to be prayerful and be patient with whatever is happening out there since I really dunno what's the whole story. I pray as well that as I write this, the power of the Holy Spirit will just minister upon her and her children too - my cousins, realizing the incomparable and invaluable things their mother has done and will do for them. Oh how I wish I'm just an inch away so that I can hug her and hopefully ease out her sentiments.
The third one was another friend in Chicago, whom I was shared that the mother has a breast cancer, which was recently discovered. I am more than concerned but had nothing to say during that time ('twas just last night though); or rather should I say, I dunno what good thing to say to at least console that friend. Again, how I'd hope that I was beside this friend to somehow offer a sincere warm embrace. I blurted out a child-like faith of "Let's believe for a miracle. I'll keep your mom in prayer." True enough, I dozed off to bed with a simple prayer for my friend's mother. I hope that God will acknowledge my child-like prayer, I believe JC heard about it and He'll surely answer.
Next in line were my friends who are mothers. Funny that I've got friends who are mothers here in Penang and whenever there's a party, all of them will stay in a room and discuss/share stuff about motherhood. The catch is... I'm the only one who's single that I feel ackward in joining them most of the times *peace*. However, they will force me to join their "chit-chat" saying that it's just right to learn while still single. It's something like "Motherhood 101" subject. There was one time, one of them said, today the topic is "schooling/education of kids". Deep inside, I was actually thrilled and in my mind I began to wonder when is my time. LOL.
Another one was about my boss, who's a mother. In one of our one on one session, she mentioned about her daughter saying "she's growing fast and now older". In that line were sound of worry because of much care and concern and love. Mother's really are admirable!
Last one was a recent call from a friend in Manila to give me a late greeting for my birthday. I wasn't sure how the conversation went to the topic about her mother who recently passed away too. I was glad to hear her reflections about her beloved mom and her sharing on how painful it really is to loose a mother, realizing a mother's very significance to our existence. Then the topic ended to realizing that somehow, the desire to get married is to primarily be able to experience motherhood (it sounds funny but come to think of it... I agreed with her in the end).
I recently saw a video of a mother giving birth to a child in a natural way mind you. I was just watching and I was physically exasperated already! I wonder.... how much more when I'm the one doing it. It looked awful, painful, however you may wanna describe it but I just said to myself, I want to experience that! I'd love to, given a chance! Well, based from my observations, reflections, and relationship with all walks of mothers "kinda thing", it seems really difficult and challenging but nevertheless I can see the real fulfillment, nobility, and the joy of being one in them, above all in my own mother's eyes.
To all mothers - it's not mother's day but I want to personally salute you. May God's love and grace continue to abound in your hearts! Keep up the good work! Kudos! :)
To all soon to be mothers - you're about to embark one great milestone of your lives, you'll be okay. God is good! :)
To all sons & daughters - get your relationship with your mothers right while they're still alive! Appreciate them while you still can - a simple "love you, ma!" or a hug or a kiss will do a lot. It's your big lost if you don't! :)
-end-
First thought was ofcourse my own dearest mother. As our Pastor shared about how his mother did her best to help his father raising the 7 of them through domestic-related jobs, saying that she's rich, I can't stop nodding my head, completely agreeing with him. Then, a flashback of my younger days came to mind. My mom doing some laundry, ironing, and other related chores in the neighborhood just for us to have something to eat while she assigned me to take care of my 2 younger sisters that time. There were also those times whereby all I have to do is pick up the spoon and fork to eat the food in the plate she has prepared before I go to work, how she tidy my room and I'd be too comfortable to have my sweet rest and a whole lot more. It reminded me as well so many very important things she has taught me that until now I value and treasure sincerely, and that is why I am where I am now. From then on, I promised myself to do my very best to make her proud, I hope I did. Well, my mother can be complicated sometimes but I really honor her, treasure her and love her. I'm grateful that she's still alive and that I can still express personally how grateful I am having her. I'm praying that she'll be here... at least until I become a mother myself. Only God knows! :D
The next one was my auntie in California - a mother too. Recently, I had the opportunity to have some little chit-chat with her over the net (the power of technology huh!) and shared a few struggles over her children. The word "patience" was stuck in my heart during the chat conversation and I just hope that she'll be fine and will continue to be prayerful and be patient with whatever is happening out there since I really dunno what's the whole story. I pray as well that as I write this, the power of the Holy Spirit will just minister upon her and her children too - my cousins, realizing the incomparable and invaluable things their mother has done and will do for them. Oh how I wish I'm just an inch away so that I can hug her and hopefully ease out her sentiments.
The third one was another friend in Chicago, whom I was shared that the mother has a breast cancer, which was recently discovered. I am more than concerned but had nothing to say during that time ('twas just last night though); or rather should I say, I dunno what good thing to say to at least console that friend. Again, how I'd hope that I was beside this friend to somehow offer a sincere warm embrace. I blurted out a child-like faith of "Let's believe for a miracle. I'll keep your mom in prayer." True enough, I dozed off to bed with a simple prayer for my friend's mother. I hope that God will acknowledge my child-like prayer, I believe JC heard about it and He'll surely answer.
Next in line were my friends who are mothers. Funny that I've got friends who are mothers here in Penang and whenever there's a party, all of them will stay in a room and discuss/share stuff about motherhood. The catch is... I'm the only one who's single that I feel ackward in joining them most of the times *peace*. However, they will force me to join their "chit-chat" saying that it's just right to learn while still single. It's something like "Motherhood 101" subject. There was one time, one of them said, today the topic is "schooling/education of kids". Deep inside, I was actually thrilled and in my mind I began to wonder when is my time. LOL.
Another one was about my boss, who's a mother. In one of our one on one session, she mentioned about her daughter saying "she's growing fast and now older". In that line were sound of worry because of much care and concern and love. Mother's really are admirable!
Last one was a recent call from a friend in Manila to give me a late greeting for my birthday. I wasn't sure how the conversation went to the topic about her mother who recently passed away too. I was glad to hear her reflections about her beloved mom and her sharing on how painful it really is to loose a mother, realizing a mother's very significance to our existence. Then the topic ended to realizing that somehow, the desire to get married is to primarily be able to experience motherhood (it sounds funny but come to think of it... I agreed with her in the end).
I recently saw a video of a mother giving birth to a child in a natural way mind you. I was just watching and I was physically exasperated already! I wonder.... how much more when I'm the one doing it. It looked awful, painful, however you may wanna describe it but I just said to myself, I want to experience that! I'd love to, given a chance! Well, based from my observations, reflections, and relationship with all walks of mothers "kinda thing", it seems really difficult and challenging but nevertheless I can see the real fulfillment, nobility, and the joy of being one in them, above all in my own mother's eyes.
To all mothers - it's not mother's day but I want to personally salute you. May God's love and grace continue to abound in your hearts! Keep up the good work! Kudos! :)
To all soon to be mothers - you're about to embark one great milestone of your lives, you'll be okay. God is good! :)
To all sons & daughters - get your relationship with your mothers right while they're still alive! Appreciate them while you still can - a simple "love you, ma!" or a hug or a kiss will do a lot. It's your big lost if you don't! :)
-end-
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
"spock"
And so finally I am blogging with a happy feeling! I must indulge this moment! Too much of sad emo-related entries already so here you go!!!
First, it was like a cardiac arrest of reviving my heart beat while I was in a heart attack breakdown! Seems like my apparently dying heart was pumped up making the straight line in that meter reader becoming quite a zigzag kind of line again. Not bad huh!
It was a some kind of a "spock" from a short circuited wiring in which the connections were essentially straighten out. It's a nice feeling eventhough I wasn't sure what will be the outcome of it. I realized I'm quite naive in this kind of stuff! Yaiks! And indeed my "bashy" me is striking like mad!
Oh well, it's the second time of supper with that "spock"! Somehow...it's nice but I don't wanna expect too much. I'm thankful that somehow, my heart beat was revived - that should be quite good enough. At least I know I'm still capable of feeling "it" and did not totally curse the so-called "feeling". As I recognized that positive cardiac arrest result, my brain waves started to function as well... hehe... well i think heart and brain working together will make a good tandem huh! But ofcourse with His guidance and will.. surely can right? LOL! I'm talking nonsense now!
I better head off to bed, got morning prayer tomorrow.
Oh by the way, it's actually "spark"!
=)
First, it was like a cardiac arrest of reviving my heart beat while I was in a heart attack breakdown! Seems like my apparently dying heart was pumped up making the straight line in that meter reader becoming quite a zigzag kind of line again. Not bad huh!
It was a some kind of a "spock" from a short circuited wiring in which the connections were essentially straighten out. It's a nice feeling eventhough I wasn't sure what will be the outcome of it. I realized I'm quite naive in this kind of stuff! Yaiks! And indeed my "bashy" me is striking like mad!
Oh well, it's the second time of supper with that "spock"! Somehow...it's nice but I don't wanna expect too much. I'm thankful that somehow, my heart beat was revived - that should be quite good enough. At least I know I'm still capable of feeling "it" and did not totally curse the so-called "feeling". As I recognized that positive cardiac arrest result, my brain waves started to function as well... hehe... well i think heart and brain working together will make a good tandem huh! But ofcourse with His guidance and will.. surely can right? LOL! I'm talking nonsense now!
I better head off to bed, got morning prayer tomorrow.
Oh by the way, it's actually "spark"!
=)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
famiLiar tears...
It has been quite a month already that I've somehow noticed this thing is happening - a teardrop would fall as I close my eyes praying to be able to sleep and to have a good one! If I could only take out my ownself from my body, I would be able to draw one picture that would describe quite a combination of a poignant face trying to be wrapped in the coating of faith and trust. Indeed, I ended up waking up fully rested and wanting to sleep more instead :D
Tonight, as I wrap up my work and somehow call it a day.... I've recognized that I was bursting into tears.. a different one from what's mentioned above. Familiar tears, which include some profound emotions and soured-sweet memories; and that deep inside was a smile longing to be able to come to a point once again of finally moving on, never thinking and hoping for the old, but trusting for a fresh eternity- type of a new one.
I know, I just have to continue trusting and keeping that faith. Can I be thrown into a totally new atmosphere again, please?
-end-
Tonight, as I wrap up my work and somehow call it a day.... I've recognized that I was bursting into tears.. a different one from what's mentioned above. Familiar tears, which include some profound emotions and soured-sweet memories; and that deep inside was a smile longing to be able to come to a point once again of finally moving on, never thinking and hoping for the old, but trusting for a fresh eternity- type of a new one.
I know, I just have to continue trusting and keeping that faith. Can I be thrown into a totally new atmosphere again, please?
-end-
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Contact Lenses...
I'm on my second day of wearing contact lenses after I've pushed through with my thought to try it out - I decided to have 2-day trial of it. Reasons behind are a lot but the outstanding one is for convenience. It's so funny though, because initially, I've opted to wear eyeglasses instead, because of the same reason - convenience. Errrr.... weird huh, you may say...but just think about what I'm tryin' to draw here :P
Well, my power isn't that high but normally, I prefer to have my eye-glasses on to have a clearer and firmer view or sight of the things I'm lookin' at, especially when driving ;)... that is because I've taken note well what my driving instructor told me in a loud manner, "WEAR YOUR 'SPECS' WHEN DRIVING!"... lol, makes me smile whenever I think about it.
Anyhow, so this morning...no doubt I was struggling and having some challenges to put in the contact lenses into my eyes. Whheeww! It wasn't that easy! As I open my right eye wide and big, the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord" echoed deep within me. As I sing the song in my mind, "open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you, I want to see you", in my heart I had a revelation that until now I'm trying to figure out, organizing the thought around it so might as well write about it, hopefully at the end of this blog I'll manage to have an organized thoughts about the revelation... let's see!
When we're newly born, they say that the eyesight isn't really that clear for the first couple of weeks. This is the reason why when buying baby things, we need to buy those very colorful ones so that babies' eyes can recognize the shapes through the colors. Then as babies grow, together with all the other things that our parents do like feed us, take care of us, etc. etc., our eyes will start to transition into the 20/20 perfect eyesight. Well...along the way, as we grow older, the eyesight will eventually be blurred making our powers high that we need to do things like wearing eyeglasses (or contact lenses) to have a clearer eyesight, well for some, they use the technology side of making eye sight clear like laser, etc.
I've thought about that in the same way in our Christian life, we have the somewhat similar transition kind of thing. As baby Christians, we'll have initially a blur sight but as time goes by, with the help of our Father in heaven, we'll have a clear vision of our spiritual life - that's through the sermons of the Pastors we listen into, our own Bible reading, the leaders over us, prayers, fellowships, etc. etc. Now, here's the sad part.... as we go on with our lives, there's the tendency to be blur again making our power high for the need of eye-glasses to be able to see clearly.
Going back to the song, "Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You", it is very clear that Him, God, who's doing it for us - opening the eyes of our hearts so that we can recognize and eventually see Him. However, we just need to ask Him to do it for us. The "asking" part should come from us. Hhhmmm.. maybe this is one of the applications of the most famous bible verse, which is being stolen by the other "secret" books saying, Ask and it shall be given to you... (Matthew 7:7)
And then...I realized that I was in the latter kind of blurriness in my spiritual life. Please don't ask me to elaborate it ya... it's kinda complicated. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed this to me and now I am pleading unto Him to give me "contact lenses" in my spiritual sight; that I may see once again clearly...His greatness, His awesomeness, His almighty power, His indescribable love and His sovereignty over my life.
Well, my power isn't that high but normally, I prefer to have my eye-glasses on to have a clearer and firmer view or sight of the things I'm lookin' at, especially when driving ;)... that is because I've taken note well what my driving instructor told me in a loud manner, "WEAR YOUR 'SPECS' WHEN DRIVING!"... lol, makes me smile whenever I think about it.
Anyhow, so this morning...no doubt I was struggling and having some challenges to put in the contact lenses into my eyes. Whheeww! It wasn't that easy! As I open my right eye wide and big, the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord" echoed deep within me. As I sing the song in my mind, "open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you, I want to see you", in my heart I had a revelation that until now I'm trying to figure out, organizing the thought around it so might as well write about it, hopefully at the end of this blog I'll manage to have an organized thoughts about the revelation... let's see!
When we're newly born, they say that the eyesight isn't really that clear for the first couple of weeks. This is the reason why when buying baby things, we need to buy those very colorful ones so that babies' eyes can recognize the shapes through the colors. Then as babies grow, together with all the other things that our parents do like feed us, take care of us, etc. etc., our eyes will start to transition into the 20/20 perfect eyesight. Well...along the way, as we grow older, the eyesight will eventually be blurred making our powers high that we need to do things like wearing eyeglasses (or contact lenses) to have a clearer eyesight, well for some, they use the technology side of making eye sight clear like laser, etc.
I've thought about that in the same way in our Christian life, we have the somewhat similar transition kind of thing. As baby Christians, we'll have initially a blur sight but as time goes by, with the help of our Father in heaven, we'll have a clear vision of our spiritual life - that's through the sermons of the Pastors we listen into, our own Bible reading, the leaders over us, prayers, fellowships, etc. etc. Now, here's the sad part.... as we go on with our lives, there's the tendency to be blur again making our power high for the need of eye-glasses to be able to see clearly.
Going back to the song, "Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You", it is very clear that Him, God, who's doing it for us - opening the eyes of our hearts so that we can recognize and eventually see Him. However, we just need to ask Him to do it for us. The "asking" part should come from us. Hhhmmm.. maybe this is one of the applications of the most famous bible verse, which is being stolen by the other "secret" books saying, Ask and it shall be given to you... (Matthew 7:7)
And then...I realized that I was in the latter kind of blurriness in my spiritual life. Please don't ask me to elaborate it ya... it's kinda complicated. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed this to me and now I am pleading unto Him to give me "contact lenses" in my spiritual sight; that I may see once again clearly...His greatness, His awesomeness, His almighty power, His indescribable love and His sovereignty over my life.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Knocking on heaven^^
If there's one thing that I won't forget about this person, it's gonna be our Redang Island trip last March 2009 particularly the night I was surprisingly asked by her to sing and perform on the stage, together with Laguna Redang's entertainers that night. I don't know what's with her that I gave in to the dare forgetting that I will be humiliating my ownself to an audience of a few! Well, maybe it was probably what's with me since I've finished a glass of frozen margarita already! Good thing that the few audience were them - my friends! LOL...Believe me, it's gonna be the first and last!!! :P
That Redang trip is an unforgettable one for many I believe. It's because it has left something valuable deep within each one's heart and chronicles of sweet and fun memory! Some noted it was their first snorkeling experience, some treasured it that it helped release a certain grudge, and someone enjoyed star gazing ultimately by the beach and finally had seen a shooting star!!! Above all, it was a trip that started a simple kind of friendship that felt like it's been there all the while for somebody :) - talk about having a strength of "connectedness" huh! =P
We didn't have that much of literal personal acquaintance but implicitly, it was like we can read each other. I guess it all started when she called me once, when she was here in Penang, responding to my "hello" text message. I answered, "Is everything okay? why do you sound so soft and quiet and so not you?". I felt she smiled and just responded, "I'm at my MIL's place" (message me what's MIL :P). Then, I got it already. From then on, she would occassionaly sms me "Reached KL already" everytime they come here and return KL. Anyhow, virtually we've kept the communication goin'. These are the moments I thank God for the world wide web operating its "pros". In between's, we've talked about so much things about the reality of life - relationships, marriage, friendship, etcetera, etcetera. I manage to give my thought about her understanding the MIL and make an effort to create a good relationship; she helped me realized that I'm a normal woman so to speak when we've shared about possesiveness and insecurities. Somehow, she has shared her feelings with me that I heart her and ofcourse geared her towards the good and the positive right turn of direction! Apparently, I saw some of myself in her that made me treasure her more.
If only we had the chance to spend more time with each other in person, we could have planned a lot of things before she left. Things that would probably bond us more and nourish the gem we've found with each other - friendship. Furthermore, some stuff that perhaps will be very beneficial to her family and so-called "bestfriend" when she's gone, and thoughts that will be of help for her dearest bie to continue and move on to live life here on earth. Have you read the book or at least watched the movie "P.S. I Love You"? Something to that effect... :)
Well...it has been almost more than five months now since I hugged her for the last time and gave my last kiss on her forehead before we left at one hospital in KL. She was on her way to the operating room for surgery and us on the way back to Penang. That time, I didn't think of such an early departure she'll do as I fervently (and the rest too) plead to our Big Daddy up there to heal her and let her live in this temporary world still. But I guess, it's true indeed that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. There must be a reason why those things happened but I'm just not sure what.
I've written this blog with a purpose. A purpose of paying tribute to one good friend who's temporarily gone, in which one of the people I'll be looking forward to meet again when it's my turn to go home. However, ultimately, it's for her bie, whom I considered a good friend too. A very crazy fella that I like because he's willing to jump out of the boat in the beach and who is a merman! Lame! LOL... Nah, kidding aside.... for him to take time to realize that if my friend can literally speak from heaven as I knock, she will say...
"C'mon darling, enough of sadness already! I'll "meraju" if you continune to do that! Cheer up and face the rest of your life there with enthusiasm and new beginning, a new chapter! And I don't mind at all but instead I'll help if I can be of any, and above all, continue to live life and have fun giving all the glory to Him! (I'm with him now, remember! :P)"
They said that the last sense to leave a human being is the hearing sense. As I knock on heaven, I am whispering to her all these writings from the bottom of my heart hoping that she is able to hear it.
While in mourning mode, I was somehow glad that time permitted me to see her for the last time the night before I left for Manila last December. Above all, I'm grateful to Him that He made this as part of His plan for my life - to have met Cindy Khoh Joo Hwa.
-end-
That Redang trip is an unforgettable one for many I believe. It's because it has left something valuable deep within each one's heart and chronicles of sweet and fun memory! Some noted it was their first snorkeling experience, some treasured it that it helped release a certain grudge, and someone enjoyed star gazing ultimately by the beach and finally had seen a shooting star!!! Above all, it was a trip that started a simple kind of friendship that felt like it's been there all the while for somebody :) - talk about having a strength of "connectedness" huh! =P
We didn't have that much of literal personal acquaintance but implicitly, it was like we can read each other. I guess it all started when she called me once, when she was here in Penang, responding to my "hello" text message. I answered, "Is everything okay? why do you sound so soft and quiet and so not you?". I felt she smiled and just responded, "I'm at my MIL's place" (message me what's MIL :P). Then, I got it already. From then on, she would occassionaly sms me "Reached KL already" everytime they come here and return KL. Anyhow, virtually we've kept the communication goin'. These are the moments I thank God for the world wide web operating its "pros". In between's, we've talked about so much things about the reality of life - relationships, marriage, friendship, etcetera, etcetera. I manage to give my thought about her understanding the MIL and make an effort to create a good relationship; she helped me realized that I'm a normal woman so to speak when we've shared about possesiveness and insecurities. Somehow, she has shared her feelings with me that I heart her and ofcourse geared her towards the good and the positive right turn of direction! Apparently, I saw some of myself in her that made me treasure her more.
If only we had the chance to spend more time with each other in person, we could have planned a lot of things before she left. Things that would probably bond us more and nourish the gem we've found with each other - friendship. Furthermore, some stuff that perhaps will be very beneficial to her family and so-called "bestfriend" when she's gone, and thoughts that will be of help for her dearest bie to continue and move on to live life here on earth. Have you read the book or at least watched the movie "P.S. I Love You"? Something to that effect... :)
Well...it has been almost more than five months now since I hugged her for the last time and gave my last kiss on her forehead before we left at one hospital in KL. She was on her way to the operating room for surgery and us on the way back to Penang. That time, I didn't think of such an early departure she'll do as I fervently (and the rest too) plead to our Big Daddy up there to heal her and let her live in this temporary world still. But I guess, it's true indeed that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. There must be a reason why those things happened but I'm just not sure what.
I've written this blog with a purpose. A purpose of paying tribute to one good friend who's temporarily gone, in which one of the people I'll be looking forward to meet again when it's my turn to go home. However, ultimately, it's for her bie, whom I considered a good friend too. A very crazy fella that I like because he's willing to jump out of the boat in the beach and who is a merman! Lame! LOL... Nah, kidding aside.... for him to take time to realize that if my friend can literally speak from heaven as I knock, she will say...
"C'mon darling, enough of sadness already! I'll "meraju" if you continune to do that! Cheer up and face the rest of your life there with enthusiasm and new beginning, a new chapter! And I don't mind at all but instead I'll help if I can be of any, and above all, continue to live life and have fun giving all the glory to Him! (I'm with him now, remember! :P)"
They said that the last sense to leave a human being is the hearing sense. As I knock on heaven, I am whispering to her all these writings from the bottom of my heart hoping that she is able to hear it.
While in mourning mode, I was somehow glad that time permitted me to see her for the last time the night before I left for Manila last December. Above all, I'm grateful to Him that He made this as part of His plan for my life - to have met Cindy Khoh Joo Hwa.
-end-
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sobrang Lungkot...
Grabeh... hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko, nasan ang dating ako? Ang dating masayahin at laging hopeful na tao, ang dating laging looking forward sa hinaharap ng buong sigla at super excited?
Hindi ko maitago na sobrang lungkot ko na kulang na lang eh humagulgol ako dito sa kinalalagyan ko. Feeling ko sobrang nawala ang sigla ng hinaharap kundi para bagang punong puno ng lungkot ng nakaraan?
Alam ko, nasa puso ko ang Poong Maykapal. Pero ang sobrang ipinagtataka ko, grabe talaga ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Diyos ko, alam ko may nagawa akong mga kasalanan sa inyo. Patawarin nyo po ako. Gusto kong magalit at mainis sa inyo, pero ginagawa ko ang aking makakaya na wag na todong magalit.
Deep within me Panginoon, ako pa rin ito. Ako pa rin yung nagdarasal at nagmamaka awa, tulungan nyo po ako. hindi ko kayang mag-isa 'to! kailangan ko kayo.
Hindi ko maitago na sobrang lungkot ko na kulang na lang eh humagulgol ako dito sa kinalalagyan ko. Feeling ko sobrang nawala ang sigla ng hinaharap kundi para bagang punong puno ng lungkot ng nakaraan?
Alam ko, nasa puso ko ang Poong Maykapal. Pero ang sobrang ipinagtataka ko, grabe talaga ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Diyos ko, alam ko may nagawa akong mga kasalanan sa inyo. Patawarin nyo po ako. Gusto kong magalit at mainis sa inyo, pero ginagawa ko ang aking makakaya na wag na todong magalit.
Deep within me Panginoon, ako pa rin ito. Ako pa rin yung nagdarasal at nagmamaka awa, tulungan nyo po ako. hindi ko kayang mag-isa 'to! kailangan ko kayo.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
wrong thought...
I thought I was numb enough already upon hearing the somehow "anticipated" news, but sadly no - not numb enough. It sure hurts. argh!
*these are the moments when I wish I won't have emotions/feelings at all anymore*
I thought I was strong enough to ignore and just hide it but I failed to do so - I was just too transparent and expressive a while ago.
*these are the moments when I wish I won't get carried away that easily*
Well... sometimes crying will just give you such quite a relief when the reason you're crying is not good or should I say not good because it did not happen the way you hope it will happen. Nah, God is in control and He's got way than better plans about things.
Start "hoping" a fresh - i wish it will be that way and not brushing it off totally!
Lord, please help me get through with this. I pray that the pain will come to pass soon. You've done it more than two years ago, sure You can do it over and over again.
Jaded.
*these are the moments when I wish I won't have emotions/feelings at all anymore*
I thought I was strong enough to ignore and just hide it but I failed to do so - I was just too transparent and expressive a while ago.
*these are the moments when I wish I won't get carried away that easily*
Well... sometimes crying will just give you such quite a relief when the reason you're crying is not good or should I say not good because it did not happen the way you hope it will happen. Nah, God is in control and He's got way than better plans about things.
Start "hoping" a fresh - i wish it will be that way and not brushing it off totally!
Lord, please help me get through with this. I pray that the pain will come to pass soon. You've done it more than two years ago, sure You can do it over and over again.
Jaded.
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