I thought I was numb enough already upon hearing the somehow "anticipated" news, but sadly no - not numb enough. It sure hurts. argh!
*these are the moments when I wish I won't have emotions/feelings at all anymore*
I thought I was strong enough to ignore and just hide it but I failed to do so - I was just too transparent and expressive a while ago.
*these are the moments when I wish I won't get carried away that easily*
Well... sometimes crying will just give you such quite a relief when the reason you're crying is not good or should I say not good because it did not happen the way you hope it will happen. Nah, God is in control and He's got way than better plans about things.
Start "hoping" a fresh - i wish it will be that way and not brushing it off totally!
Lord, please help me get through with this. I pray that the pain will come to pass soon. You've done it more than two years ago, sure You can do it over and over again.
Jaded.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thanks to DiGi = CNY thoughts..
I was staring blankly at nowhere when I heard the message alert tone of my cellphone. I asked myself, "who could that be?". It has been a while since I've received those "out of the blue" text message/s from someone (or perhaps sometwo) I know. Pathetic huh, but it's the fact! lol.. Guess who was it? It was Digi's sms advertisement about the new games available. The liner was that, "Download new games to enjoy while on your way to home town for the coming Chinese New Year".
I don't know why my mind suddenly recalled the previous CNY so to speak. I was glad to be invited by a good friend during an organized CNY eve's dinner of their "family" and another "couple friends" steamboat dinner (other night though). Come to think about it, the previous previous year, I was with Shirley's family if I'm not mistaken :).
I have nothing to do by then and that good friend was probably kind enough to ask me to join them. I did not know what to say and ended up responding "okay". Well, I honestly didn't know what I'm supposed to do when attending CNY eve's family dinner because this time, a friend who invited me was a guy. I didn't think of anything but people around me who knew about it began to ask silly questions, which has lead me to a predicament. Anyhow, hope was born. Nah, cut it out! hahaha...
Looking back, I can say that I made it through that "dinner" night and I'd say it was a good one! After that night, a lot of noble things happened Imma say and here are they as follows:
1.) I've learned that I'm super possessive. After that dinner, we've decided to chill out in Starbucks E-gate with other friends and have that "chit-chat" and somebody gave a comment about something like this: "Among all the girls here, I think you're the most possessive." I paused and digested that and reflect on it..lol.. somehow I took it seriously and began to analyze myself. hahaha :D I abruptly kinda defended myself saying, "Yeah, maybe. But it depends on how it is being manifested and applied"... which is true right? LOL..
2.) It started a great friendship & implicit closeness between me and this woman I've met - his mom. I have initially known her through his stories and I was interested to know her personally. That night was the great chance and it went well. From then on, I can say we became close. She was one of the "gentle" encourager I have when it comes to driving, well his son was my instructor anyway - such a great friend! So everytime I hold unto the steering wheel, I'm reminded of her telling me to always tell Jesus to take hold & control of the steering wheel & my driving. We somehow became close because she is a "talker" (ops!) and can really converse in English - well i grabbed that advantage. I wanted to be so close to a few aunties as well but it's just that I'm unable to speak in Chinese (how I wish I can really speak "conversational" Hokkien or even Mandarin huh!). Everytime I drive, I smile a little, whispering unto Jesus and remembering her in my heart. On and off, I meet up with her and just spend time with one another like a mother & daughter... lol..
3.) How Chinese New Year occasion is important. Well, as you know I'm here in Malaysia specifically Penang. In my four years (& counting) so to speak, I've learned a lot of things related to its culture and I'd say I'm somehow accustomed to it already. The fact that this is when majority do and have their family reunions, how I've wished that CNY is everyday here in Malaysia, lol. :P
The other steamboat dinner I've had with this "lovers" so to speak was simple yet I can say it was meaningful. Primarily, it was held at the girl's cozy little warm place in Pekaka area :). Few thoughts cultivated myself:
1.) Simplicity is indeed elegance. This couple (not married yet as of this writing), are that simple. I admire their simplicity and I'm glad that somehow I strongly believe that God used me for both of them. But ofcourse, all credit goes to Him alone for His Holy Spirit really did a LOT of work.
2.) We are everywhere! I had a little talk with the girl's Auntie who worked before in Saudi Arabia and has mentioned that there are a lot of Pinoys & Pinays there. I just smiled and nod nod nod... Reason behind? Well, that is somehow I can say subjective but well yeah... a lot of reasons :D
3.) Steamboat is not easy to prepare. That was at least what the girl said together with the Aunties :D. Hmmm.... lemme check it out and try someday - give me the mood c'mon! =)
What else huh?! Hmm.. I can write as many as I can but I've decided to stop from here :P. In about a week's time, it's CNY once again. I'm not sure what's happening yet but a crazy friend from KL somehow asked through Facebook if I'm gonna be around... let's see what happens by then and let's see if I'll be ignited to write something about it in the near future..
May everyone be filled with joy as this occasion is celebrated together with love ones, family, and friends!
Tata for now!
=)
I don't know why my mind suddenly recalled the previous CNY so to speak. I was glad to be invited by a good friend during an organized CNY eve's dinner of their "family" and another "couple friends" steamboat dinner (other night though). Come to think about it, the previous previous year, I was with Shirley's family if I'm not mistaken :).
I have nothing to do by then and that good friend was probably kind enough to ask me to join them. I did not know what to say and ended up responding "okay". Well, I honestly didn't know what I'm supposed to do when attending CNY eve's family dinner because this time, a friend who invited me was a guy. I didn't think of anything but people around me who knew about it began to ask silly questions, which has lead me to a predicament. Anyhow, hope was born. Nah, cut it out! hahaha...
Looking back, I can say that I made it through that "dinner" night and I'd say it was a good one! After that night, a lot of noble things happened Imma say and here are they as follows:
1.) I've learned that I'm super possessive. After that dinner, we've decided to chill out in Starbucks E-gate with other friends and have that "chit-chat" and somebody gave a comment about something like this: "Among all the girls here, I think you're the most possessive." I paused and digested that and reflect on it..lol.. somehow I took it seriously and began to analyze myself. hahaha :D I abruptly kinda defended myself saying, "Yeah, maybe. But it depends on how it is being manifested and applied"... which is true right? LOL..
2.) It started a great friendship & implicit closeness between me and this woman I've met - his mom. I have initially known her through his stories and I was interested to know her personally. That night was the great chance and it went well. From then on, I can say we became close. She was one of the "gentle" encourager I have when it comes to driving, well his son was my instructor anyway - such a great friend! So everytime I hold unto the steering wheel, I'm reminded of her telling me to always tell Jesus to take hold & control of the steering wheel & my driving. We somehow became close because she is a "talker" (ops!) and can really converse in English - well i grabbed that advantage. I wanted to be so close to a few aunties as well but it's just that I'm unable to speak in Chinese (how I wish I can really speak "conversational" Hokkien or even Mandarin huh!). Everytime I drive, I smile a little, whispering unto Jesus and remembering her in my heart. On and off, I meet up with her and just spend time with one another like a mother & daughter... lol..
3.) How Chinese New Year occasion is important. Well, as you know I'm here in Malaysia specifically Penang. In my four years (& counting) so to speak, I've learned a lot of things related to its culture and I'd say I'm somehow accustomed to it already. The fact that this is when majority do and have their family reunions, how I've wished that CNY is everyday here in Malaysia, lol. :P
The other steamboat dinner I've had with this "lovers" so to speak was simple yet I can say it was meaningful. Primarily, it was held at the girl's cozy little warm place in Pekaka area :). Few thoughts cultivated myself:
1.) Simplicity is indeed elegance. This couple (not married yet as of this writing), are that simple. I admire their simplicity and I'm glad that somehow I strongly believe that God used me for both of them. But ofcourse, all credit goes to Him alone for His Holy Spirit really did a LOT of work.
2.) We are everywhere! I had a little talk with the girl's Auntie who worked before in Saudi Arabia and has mentioned that there are a lot of Pinoys & Pinays there. I just smiled and nod nod nod... Reason behind? Well, that is somehow I can say subjective but well yeah... a lot of reasons :D
3.) Steamboat is not easy to prepare. That was at least what the girl said together with the Aunties :D. Hmmm.... lemme check it out and try someday - give me the mood c'mon! =)
What else huh?! Hmm.. I can write as many as I can but I've decided to stop from here :P. In about a week's time, it's CNY once again. I'm not sure what's happening yet but a crazy friend from KL somehow asked through Facebook if I'm gonna be around... let's see what happens by then and let's see if I'll be ignited to write something about it in the near future..
May everyone be filled with joy as this occasion is celebrated together with love ones, family, and friends!
Tata for now!
=)
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