I was all prepared to be really alone during this Christmas. I thought this is what I'll get in exchange for an awesome Christmas season last year when my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate with me. In fact, I was kinda devastated that I ended up not watching the musical play "Homer" already so I told myself, this year's Christmas isn't really going to be a good one. I felt like all my considered good friends kinda left me out or forgot about me since they're all with their family & love ones. I didn't take that against them anyway since it's their right to spend time with their family....haha!
I kept on contemplating what shall I do during this very special day (it will always be special). Perhaps, after skyping with my precious family in Manila, I thought I'd spend time with God alone, celebrate His sort of birthday so to speak and just dwell in His presence all by myself. I decided to just be thankful and enjoy this private moment. On a side note though, I had this little justification with God saying, "but Lord, isn't that when happiness is shared it is doubled? But anyhow, I will choose to be happy by just having You.".
Well, the Lord won't simply allow His children to be really sad on His birthday will He? I received an invitation from a colleague/friend who's literally seating just beside my cubicle at work to join them for the Christmas eve Noche Buena. At first, I didn't want to go because I thought they're a couple & would need their privacy celebrating. My conscience was scolding me, "Cut the crap of your pride & just go already! They invited you sincerely!" And so I went. The Noche Buena feast with Nestie & Ana was simple but very intimate. It was just the 3 of us! :D They didn't even allow me to drive and go home that night and so I slept over at their place.
Christmas day, I picked up my new housemate from work as she worked night shift on the 24th early in the morning. After that, I took a nap and head to the Christmas Day church service with another couple friend, Tze Han & Lay Ching whom invited me to join them. They picked me up and we went to Traders Hotel for the Christmas service. We then had a Japanese food lunch with Tze Han's aunties and cousins. It was a great Christmas day lunch meal.
I admire couples who welcome company in times like these. Moreover, people who are inclusive and make you feel "you're not alone" when someone is actually alone. I will usually think that I'm like a disturbance or annoyance to them but they've treated me with much sincerity and showed me a good sense of belonging. At the end of the day, perhaps just when I thought that my good friends abandoned me, Christmas 2012 made me realize that I have other good friends as mentioned. This, I will treasure deeply in my heart and are added to the things that will make me remember that God is good all the time!
Now let's see what's gonna happen for the New Year's eve. Stay tuned! =)
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Fear not, Be glad.....
A lot of good and happy things are going on. One of my housemates has gone to SG for a new job and the other one will relocate to Sydney soon. Another good friend was recently attached and I'd say much inlove... How nice, I'm really glad for what's happening in their respective lives.
All those things I would say are good for all of my friends. I would say I'm happy for them but oh well, when human nature kicks in, and when my own thoughts return to thinking about myself, there's this substance of sadness and fear. That selfish question "what about me?" or "how about me?" kicks in. Then that gloomy clouds hover within my heart and my mind. Deep inside, I am crying out loud unto God. Seems like the impression to me is that He's not listening to my cries at all. But then, there were times, I am being reminded of the past things happened in my life. Now, this seems God as well, reminding me of awesome great things He has done when I was at the edge of my agony way back 7 years ago. So, I kept quiet. I tried my best to be very still reminding myself over and over again to be still before the Lord and know that He is God.
Yeah, I must admit, a lot of things yet to happen, that somehow really made me scared and be worried implicitly. Things that involves the present and the future for my family and myself.
However, I don't know why after today, I suddenly felt like I am not that scared of things yet to happen any more. It's like there's this very very still small voice telling me:
Fear not, Be glad..... I am with You.
All those things I would say are good for all of my friends. I would say I'm happy for them but oh well, when human nature kicks in, and when my own thoughts return to thinking about myself, there's this substance of sadness and fear. That selfish question "what about me?" or "how about me?" kicks in. Then that gloomy clouds hover within my heart and my mind. Deep inside, I am crying out loud unto God. Seems like the impression to me is that He's not listening to my cries at all. But then, there were times, I am being reminded of the past things happened in my life. Now, this seems God as well, reminding me of awesome great things He has done when I was at the edge of my agony way back 7 years ago. So, I kept quiet. I tried my best to be very still reminding myself over and over again to be still before the Lord and know that He is God.
Yeah, I must admit, a lot of things yet to happen, that somehow really made me scared and be worried implicitly. Things that involves the present and the future for my family and myself.
However, I don't know why after today, I suddenly felt like I am not that scared of things yet to happen any more. It's like there's this very very still small voice telling me:
Fear not, Be glad..... I am with You.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
First Half - 2012!
Here I am, in a Starbucks corner; trying to contain all the thoughts roaming my mind and thinking which one to put into writing. Then, a major thought emerged! OMG, it's mid-2012 already! This complicated things and lead my brain into thinking more thoughts, hah!
Those thoughts revolve around things that took place in the past six months, the present, and of course the future wouldn't want to be left out.
The Past Six Months. I'm the type of person who choose to focus more on the good side of things rather than the bad. However, I sure don't simply forget the bad ones because I use them as objects for lessons learned. Basically the bad stuff are normally composed of the negative emotion existence. Imma say that these include loneliness, anger, little bit of bitterness, self-pity, maybe envy, and the worst is hopelessness (or the list could go on and on). The enemy is just clever enough to make use of these feelings to turn me down maybe even to bury me 6 feet below the ground hypothetically. Too bad, I have Someone deep inside my heart and mind Who is omnipotent and much loving, even the most cleverest One (Yep, I'm exaggerating superlatives :P). I consciously and wholeheartedly make myself be anchored by this One, hence, I'm still existing above the ground literally and figuratively. :)
It is said that there's always the 2sides of a coin. The good things happened for the past six months? I'd say more than enough to bury those bad stuff. I've maintained relationship with good friends around (don't want to mention who's who). I got to spend time with whom I consider family here in Penang (I have a father and brother here you know....) with all those fine dining kind of dinner and cooking of daddy Ron - priceless. I've made new friends when I joined ERT, had the chance to go camping in Gunung Jerai and that was kind of a little adventure thingy. My good friend Julie got married. It was fun to be a part of her "chee muis" and to witness one ultimate thing I have hoped for happening to someone close to me. I've read that you should be happy when things you want to experience yourself at least happened to other people, how much more to someone you know. The opportunity to dance for God in PISA was like a stardom and hyper during the Revo Night! I've cherished each moment with everyone who joined the group in dancing, from little girls to big girls, or should I say grown ups! The highlight of the good is that, I managed to spend quality time with my family back in the Philippines. We went to Davao City (southern Philippines) to celebrate my mama's birthday. The sight of all of them enjoying the splash and waves of the beach, the sumptuous feasty meals, the billiard bonding sessions, and the cuddling, tickling each other, camwhoring stuff - ah! more than priceless, classic vintage!
The Future. Uhm, a lot of things I thought or I plan to do. But, oh well, I have to organize my thoughts and analyse these things first and I need to make sure to surrender all of them upon God. I need God's wisdom and guidance that I need to ask for discernment on what things I should really do and focus on.
The Now. Now? Hmmm... I just wanna say I'm enjoying it... Enjoying in a kinda responsible way I should say, if you know what I mean. I'm reminding myself, the now is a gift since it's present.
Charged to the second half of 2012! Bring it on!
Those thoughts revolve around things that took place in the past six months, the present, and of course the future wouldn't want to be left out.
The Past Six Months. I'm the type of person who choose to focus more on the good side of things rather than the bad. However, I sure don't simply forget the bad ones because I use them as objects for lessons learned. Basically the bad stuff are normally composed of the negative emotion existence. Imma say that these include loneliness, anger, little bit of bitterness, self-pity, maybe envy, and the worst is hopelessness (or the list could go on and on). The enemy is just clever enough to make use of these feelings to turn me down maybe even to bury me 6 feet below the ground hypothetically. Too bad, I have Someone deep inside my heart and mind Who is omnipotent and much loving, even the most cleverest One (Yep, I'm exaggerating superlatives :P). I consciously and wholeheartedly make myself be anchored by this One, hence, I'm still existing above the ground literally and figuratively. :)
It is said that there's always the 2sides of a coin. The good things happened for the past six months? I'd say more than enough to bury those bad stuff. I've maintained relationship with good friends around (don't want to mention who's who). I got to spend time with whom I consider family here in Penang (I have a father and brother here you know....) with all those fine dining kind of dinner and cooking of daddy Ron - priceless. I've made new friends when I joined ERT, had the chance to go camping in Gunung Jerai and that was kind of a little adventure thingy. My good friend Julie got married. It was fun to be a part of her "chee muis" and to witness one ultimate thing I have hoped for happening to someone close to me. I've read that you should be happy when things you want to experience yourself at least happened to other people, how much more to someone you know. The opportunity to dance for God in PISA was like a stardom and hyper during the Revo Night! I've cherished each moment with everyone who joined the group in dancing, from little girls to big girls, or should I say grown ups! The highlight of the good is that, I managed to spend quality time with my family back in the Philippines. We went to Davao City (southern Philippines) to celebrate my mama's birthday. The sight of all of them enjoying the splash and waves of the beach, the sumptuous feasty meals, the billiard bonding sessions, and the cuddling, tickling each other, camwhoring stuff - ah! more than priceless, classic vintage!
The Future. Uhm, a lot of things I thought or I plan to do. But, oh well, I have to organize my thoughts and analyse these things first and I need to make sure to surrender all of them upon God. I need God's wisdom and guidance that I need to ask for discernment on what things I should really do and focus on.
The Now. Now? Hmmm... I just wanna say I'm enjoying it... Enjoying in a kinda responsible way I should say, if you know what I mean. I'm reminding myself, the now is a gift since it's present.
Charged to the second half of 2012! Bring it on!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Leap Day!
Yes, it's February 29th today and 24 minutes more, the so-called leap day is gone! Gone with the wind in a blink of an eye Imma say. Whew!
I'm feeling a little bit exhausted at the moment, and at the same time sleepy but couldn't really sleep. Ugh! I really hate it when this thing is happening. It's like your brain keeps on fighting with the other parts of your body where the majority is telling it to shut down and switch off the lights! But the brain waves are still roaming around your head! The more frustrating part is when you're thinking about non sense things that aren't even valuable and the likes! Like what I'm doing now, just thought of typing it out here without any purposeful thought. Yeah right, just so to say that I'm blogging kinda thing. Geez, it ain't really that nice I'd say.
Well, maybe, just maybe.... the typing and blogging helped the brain to really wear off for the day... I am starting to feel it now.... and that calls for me to go to bed and really enjoy the beauty of sleeping.
Finally!
That's all of the nonsense for now. Nighty! :D *yawn*
I'm feeling a little bit exhausted at the moment, and at the same time sleepy but couldn't really sleep. Ugh! I really hate it when this thing is happening. It's like your brain keeps on fighting with the other parts of your body where the majority is telling it to shut down and switch off the lights! But the brain waves are still roaming around your head! The more frustrating part is when you're thinking about non sense things that aren't even valuable and the likes! Like what I'm doing now, just thought of typing it out here without any purposeful thought. Yeah right, just so to say that I'm blogging kinda thing. Geez, it ain't really that nice I'd say.
Well, maybe, just maybe.... the typing and blogging helped the brain to really wear off for the day... I am starting to feel it now.... and that calls for me to go to bed and really enjoy the beauty of sleeping.
Finally!
That's all of the nonsense for now. Nighty! :D *yawn*
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Ending 2011: White spaces focused!
There were a couple of black dots in an A4 size of bond paper. I was asked to stare at that paper with a question, "what do you see"? Bombarded with rambling thoughts to look into those dots, echoing the sad, low, and lonely times of 2011, I decided to choose to forget or at least get over it and consciously focus myself into the wide range of white spaces between the dots.
It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...
It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.
I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!
My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.
Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!
Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.
In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.
And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.
Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!
Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.
With that, let me end my 2011 now.
-end-
It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...
It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.
I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!
My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.
Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!
Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.
In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.
And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.
Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!
Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.
With that, let me end my 2011 now.
-end-
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