how can i ever explain what i feel inside in a manner that everyone will be able to understand or relate to huh? I'd say the awestruck description I used is basically a mixed of the black and white! but mind you... white surpasses that dark color making a small part of me turned into at least gray! enemy is actively attacking me huh... shoo! shoo!
anyhow, yeah.. I'm in awe.. (again? you may say!).. while there's a scary growing "not so good" (or should I say maybe inappropriate) feeling inside..I'm somehow glad that things outside of me are fine. I'd say... God is constantly on the move eh!
an inexpressible gratefulness is now raging within me as I think about wonderful things happening around and I'd say even including that grayish part within me.
managed to chat with a great friend, blogged about Shekinah, stumbled upon another blog that made my heart charmingly smiled to God uttering.. "Thank you Lord, You're really awesome and wrestles with one's heart!" and uhmmm what else... oh yeah! reading the every now and then emails and comments on the pics of our recent Gua Tempurung adventure!
upward overwhelming outburst! :P
as for the cause of the turned tiny "gray" part within me, uhmmm... now that's a downward overwhelming kind of slip... oh no! Well.. I feel that it is gonna be tough outwardly but inwardly i think I know what I needed to do already - I'm just gonna cry it aLL out to God! that should be sufficient I reckon. And I trust that God will do something about it!
*signing off now*
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
hurtin' peopLe...
WhiLe I've got a lot of things in mind to write in here... I just couldn't resist typing this one first out. I am not sure why but I thought I'd better burst it into writing whatever it is that I suddenLy feel now (as in now! while I'm typing this!) eLse I can't really describe what will happen. I'd say this is the least thing I can do to let go of the rushed inexplainabLe uninvited anguish within.
My heart suddenly feels like a blocked ice crashed into pieces, pounded with a heavy mortar against a hard waLL! Weird eh? I dunno why... but things just suddenLy sank into my mind and then into my own heart that made me cry out aloud siLentLy! Basically, these things are related to all friends of mine who are one way or another feeLs that stupid feeling of pain and hurt because of that ever inevitable thing so-called rejection! Deep within the weakest part of me is trying to be strong aiming to consoLe friends who confessed pains and hurtings of their own. I sincereLy thank God for making me strong to be able to somehow encourage each one of them.
One thing I really...REALLY hate the most is... knowing and learning that somebody is hurt.. a different kind of hurt in which pain is soo choking and can literally stop someone's heart beat! This pain is more than being bulimic that someone would throw-up even if no food was taken at all (tell me about it!) I hate it sooo much because I have been there and I thought I have never imagined how I looked like during those drastic days! I'm thankfuL that I'm "literally" ok now, however, I just can't help it to be burdened by how some of my friends feel and the situation they are going through now. Another thing is that the experience has made me more than cautious NOT to be in the same situation again. Dudette, take note well about it!
Oh God, please help me to let them know how I have survived such tragedy through You. Would you please uplift each one of my friends' heart and allow them to release that pain all out unto you mah Lord JC!
That gives me the cue to cut this out and better kneel down and intercede for my friends. I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is more than stronger than the power of the enemy!
Laterz!
My heart suddenly feels like a blocked ice crashed into pieces, pounded with a heavy mortar against a hard waLL! Weird eh? I dunno why... but things just suddenLy sank into my mind and then into my own heart that made me cry out aloud siLentLy! Basically, these things are related to all friends of mine who are one way or another feeLs that stupid feeling of pain and hurt because of that ever inevitable thing so-called rejection! Deep within the weakest part of me is trying to be strong aiming to consoLe friends who confessed pains and hurtings of their own. I sincereLy thank God for making me strong to be able to somehow encourage each one of them.
One thing I really...REALLY hate the most is... knowing and learning that somebody is hurt.. a different kind of hurt in which pain is soo choking and can literally stop someone's heart beat! This pain is more than being bulimic that someone would throw-up even if no food was taken at all (tell me about it!) I hate it sooo much because I have been there and I thought I have never imagined how I looked like during those drastic days! I'm thankfuL that I'm "literally" ok now, however, I just can't help it to be burdened by how some of my friends feel and the situation they are going through now. Another thing is that the experience has made me more than cautious NOT to be in the same situation again. Dudette, take note well about it!
Oh God, please help me to let them know how I have survived such tragedy through You. Would you please uplift each one of my friends' heart and allow them to release that pain all out unto you mah Lord JC!
That gives me the cue to cut this out and better kneel down and intercede for my friends. I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is more than stronger than the power of the enemy!
Laterz!
Monday, October 6, 2008
NepaL - here I come again!
It tickLed my heart when my housemate, Norlyn handed me over a travel kit she bought that consist of the travel pillow and eyes shade w/ ear plugs, whiLe I was packing my stuffs. I'm touched by her gesture eventhough the moment she gave me the things she went straight to her room..I was puzzLed! lol. Anyways....yeah, so I'm going to Nepal once again on a mission trip and yet I am still more than excited =) It's amazing that just like the previous one, excitement isn't really that explicit huh! Hmm.. i really wonder why :)
While packing, I've recalled I received a few offers of ride to the airport - too bad they were all too late as I was able to have enough boldness to ask Shirley already! lol... aLong the way, I've received some MSN message from Tze Han about the ride again.... and some text messages from Angeline, Julie, and Terry separately. I replied to each one of them accordingly. Pstr. Mei dropped by to pass things for Susan and I was gLad to have hugged EiLeen and waved "hi" to granny...then off they drove away.
I had a great KFC toaster twister dinner but I'd say, I sincerely appreciate all of them. Thanks everyone! *winks*....hugz!
NepaL as it is, marks a very special spot within the inner me. My very first trip to Nepal opened a door of lotsa opportunities and mind you, those are good and bad, a combined taste of sweet, spicy, sour and bitter :p
Nepal was the key for me to reach my highest peak of happiness (thus far... but i strongly believe that there'll be higher than "highest" to come! :P) .. Ironically it was also the major gravity that pulled me down six feet below the ground (can you imagine? lolz). Above all, things concerning Nepal made me stronger and that is because my faith in God, after a very tough time of testing, has become more than stronger ever! Made me notice weLL a few personals along the way too :)
BlessedLy, those hard times are already over - praise God, big time!
As I look forward on the vitaL and nobLe things we are going to do in Nepal, I am sincereLy gratefuL of the overfLowing LOVE that the Lord Jesus Christ is giving me... through every single individuaL around me, around far afar from me (and should I say around Facebook? LOL :P). I pray that truLy this overfLowing love will be poured out afresh to the people of Nepal and to whoever divine appointment that will come along our way.
As I go to NepaL once again, I have 2 major things in mind and in heart apart from reaLLy sharing the love of Christ to the people there.
First is to officiaLLy and formaLLy close that specific book chapter in my Life forgetting ultimately and primarily the not so good part of it...specificaLLy that particuLar door of hurts and pains, which trapped me before....(this is like for formality sake, lol)... and this one goes out to you whom God has used for me to be able to anchor and trust in Him more than ever...i'd say.. with all due sincerity, thank you so much for seeing me the way I wanted a person to see me. I pray that God will bring forth someone speciaL to you (hopefully more special than me ya? :P) who wiLL admire you and love you just the way you are, just the way I did.
The second one is to enthusiasticaLLy and fuLLy open a new episode of me, a significant beginning of what Life has to offer me more and should I say.... a hopefuL and exciting start-up of what is reaLLy God's great pLan for my entity. A window shaLL be opened...with a more fuLL bLown capabiLity of loving someone unconditionaLLy.... becoming the innermost strength of that somebody apart from the Lord God Almighty (ofcourse :P)... can't wait for my heart to meet and see through that someone's heart completeLy! My nobLe star's heart - from one corner of my worLd.
NepaL - here I come, again! *giggLes*
P. S. Check out my first Nepal Trip archive: http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2007/04/nepal-here-we-come/
*peace out*
While packing, I've recalled I received a few offers of ride to the airport - too bad they were all too late as I was able to have enough boldness to ask Shirley already! lol... aLong the way, I've received some MSN message from Tze Han about the ride again.... and some text messages from Angeline, Julie, and Terry separately. I replied to each one of them accordingly. Pstr. Mei dropped by to pass things for Susan and I was gLad to have hugged EiLeen and waved "hi" to granny...then off they drove away.
I had a great KFC toaster twister dinner but I'd say, I sincerely appreciate all of them. Thanks everyone! *winks*....hugz!
NepaL as it is, marks a very special spot within the inner me. My very first trip to Nepal opened a door of lotsa opportunities and mind you, those are good and bad, a combined taste of sweet, spicy, sour and bitter :p
Nepal was the key for me to reach my highest peak of happiness (thus far... but i strongly believe that there'll be higher than "highest" to come! :P) .. Ironically it was also the major gravity that pulled me down six feet below the ground (can you imagine? lolz). Above all, things concerning Nepal made me stronger and that is because my faith in God, after a very tough time of testing, has become more than stronger ever! Made me notice weLL a few personals along the way too :)
BlessedLy, those hard times are already over - praise God, big time!
As I look forward on the vitaL and nobLe things we are going to do in Nepal, I am sincereLy gratefuL of the overfLowing LOVE that the Lord Jesus Christ is giving me... through every single individuaL around me, around far afar from me (and should I say around Facebook? LOL :P). I pray that truLy this overfLowing love will be poured out afresh to the people of Nepal and to whoever divine appointment that will come along our way.
As I go to NepaL once again, I have 2 major things in mind and in heart apart from reaLLy sharing the love of Christ to the people there.
First is to officiaLLy and formaLLy close that specific book chapter in my Life forgetting ultimately and primarily the not so good part of it...specificaLLy that particuLar door of hurts and pains, which trapped me before....(this is like for formality sake, lol)... and this one goes out to you whom God has used for me to be able to anchor and trust in Him more than ever...i'd say.. with all due sincerity, thank you so much for seeing me the way I wanted a person to see me. I pray that God will bring forth someone speciaL to you (hopefully more special than me ya? :P) who wiLL admire you and love you just the way you are, just the way I did.
The second one is to enthusiasticaLLy and fuLLy open a new episode of me, a significant beginning of what Life has to offer me more and should I say.... a hopefuL and exciting start-up of what is reaLLy God's great pLan for my entity. A window shaLL be opened...with a more fuLL bLown capabiLity of loving someone unconditionaLLy.... becoming the innermost strength of that somebody apart from the Lord God Almighty (ofcourse :P)... can't wait for my heart to meet and see through that someone's heart completeLy! My nobLe star's heart - from one corner of my worLd.
NepaL - here I come, again! *giggLes*
P. S. Check out my first Nepal Trip archive: http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2007/04/nepal-here-we-come/
*peace out*
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