at thirty five...

I am not in-denial of my age but it's just that, I still can't believe I'm already thirty five years old... boooya! LOL! What's the big deal? :P Main reason I would say is that all those past memories since I was a kid from primary days, to high school life, college days, until now....are still vivid in me that I could re-tell the associated stories in a detailed manner!

Oh well... it's been four days since I officially and biologically turned 35; It's Saturday anyway and I can't procrastinate no more longer, hence, I kicked the butt of my fingers, electrocuted my brain, and pound my heart to make sure I'd get this birthday blog moving, soooo... here I am.

At thirty five, I said I want to reflect about things I have accomplished in the past until now but instead, I thought about things like what's gonna happen in the future, what else can I do, should I do, or can still accomplish... of course not by myself and own will alone.. but with God by my side.

At thirty five, I don't want to brag that I'm wiser but instead, I want to recognize myself for having additional experiences in life that makes me wonder more and explore more like a child. Despite of the noticeable variance in emotions and physical notions, which is more on the passive side (I'm kinda disappointed to myself that I'm starting not to be active, physically!), my mind is cautiously tougher and eager.

At thirty five, it has come to my attention that I still have a lot of things to learn and to re-learn. It might sound quite unusual to others but for me, it is something that I thought is necessary as well. I need to learn not to care too much about things and other people so as not to end up spoon-feeding them and many more possible not helpful or not good outcomes (or over spoon-feeding I'd say) and that they can learn on their own too or giving all ending up nothing left for my own self tending to be burned out and just tear apart out of the blue. Come to think of it, everything that is too much is really not good huh?! I need to re-learn some of the basics as well so as things won't go complicated and more confusing, and there's the so-called "many to mention".

At thirty five, I can somehow describe how is the feeling when you have been to both sides of a certain situation (of course not at the same time okay!). Stuff like for example, being in a situation where there's a "nice-guy-friend" in your life that you came to a point of misinterpreting it as if he likes you and he is basically in love with the other girl, and then suddenly you're that girl whom the guy is in-love with and he was a "nice-guy-friend" to another girl who misinterpreted it she thought he likes her. Another one would be, you were so poor before that you have nothing to eat at all and now food just rots in your fridge because it's just too much or way more than you can have; instance like you were a loner then suddenly you're surrounded with people and "friends" and then you're back having just "few" true friends and a whole lot more examples! Oopps don't get me wrong, those were just examples, don't have to be connected or related to me okay! For illustration purposes, lol. Suddenly I remember the song "Both Sides Now" (Joni Mitchell's version ya!) and of course non other than Paul. In Philippians 4:12, he wrote, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

At thirty five, I'm neither happy nor sad. Instead, I'm hopeful and joyful. It's true that as humans, we tend to be either sad or happy. Being sad or happy is contributed by the circumstances happening in our lives, by the things around us, may it be material or other stuff, or by the people around us whether we love them or not. However, having hope and joy deep inside? They only point us towards a one, The One! our dear Lord Jesus Christ! On my actual 35th birthday, there were things that could have been contributed to me being sad and in tears; happy and in all smiles; but the joy and hope I have deep inside my heart ended me both in tears and smiles both in a good positive way.

At thirty five, I'm just at peace. Our peace is not in the absence of troubles but in the presence of Jesus Christ. That leads me to saying I am complete, I am complete with the presence of the lover of my soul in my heart. I am complete in Jesus Christ. I am not perfect and still have flaws, funny thing is that there's a possibility that some flaws have just grown up but I know for sure that God is still not finished with me still...Yes, not yet... no... not until I literally depart from this fallen world and go home to heaven! :P



-2706-

The Inevitable~!

I just finished watching John Lloyd & Bea's "One More Chance" movie again. Upon watching it for the second time, it made me realize that there's one very thing that is inevitable to happen - to get hurt.

There are things that even though we say we do not want to do to hurt other people, still, it is inevitable and will possibly bound to happen.

I began to think about it really hard. Yeah, I've been drastically hurt like around 6 years ago.

I was totally wrecked and even to the point of literally not being able to breathe because of the pain when I got hurt. But then again, looking back, I'm glad that I'm able to fully smile today and say... hey, it wasn't that bad after all.

I survived the wreckage. I'm still right here, able to stand up, enjoy and live life to the fullest - knowing that I have God with me all the time.

Indeed, pain is inevitable and part of reality (even God himself experienced all kinds of pain, I must say).

However, at the same time, it helps you to grow and be more mature, and it will be an open door for you to realize that there are more goodness in life ahead of you. So...

Cheer. Up. Look. Up. Life. Is. Good.

:)