A boy's father-figure...

"A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map."

This is a significant and heavy one-liner included in the "Introduction" of the current book I'm reading, "The Way of the Wild Heart" (A map for the masculine journey) by John Eldredge. I don't really know what brought me interested into reading this book. However, with just the introduction itself, it made me more eager and interested to finish it soon! The author was kinda "talkin'" to his men readers and surprisingly sounded like talkin' to women readers along the way also - referring to mommies raising boys. Uhhhmmm....Well.. probably because I've finish the book "Captivating", which is the "woman" version of this book so might as well read the man's version huh!

Anyhow, I just started the book! And I have felt and recognized already the importance of a father to a "boy"! Made me think of my one and only brother back home and tried to recall how's his relationship with my dad and vice-versa :S Errr.. I can say.. it wasn't that really close and good though - that is based on my observation. I can say that they have quite a bit of generation gap since my brother was born when my father was like 42 years old already!

Then I remember my cousin. He purposely married like so early... I can't really recall but I think he got married even before he reached his 30's! His reason? He has mentioned to me that he wants his children (especially if a son) to be like his brother or friend also and not just his son... so that they can get along well.... I'd say.. he did make sense! and I think my cousin's goal is really to be able to be a good father-figure to his son! My nephew is like around 8 years old now =)

Then made me think about my "guy" friends who somehow had some issues with the "dad" thingy. I have a couple of close friends whereby their dads have left them or something like that :( As I thought of them, my heart sank because of so much concern... I ended up closing my eyes and uttered a simple prayer for them having at least a good-father figure even if it wasn't their own-biological father. Made me suddenly mad a bit about my niece's dad abandoning her.... Good thing... our baby ZyriLLe is a girl (she's our angel!) - at least mommies can handle =P

Anyhow, I shall continue reading the book and will add up some postings should there be a leading for me to do so...

So guys... who's your father-figure? If you don't have yet... I'd say... look for one so you won't get lost and be a useless explorer/wanderer :)

And for those men who have one way or another abandon a son... please think twice if you want your son/s to be the same. Be a man! and be responsible enough of your "actions"!!!

***

out of my control..

"we cannot control everything but we can control our attitude" - This liner or something like this was well taken note by my mind. I began to think and check how's my attitude about things I can't control from my end.

Lately, there are a lot of things I'm concerned of that seemed look like way uncontrollable....

-voicing out to some friends about their attitude and stuffs,
-other situations that involve a lot of people
-concerns for other people
-sheperding related stuffs
-my personal stuffs
-etcetera, etcetera

Knowing me, i try to epxress whatever it is in my mind as much as I can. Like for instance, I have somehow scolded (if you can call that scolding) a friend about one attitude he/she has towards a persoan. Stopped a bit but then came back to the old routine once again... i said.. i'm not gonna speak up anymore...he/she knows what he/she is doing....

Another one is by constantly reminding another friend to be cautious and careful about things related to the very thing that has hurted that person very much.

And I'd say a lot of other things still....

Wait a minute, what about myself... hmmm... I remember one friend has stated once the following lines about me... "I cannot control her and I don't know how to control her.... very difficult to control her... etc. etc.." Then I began to ask myself, control me on what? Can somebody give me some insights on this? I need to know! so that i can check myself as well if I'm being too much on something...

Anyhow, the relief part of this - God is in total control.

He will... one way or another speak to me and to the people I'm very much concerned, twist the situations that is bound to happen connected to me and a lot of other higher ways and thoughts of God.

My dearest Lord, I commit and surrender to you everything that is within my heart and my mind. I ask that you release the burden in me and that your comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding will reign deep within the very me.

Thank you.

***

"Feelings-Deficient"

“It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” - This struck me when I read today's ODB.

Can't help it but post it here... this is to remind myself and remind some of my readers about God's love. I can somehow, some times understand the feeling of seems I'm not being loved by God (ugh! human nature!) =P

Here you go.. read on and enjoy!

Mallory doesn’t feel loved by God. She received Jesus as her Savior several years ago and is confident that she is forgiven and will spend eternity with Him. She believes what God says in His Word, but she would also like to feel loved.

Her friends give her what she thinks is a pat answer: “It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” She says, “Okay, but when is later?” She believes she’s “feelings-deficient.”

God created us in His image to have emotions, so the longing to feel loved is legitimate and good. One way that many of us sense we’re loved is when someone talks with us and listens to us.

God provides those needs in our relationship with Him too. He speaks through His Word to our heart (Heb. 4:12), and He wants us to pour out our heart to Him about everything (Ps. 62:8)—even our longing to feel His love. Besides a relationship with Him, He daily gives us our breath, clothing, food, and shelter. Like the psalmist, we can find Him to be our “rock” and “refuge” as we trust Him (vv.2,7).

God loves us. Now, we walk by faith. One day, when we’re in His very presence, we’ll never again be feelings-deficient. — Anne Cetas

Knowing that God loves us comes by faith; feeling His love for us comes by relationship.

Faith it is.....thus indeed relationship it is too... =)

..misinterpretation..

Sometimes, it's very difficult to do things when the probability of being misinterpreted is there even for just a small percentage of it. And the worst is.. when you try to explain things to perhaps defend yourself, chances are.. there will always be some amount of doubts.

Recently, i've learned that some of the things I've done was sort of misinterpreted by someone I've loved - now this is one hard part of it.... someone whom you know that will trust you and believe you... misinterpreting things from you huh! A major ouch!

I should say I was just being true to myself and wanted to be as open as I can be. Open in a sense that whatever my mind thinks of... I try to do my best to express it and not hide anything in my mind.... but.. the impact on the other party was different, thinking that I was implying something... sigh.. difficult...

Anyhow, come to think of it.... there were moments in me that I'm the one happen to misinterpret some deeds of others in a way that I think I was offended. Did try to inform those people and eventually I've known that they didn't mean it at all. Hehehe...

Oh dear....

Can't fight the moonlight =)

I've decided to watch Coyote Ugly again..... and it just made my heart leaps! ;p

Here you go one of the songs in it's OST...

Under the lover-sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until
'Til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, But you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight..
NoYou can't fight it...
It's gonna get to your heart

There's no escaping love
Once a gentle breeze
Weaves a spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long
'Til you're in my arms

Underneath the starlight, starlight
We'll be lost in the rhythm so right
Feel it steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight...
NoYou can't fight it
No matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you

(You're gonna knowThat I know)
Don't try, you're never gonna win, oh

Underneath the starlight, starlight,
There's a magical feeling, so right
It'll steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

:P

Guys 'n Gals facts?

Read this somewhere and I just smiled :P I'm not sure about the "Guys" part though....but for the Gals... i think some items are quite true... read on and enjoy! =)

Guy Facts—
* When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you.
* When a guy is quiet, he’s listening to you.
* When a guy is not arguing, he realizes he’s wrong.
* When a guy says, “I’m fine” after a few minutes, he means it.
* When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.
* When you’re laying your head on a guy’s chest, he feels he has the world.
* When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday, he is in love.
* When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it.
* When a guy says he can’t live without you, he’s with you till your done.
* When a guy says, “I miss you,” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him.

Gal Facts–
* When a girl is mean to you after a break-up, she wants you back but she is too scared she’ll get hurt and know you’re gone forever.
*When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile.
* When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you, she wants you to hold her hand.
* When she wants a hug, she will just stand there.
* When you break a girl’s heart, she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later.
* When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
* When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
* When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
* When a girl answers, “I’m fine” after a few seconds, SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL.
* When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games.
* When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
* When a girl says she can’t live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.
* When a girl says, “I miss you”, no one in this world can miss you more than that.

***

..mothers' patience, fathers' influence... both's love!

Last night, I had an opportunity to be able to watch one "play" somewhere in Penang town area - a true-to-life based story of a man who became a drug addict and that being in and out of the prison.

The drama started with a scene where the father went home drunk! Ofcourse, what do you expect the wife/mother will do? Errr... kinda nag to the hubby right? LOL. Uhhmm.. maybe the wife was arguing with the husband probably asking him to change and all since they already have a baby (the man - still a baby that time)....

Well... since the play was half hokkien and half English (thank God! It's half English!). I can somehow make sense of the hokkien lines in between, thanks to Lay Ching for translating some of the dialogue lines for me =). If I'm not mistaken though, the dad didn't have any job at all? Not really sure though... Anyhow.. the first scene ended showing the wife/mother running away from that house with all her stuffs leaving the baby to the granny.. and leaving the hubby for good!

Somehow, certain childhood memories of mine flashed back. I remember myself running here and there beside the high-way looking for my mom and my dad. If my memory served me right, my father was drunk that night and I dunno really what happened why I ended up being home alone that I went out to chase my mom and dad... Probably because of drunkenness he went out of the house and because my mom was worried, she chased my dad probably tried to convince to be home instead! My dad was once a drunkard! I think.. if my mom was not that patient enough to bear my dad's attitude "before", she may have left me and my sister also that time. I thank God for a patient mother! That i will always take note - be patient (talk about hubby-wife matters?).

Next couple of scene showed about the father taking drugs at home! Can you imagine? And so this ah-boy sneaked through the window watching what was his dad is doing. The dad left all his drug paraphernalias just somewhere in the table. So, from a boy what would you expect? So the boy got curious and tried all these drug-related stuffs. Indeed, the father has influenced the boy. So, as early as 11 year's old the boy have learned to take drugs :(

Another scene was shown whereby the boy was trying to show his drawing to the dad but the dad just ignored it... Sigh... what a dad huh! Anyways.. the boy ended up stowing away (stokwa-pinoy term) and was led into a very bad path with drug addicts and pushers...

I began to think again, was my father that bad? I don't think so... He's only unknown to me whenever he's drunk! Drunkenness sucks! Anyways, I began to think and recall my memories with my father. I can remember that during his normal state, he used to carry me over his shoulders... once or twice, he did manage to teach me and help me on my academic assignments when I was in primary.... and once.. I was running toward him and jumped up to him the moment I knew he arrived from Manila (we were in a province/kampung that time)... I used to give him his slippers whenever he arrived from work and take off his shoes =)... Secondary days - we used to chat on the staircase sharing his escapades and good ol' days. He will always walk me to the jeepney stop early in the morning on the way to my work in Manila.

Indeed the role of a mother and a father in a family is very very vital to an individual. The parents are the primary set of people that a child look-up to and have a great influence in this child's growing up years and eventually as an adult.

I admire those who are single parents who managed to raise their child/children alone because I can say that even if both parents are present, it's already hard to do parenting, how much more if you're a single parent.

mother's patience, father's influence, the love of both! =)

the other way around....

in our rational mind, it's so typical to feel sad and maybe hurt if what you want to happen is not really happening... i believe i've been in this situation before... so i can tell...

however, i am noticing myself on the other side of it lately. it seems like whatever is currently happening within me is NOT the very thing i want!!! and it makes me feel bad because it's happening... and that's why i always end up weeping and sobbing every now and then..begging God to take "it" away from me.

my Lord, please take this thing away from me if it's not from You. please please please?

***

YOU!

You give me hope,
The strength, the will to keep on;
No one else can make me feel this way
And only you
Can bring out all the best I can do;
I believe you turn the tide
And make me feel real good inside.

You pushed me up
When I'm about to give up;
You're on my side when no one seems to listen
And if you go, You know the tears can't help but show
You'll break this heart and tear it apart;
Then suddenly the madness starts

It's your smile,
Your face, your lips that I miss,
Those sweet little eyes that stare at me
And make me say,
I'm with you through all the way.

'Cause it's you
Who fills the emptiness in me;
It changes ev'rything, you see,
When I know I've got you with me


:)

What good is.....

What good is having straight "A's" when you're alone studying the lessons? That's why there's the so-called group study.

What good is a success in "career" when you've got nobody to share it with - family and friends.

What good is a car if you're the only one in it? Yeah you're driving it but isn't it good if you have someone in the passenger's seat at least?

What good is a big house if you're the only one staying on it? or maybe only the two of you staying on it?

What good is reading a lot of books when you don't share and apply?

What good is reading and studying the Bible when you don't share what you've learned to others?

What good is sharing it to others when you yourself don't apply it?

-end-

God spoke thru pontianaks!

"I will do everything I can to take care of you." - These were the words of Edward Cullens to Bella when they were in the car, as Edward was driving her back (or something, can't really remember). These were the same words echoed in my heart this morning after I felt God's touch and comfort.

Something quite normal (as the majority say) happened this morning "again", which somehow spoiled my enthusiasm praising and worshipping God. At the beginning of worship, I felt really very odd to do so. But then I'm reminded that worshipping God is not about me, it's about Him! From the bottom of my heart, I really wanted to but the shallow part of it didn't really jived. As the song "Magnificent" was sung, I purposely raised my hand and sang along from my heart as I wanna hear from Him. While in my mind, I talked to God and I said..."Lord, why is it that I feel...You seem so far from me "now"? Nevertheless, I will still choose to praise and worship you."

I was thinking, was it because the "yet another parking challenge" that kinda ruined my day? Nah, I don't think so. Probably what happened triggered other "stuffs" within and made me bursted out implicitly.

Suddenly, I felt an embrace from Siew Ching. I was like in tears as I felt her hugging me. She has never done that before in the middle of worship though. Then I thought of Him and deep within, it's like I can hear God saying.. "there you go! you think I'm far from you? I just hugged you!" Then the above "one-liner" registered my mind together with a few scenes in the "Twilight" movie we've watched last night, side by side with the few scenes of my life.

The scene whereby daddy Cullen said to the daughter, "She's with Edward and she's part of the family now. We will protect her." flashed unto me. I can feel Bella's fear but she stood firm knowing that her "family" with Edward's is there for her.

... then the vast instances that my "family" here had helped me, took care of me, were played unto me. Talk about what happened last Wednesday night and this morning, I have so much of my brothers and sisters in Christ who were there encouraging me in the middle of my "trembling and shaking individuality." I'm really thankful that i wanted to hug each and everyone of them (but cannot.. LOL) :P

Talk about "everything" in the first sentence of this entry, God is using other people around me as well to take care of me that on top of my church family, friends outside church are also there. Truly God can do "everything"... Simple things... small things... count a LOT for me. This is why, on my own little way... may it be from the most simple thing I can, to the most complicated "wowser" big stuff I'm capable of, I will do it.

"Twilight" is sort of a love story...errr not really sort of Imma say.. it is indeed a love story. LOL. I admit, I was thinking of other things too while watching the movie ;p ehehehe... Hey c'mon! let's admit (for those who have watched it), it's a "feel-good" movie okay? :P Just like what Bella felt with Edward, she's loving him unconditionally... i asked myself.. can i do that? Then I told myself, I want and I love to do that, God help me - to love unconditionally. Then another thought came, "will there be a man like Edward who will like really care for me like that?" I'm sure a lot of girls who've watched the movie thought of the same thing. I can tell, LOL. and so forth and so on!

However, it's funny how God twisted my thoughts back to Him.

I'm glad. I'm amazed. I'm in awe. Indescribable.

.....untitLed......

I know you're there.... I know that you know how am I feeling right now - that even myself can't really describe it clearly.

It's so vague, a mixed sentiment of sanctions and agonies.

There! I've blurted it out... through deep sighing and uncontrolling the flow of little tears.

Makes me really really wonder..when is your promise gonna be really fulfilled? As I have been wanting to ultimately experience that eternal bliss. When, there will be no more hurt and pains, no more sadness, no more bad things?

Nevertheless, what a great relief whenever I'm reminded of your great love in me. What a great strength I regain when I feel so weak.

What can I say but thanks! If only I could really embrace you physically...I would do every second of the minute, every minute of the hour and every hour of the day!

LIFE in a Death Row!

Deep inside, I feel like bursting into crying, sobbing my whole face unto my pillow in my bedroom! However, I can't as I'm stuck here in my cubicle at work - I have to contain myself. I needed to be strong though I feel like I'm gonna collapse with the exasperations I have all over, not forgetting every uncertainties happening around not just for me but I'd say for the majority.

I realized that it seems like I'm in a death row.

fLippy is in death mode. Phone is in a 50/50 life existence. My wallet seems to be struggling into "emptiness". Economy is bad. A lot of "cut here and there" everywhere. I am totally not sure how's my family back home. Enemy is attacking me through this stupid loneliness. Some of my friends are having anxieties. What else huh? I think there's a whole lot more.

But hey guess what? There's this stranger named the Holy Spirit, who reminded me something really important.. "while all these things are happening, remember that you have the LIFE?!" I smiled, recalling John 14:6....on top of it, I thought.. hey it's Thanksgiving day (in US) so i ended up wholeheartedly uttering, "Thank You Lord!"... and suddenly.... the death row zone my mind is staring at started to shift gear and I'm reminded and enlightened with the following....

Victor introduced me to uncle Chuan, who came to the office just now, went to the car park to check the car and it's battery! Had a short free-willy ride at Uncle's back in his cool motorbike! Managed to stretch both of my hands feeling the breeze - awesome! Yesterday, Florence gave me a ride to WahLi Cafe for me to meet up and encourage a brother.... Yin-yin gave me a ride back home as well after our CATS practice.

My phone can still turn on - not so bad talk about 50/50 chances... there's hope..there's still life 50%! It's still serving me well except that I needed to be patient with the annoyance it is giving me.

My wallet? Oh still got a few bucks in there. Think it will still be enough until the next payday though. I have Him who is more than enough anyways.

Loneliness? Get lost! I've got my housemate Norlyn, colleagues like Asmaa and Brian who can really talk, Shirley who checked me during my frist day of driving to work - love it, great friends from church, from CG, from the Pinoy geng, and a whole bunch of wise stuffs to do! not to mention the "love you, love you..." text message that my mom and sister is sending to me from time to time :P

My whole family? Nah they will be fine. they should be fine. they need to know how to be fine because they know WHO can really help them be fine. It's NOT me all the time!

My job? Errr... I still have it.. why do I need to worry about it? No no no... I'm leaving it all up to Him! I am not gonna worry about it... I'm just gonna be very still before Him! I have HIM!

I am currently reading a book (Big Picture People - just started), and I'm reminded that... I should not substitute my problems and difficult circumstances for the big picture! I should be focusing and seeing the greatness of my God, the vastness of His resources, and how much He desires to involve me in His great rescue plan for the lost. Now we're talking...

With the above? I need to convince myself to look beyond all these rational things happening around. I opt to see beyond all of these things, to imagine and hope even greater things more than I can think or imagine. This is because I have a God who knows what is best for me.... a God who is truly in control of everything... a God who is more than enough. He shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory! (Phil. 4:19) Yes, all glory be unto You!

No matter what, love you so much JC!

driving drives me crazy!

I'm in a very irregular shape to describe how awful I felt after the accident that happened just now to the car blessing I've been driving for 2days... to be exact! My mind is like a whirlwind when I was feeling the scratch in that car that I very love, feeling very sorry for it and to the owner who is very dear to me... suddenly I felt like I have no face to show already when he comes back :'(

Yes, I've managed to drive "fLippy" for 2days now. Geez.. I was so happy and I felt I had a great accomplishment the whole day yesterday...not until 10:45pm today; November 24, 2008! I bursted into crying after parking the car thru the push of an uncle because it died again! This morning I was shouting for joy that I made it to the office but tonight I was crying out loud because of what happened.

Indeed driving isn't easy! Talk about some definitions of a few friends I asked about driving - it's a commitment, it's a responsibility, and it's liberty! True... a mix of good and bad. *sigh*

This driving really drives me crazy.

My dear Lord, please forgive me for what I have done to flippy. I pray Father, that the owner will forgive me and will have patience and understanding oh please, I beg.

I ask and plead for Your daily guidance and protection. Grant me wisdom, focus and alertness whenever I'm driving....and a miracle to vanish the scratch! In Jesus name, Amen.

why such a contrast?

her mind is telling her..."Better not think about it so much and do not expect!",
however the heart deep within is whispering..."there's hope in it!".
It's so difficult, it's so complicated.

close friends are her "devil's advocate", becoming so cynical in every update ...
certain rude and cold actions in betweens add it up
but other personal times contradict its every part.
it's so difficult, it's so complicated.

she's quite happy & always enjoying,
but sometimes she's crying 'coz it's confusing.

i'd say...i guess she just need to be focused and still,
be very still before the Lord, she will.
choosing to believe that He shall make a way...
indeed He shall pave her day by day.

to her or not to her.. for her or not for her...
forever His, in her mind she'll always bear.

"extra" extraordinary weekends!

I can feel that my body is complaining now especially my brain, as I have been pushing myself to the limit Imma say. Mind you, it's my body and not me =P But then, I've kept in mind to blog about the past 2 consecutive weekends I had, just for me to stick in my mind and in my heart. Yeah, blogging emphasizes and re-energizes my "for-keeps" experiences....and ofcourse... have I told you that I consider blogging as "cathartic"? So, I thought by doing this, after a quite good time of rest I shall be fine... this is ofcourse on top of prayers and all ya....

Oh yes, I had 2 consecutive extra extra-ordinary weekends. Why the double "extra" you may ask? Ehehehe.. this is because I choose to consider every weekend of mine "extra-ordinary" already... and what I'm gonna talk about here are like super extra..... I'll try to be as brief and direct though for the reason that so many things to take note of and to share with you aLL.

*Last last weekend*

-heLped out in the International Children's day. Prayed for all and encouraged each one via sending text message. Wore the "Hanbok" korean dress - played games and walked on the stage wearing hanbok with the dressed-up kids (can u imagine?). Glad to see everyone of my dearies to be a part of the said event.

-went dinner with good friends e.g. Esther, Baby Sean, Siew Ching, Eugene, Yoan, Deborah.

-slept over Esther's place to play with baby Sean, had a great girl talk with Esther, exposed myself more to motherhood :D - well I've had a lot of insights in between conversations and play time with the baby. Watched a bit of a movie but eventually dozed off.

-driving lesson with a friend; made me realize not to always have a DR (Delayed Reaction) but try to address the situation right then and there as much as possible.

-went to movie, Quantum of Solace with a friend and friend's friends. One liner I've noted, "Forgive her, forgive yourself". Had quite a great dinner, exposed to other persinalities once again.

*Last Weekend*

-came back from our Leader's retreat in Batu Ferringhi. Had a fun ride with Siew Ching and Eugene. Once home, managed to sneaked-in 2 hours of sleep.

-Off to Gold Coast place, some guards talked to me. Asked my name, where am I from and all those "flirty" stuffs. Errr... I was already wearing big shortpants and shirt and my hair was so messy, how can? LOL. Tere wasn't there yet so i decided to chiLL in the Ikan Bakar seaside there. Enjoyed the sound of the waves, sunset and Penang Bridge from afar.

-Tere arrived, we dressed up as we planned to have candle light dinner in 32 The Mansion Restaurant. Well... it was a sumptous meal and we noticed in the end that a bottle of red-wine served in our table was about to finish. Yes, I can drink :P but occasionally only. A friend was there playing the bass... so we requested the group to sing/play "Dahil Sa'yo". They did, Tere was very gLad! We almost went to the front and dance a sweet dance..lol.. When done, we hugged Ruby the singer (if I remember the name right!) and bid good-bye telling them we will come back!

-I've got no choice to join my friends in Slippery Senorita. Been thinking how to escape?! Then, good thing we managed to invite my Bass player friend there. I thank God, I had the reason to escape already! my little bro was there to join us for a while then i grabbed him so we can go home.

-"You can get all the boys you want Becky"...."you should always dress-up like this in church"... (he is my church-mate that's why.). Those were the phrases stuck into my mind while on our way to the carpark. I was flattered but I bursted into a loud laughter. Replied to him something like this, "Nah, I dont think so bro. You are just so lucky to see me dress up like this because i seldom do it...Only when I'm really in the mood" and added to him that "I always do the opposite one, I show the worst physical me" lol..... errr not really.. uhm maybe I am just being more to myself.. although dressing up is being me as well.

-Come Sunday, went to morning prayer meeting. Had a great prayer time with Siew Ching (again?!) and the rest in the church. Sunday service was great! Lunch time was even nicer!

-Shocked to have had the chance to go to another friend's house and be able to meet the mom and granny. Didn't expect and was quite a bit shy..lol... anyhow, my friend's mom was indeed cool.. i think if no visitors arrived we could have chatted A LOT of stuffs already! lol... this is gonna be unforgettable too.

-Experienced one great miracLe! Wento my driving lesson again but this time, I drove to the flower shop somewhere in Jelutong (if I'm not mistaken again). This is bcoz I need to buy flowers for Norlyn's surprise :P. When we came back to the car, it won't start! As in even my friend tried it a lot of times, it WONT START! We called up Adrien to ask some advice. When we're about to leave the car there, I uttered..why not i start the car again for the last time and see..... along the conversation I was already praying for the car. ALAS! the car started. IT's A BIG MIRACLE! Indeed a mustard seed of faith works! My friend drove back the car, then off we go to dinner with lunchmates! LOL. It was really cool... I've eaten lunch with Lay Ching, Tze Han, Victor, Julie, Shirley, Angeline, Felix... then dinner time I ate with the last five again including Marcus and Aunt Helen. Cute :P

-Went home but still did not rest and sleep - I cannot. I must do the bouquet for the next day's surprise for Norlyn. Well.. this is my 2nd masterpiece of flower arrangement..yayy! Monday came, I went to work so early.. Norlyn went home. As she arrived home, she called me then I picked up the call saying.."Surprise!". I'm glad she was happy... it was her first time receiving flowers... then she wondered.. how is it like to receive flowers from a guy... errr.. (wait for my blog entry about flowers k?)

That's it... yeah no wonder... that's the reason why my body was kinda complainng already. I felt the heat inside me and the physical weariness... Nevertheless...I'd say... thank God for the extra extra-ordinary weekends! More to come.

*peace out*

Relationships...

In your friendships, in all your relationships, you will disappoint others and they will disappoint you.

That comes with the teritory of being a human. But it is NOT the truest thing. In your relationships, you have the opportunity to practice loving, to partner with God in mothering, in bringing forth life in another and having your heart enlarged by caring for another and your life enriched by sharing the adventure that life is.

-The above are quoted from a book-

'twas a success! I'm gLad =)

Can't help it to record here whiLe it was already stored in my heart =).

The pLan went weLL as I thought.. and most importantly? both of them were surprised and the common words were "embarassed but touched!"

Yes, I pLanned something in which I've done for the first time though.. surprising 2 of my friends on their "workaholic" birthdays! Been cracking my brain and shaking my heart for quite sometime as well to come-up with poems out of their names... praise God a day before, Tere's one was done whiLe manage to get SaiHo's one done just before he came in to the office.

Wait a minute... it wasn't just me though... I could have not done it fuLLy without Victor and Janet's help. Victor gave me time in accompanying to buy the fLowers! wee... and Janet did her best to give me the baLLoon pump tooL since she has forgotten to bring hers initiaLLy else my lungs are dead by now! LOL... Guys, thanks ;p

Here you go the poems:

TERESA TANEGA

Time really flies indeed it’s so fast,
Experiences we’ve had is a vast.
Reminiscin’ the past whiLe reLaxing,
Each moment we have is aLL worth keeping.
Such things are vaLued and treasured,
All those good stuffs I’ve adored.

TruLy as the days pass and go by,
Amidst aLL the Ups and Downs nearby
No way I wiLL ever say “goodbye”
Even untiL the day I wouLd die.
God wiLL be our guide by the side
Anchoring with Him, we shaLL gLide.


SAIHO YEOH

So quiet as he may seems to be,
All you have to do is spend time with thee.
Indirectly you’ll know him with gLee
He’ll knock your feet off saying..
Oh.. so do you have a problem with that? =)

Yesterday is already in the past,
Embrace your new year with a bLast.
Old age you may have literally…
Heart of yours should stay young and free!

...

Deeply In Love

Can't help posting this one.... oh dear...

In my life
You`ve heard me say
I love you
How do I show you it`s true
hear my heart, it longs for more of you..
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you..
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You and I, together forever
Nothing can, stand in the way
My love for you, grows stronger each new day.
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you
You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with you

From the bottom of my heart, I utter the same words above with music... originally from Hillsongs though.. :P

Two Ironies LateLy...

"Isn't it ironic...don't you think?" This is one line from Alanis Morissette's famous song, "Ironic".

It came to my attention that in between my interactions with some friends for the past couple of weeks, the topic of sharing and conversations captured a couple of ironies that are quite relative I may say. Let me share with you those stuffs then.

1st irony: to have or not to have distinction in treating a special someone.

I can say that I am uniquely and personally close to these two "local" friends. I'm glad how I've taken note of the sharings I had with them and vice-versa. I happened to ask a friend what is his distinction between a friend (or friends) and a special one whiLe chiLLin' sometime. I received quite a surprising answer that made my eyes opened as wide as it can! lol. No distinction, the only one would be the confession. That friend of mine believes that good things should be done for everybody - it makes sense. But then, I asked myself deep inside, "errr.. I'm not talking about good things though, I asked about distinction". Well, my friend reversed the gear a bit saying... there could be but it might be a bit indirect (or implicit?)... then I replied.."hmmm.. ok, alright". On a separate occasion, I had dinner with another friend whiLe talking about ministry stuffs. I didn't quite remember how we landed to a conversation whereby this friend said something like.."ofcourse she's special among friends so my treatment is different, there should be some distinction". Take note of the word "Ofcourse" huh! Errrr... more-over this friend even cited me as an example! Grrr.. kidding..lol. "Like for instance, I simply buLLy you like that 'coz you're my friend" he bLurted.. or something like that. Then I just teased back.. so that means special someone cannot be bullied is it?. These 2 friends' commonalities? both are close to girls and both are from here (Malaysia :D). Irony: not to have or to have distinctions in treating a special someone -End of irony 1-

As for me, I will have a distinction! :P

2nd irony: propose marriage soon or not so soon?

I was quite shocked and became a little bit panicky when one of my "Pinoy" friends told me that he shall propose to his "about a month" old gf. I said, "that soon?!" Well... he has given me some strong statements to maybe somehow justified it (or was he justifying it at all to me? lolz). Somehow, I felt some firmness between those liners...but still implicitly gave him benefits of the doubt. Ofcourse, as a friend I'm concerned and gave him strong statements as well! And perhaps certain "thought-boggling" questions for him to consider. One liner that I've highlighted though is... Hasty decisions are not good! Only fools rush in! Errr.. for this kind of situations at least... and that "guys" are normally "fickLe-minded" *peace y'all!" I've honestly told him that my "says" are not to discourage him or something but instead to encourage him in making firm decisions and whatever it is, I'm cool to support him and help him in any way I can =) After about more than a couple of hours then, I remembered another friend, in which I've asked when is he going to propose to his long-time gf (i think more than 2- years already). He firmLy repLied to me, "not so soon!" I remember, I asked why? what are you waiting for? Well... he replied.. not until I get rich and give her everything she wants. Uhhmm.. there was a big question mark on my face hearing this (this is a spearate topic though). Commonalities here: both have their local chinese girlfriends and are from Pinas! Irony: propose marriage soon or not so soon - End of irony 2 -

My say? I am not reaLLy sure because I am a girL :P I personally believe that the guys should do the marriage proposal and that the girl should just hope and wait! LOL...

On a bird's eyeview and in totaLity? To each her/his own - we just need to listen to what God has to say about it and that is if we are keen enough to hear Him. NevertheLess, God will always be with us and that He is good, all the time!

3 cups in a row with Him =)

Call me coffee freak! I am :P....

I have been proLonging my own agony of spending that more intimate time with him.. perhaps because there were a lot of thoughts going on my mind neglecting my souL's beloved lover. Take note of the added word "more".. 'coz somehow I think I am always spending intimate time with him already...then I recognized.. not reaLLy!

So on top of the workLoads I've got in the office, pLus that "not so new anymore news" about the economic crisis resulting to retrenchment that started my working day ...I have opted to stay away from my desk for a moment and went to one corner of the building specificaLLy to that very nice situated pantry we have, gazing at the mountains from afar. The Nescafe vendo machine served me weLL as I sit down in one tabLe, zipping my 1st cup of coffee and continued my Luke reading. Anyways, my working time has NOT started yet so I'm not using company's time for personal stuffs kay? I need to highlight this one, ofcourse! lol.

After reading Luke 13:34-35, I then had the urged to text or sms some people whom I've interacted with these past few weeks. Then there goes my 2nd cup! (health check: those cups are so small only ya?! :P) As I hit the "Send" button, I closed my eyes and smiLed. Prayed that it would somehow encourage everyone one way or another :)

Then I went back to my cube, decided to record what has just happened in here since I still have quite a couple of minutes before my next 2-hours meeting! Yaiks!

Now zipping the 3rd cup from the "roLLing store" of coffee, preparing for that meeting! StiLL my heart and my thoughts are with Him =)

I think I'm faLLin but a bit scared ^^

"Penang is reaLLy beautifuL!". I uttered out of the bLue last 4th of October '08 ('twas a Saturday!), whiLe my good friend was driving on the way to another friend's house in Park View. She just said, "oh yeah....it reaLLy is very beautiful!". Both of us smiled and giggLed! Staring at the trees over the mountains on the way to our destination and at the same time looking around, made me blurted it out wholeheartedLy! Moreover, it made me think how simpLe life can be in here since we just came out from the wet market to buy stuffs to cook! I'd say, it's simple but full of mysteries and adventures :)

"Penangnites (this is referring to Penang People) are so lucky because they got Penang!" This was the statement my friend said one early morning whiLe we're on the way to work, taking the coastaL road to the office. Both of us were gazing our Left side of the car window...lookin' at the sea and the trees and mountains beyond the beach as he drove along! I nodded and whisper, "Tell me about it!" then continued staring at the beautiful scene on my Left! My friend some more said, "I don't think I want to go back to where I've been from anymore and will just stay here for good!". I told him, "same here! and you've got more advantage because you have a local girlfriend!". I did some pushing to him to propose a marriage already! LOL! And then I thought, what a lame excuse to get married huh?! Then mentally punch myself out to cut the crap idea!

A whiLe ago, a friend brought me to one sea-side chiLL place somewhere in Tanjung Bunga. I've suggested to go Ayir Itam Dam since I've been wanting to be in a "literal" serene pLace to just be quiet and be still... but you know what happened already. Anyhow, I've agreed with my friend then as we reached... I smiLed deep inside 'coz I've already heard the splashing of the waves communicating to my heart instantLy. I'd say this is another place I wanna be though... so it sufficed my desire to be still. Reminded me of the song "Be Still" and as I listen siLentLy, I felt like soaring above the waves. It was about to turn dark but I tried my best to open wide my small eyes to be able to gaze the scenery, waiting for the almost completed sun-set to fuLLy submerged anticipating the stars =P

"What? Did I make you fall inlove to Penang again?" I heard this as I turn my sight to my friend's direction. I replied "he he he" and then deep inside I said, "I'd say, even more inloved!" then continued listening to the waves and feeling the cool breeze of the environment.

Oh well...I've been here in Penang for about 3 years and 1 month to be exact (as of this writing!), and as I spend my days and my life here...I can recognize that I am falling inlove to the place. Inlove in a sense that I almost don't want to let go of it, opting myself to stay here even on very special occasions we have back home. Pity myself for the remorse of missing my family & vice-versa though. You may think that I'm really having lotsa great times here in Penang that's why I'm feeling this way but you're wrong! I also have some down moments at stake and that there are also times that "tragic" stuffs happened or happening. It's just that good stuffs stand out!

With this great feeling of falling inlove with the place, comes a little bit of scary thoughts! Well, main "explicit" reason why I can still stay here is because of the job - what a blessing I consider it! I am trusting that the impLicit reason is that God wants me to be here for a purpose or maybe purposes? :)

I'm a bit scared in a way, thinking what if Penang will be taken away from me? I mean the job will suddenly swindLe and that my company decided to "shoo" me away from this specific site? lol.... Then I suddenly thought about it..."hmmm... maybe I should not Let myself be engrossed with the pLace too much or should I say...maybe I should control or stop falling for Penang so that it won't be that frustrating when time comes huh?". What do you think?

Then I began to see the issue in a different dimension - the real literal falling inlove with someone thingy! I remember telling some friends that I wish and hope not to fall inlove again so as to avoid being hurt! That's where the area of "scary" part comes in! Then a friend told me, "if you're only falling inlove when you know that you won't get hurt... then it's not love anymore at all... you're treating it as if it's just a game already... you win when you don't get hurt, you loose when you're hurt?! Is that the way it shouLd be? :S

Anyways, I've got some few items in mind to pray for about this Penang-related stuff. I also have some plans but then I am surrendering everything to God! Lord-willing... He shall grant the desires of my heart as I continue to deLight myseLf in Him.

Lord, anyhow... no matter what..I will still love You!

No matter what, I vow and opt to Love You with all my innermost being, my heart and my souL!

inner awestruck!

how can i ever explain what i feel inside in a manner that everyone will be able to understand or relate to huh? I'd say the awestruck description I used is basically a mixed of the black and white! but mind you... white surpasses that dark color making a small part of me turned into at least gray! enemy is actively attacking me huh... shoo! shoo!

anyhow, yeah.. I'm in awe.. (again? you may say!).. while there's a scary growing "not so good" (or should I say maybe inappropriate) feeling inside..I'm somehow glad that things outside of me are fine. I'd say... God is constantly on the move eh!

an inexpressible gratefulness is now raging within me as I think about wonderful things happening around and I'd say even including that grayish part within me.

managed to chat with a great friend, blogged about Shekinah, stumbled upon another blog that made my heart charmingly smiled to God uttering.. "Thank you Lord, You're really awesome and wrestles with one's heart!" and uhmmm what else... oh yeah! reading the every now and then emails and comments on the pics of our recent Gua Tempurung adventure!

upward overwhelming outburst! :P

as for the cause of the turned tiny "gray" part within me, uhmmm... now that's a downward overwhelming kind of slip... oh no! Well.. I feel that it is gonna be tough outwardly but inwardly i think I know what I needed to do already - I'm just gonna cry it aLL out to God! that should be sufficient I reckon. And I trust that God will do something about it!

*signing off now*

hurtin' peopLe...

WhiLe I've got a lot of things in mind to write in here... I just couldn't resist typing this one first out. I am not sure why but I thought I'd better burst it into writing whatever it is that I suddenLy feel now (as in now! while I'm typing this!) eLse I can't really describe what will happen. I'd say this is the least thing I can do to let go of the rushed inexplainabLe uninvited anguish within.

My heart suddenly feels like a blocked ice crashed into pieces, pounded with a heavy mortar against a hard waLL! Weird eh? I dunno why... but things just suddenLy sank into my mind and then into my own heart that made me cry out aloud siLentLy! Basically, these things are related to all friends of mine who are one way or another feeLs that stupid feeling of pain and hurt because of that ever inevitable thing so-called rejection! Deep within the weakest part of me is trying to be strong aiming to consoLe friends who confessed pains and hurtings of their own. I sincereLy thank God for making me strong to be able to somehow encourage each one of them.

One thing I really...REALLY hate the most is... knowing and learning that somebody is hurt.. a different kind of hurt in which pain is soo choking and can literally stop someone's heart beat! This pain is more than being bulimic that someone would throw-up even if no food was taken at all (tell me about it!) I hate it sooo much because I have been there and I thought I have never imagined how I looked like during those drastic days! I'm thankfuL that I'm "literally" ok now, however, I just can't help it to be burdened by how some of my friends feel and the situation they are going through now. Another thing is that the experience has made me more than cautious NOT to be in the same situation again. Dudette, take note well about it!

Oh God, please help me to let them know how I have survived such tragedy through You. Would you please uplift each one of my friends' heart and allow them to release that pain all out unto you mah Lord JC!

That gives me the cue to cut this out and better kneel down and intercede for my friends. I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is more than stronger than the power of the enemy!

Laterz!

NepaL - here I come again!

It tickLed my heart when my housemate, Norlyn handed me over a travel kit she bought that consist of the travel pillow and eyes shade w/ ear plugs, whiLe I was packing my stuffs. I'm touched by her gesture eventhough the moment she gave me the things she went straight to her room..I was puzzLed! lol. Anyways....yeah, so I'm going to Nepal once again on a mission trip and yet I am still more than excited =) It's amazing that just like the previous one, excitement isn't really that explicit huh! Hmm.. i really wonder why :)

While packing, I've recalled I received a few offers of ride to the airport - too bad they were all too late as I was able to have enough boldness to ask Shirley already! lol... aLong the way, I've received some MSN message from Tze Han about the ride again.... and some text messages from Angeline, Julie, and Terry separately. I replied to each one of them accordingly. Pstr. Mei dropped by to pass things for Susan and I was gLad to have hugged EiLeen and waved "hi" to granny...then off they drove away.

I had a great KFC toaster twister dinner but I'd say, I sincerely appreciate all of them. Thanks everyone! *winks*....hugz!

NepaL as it is, marks a very special spot within the inner me. My very first trip to Nepal opened a door of lotsa opportunities and mind you, those are good and bad, a combined taste of sweet, spicy, sour and bitter :p

Nepal was the key for me to reach my highest peak of happiness (thus far... but i strongly believe that there'll be higher than "highest" to come! :P) .. Ironically it was also the major gravity that pulled me down six feet below the ground (can you imagine? lolz). Above all, things concerning Nepal made me stronger and that is because my faith in God, after a very tough time of testing, has become more than stronger ever! Made me notice weLL a few personals along the way too :)


BlessedLy, those hard times are already over - praise God, big time!

As I look forward on the vitaL and nobLe things we are going to do in Nepal, I am sincereLy gratefuL of the overfLowing LOVE that the Lord Jesus Christ is giving me... through every single individuaL around me, around far afar from me (and should I say around Facebook? LOL :P). I pray that truLy this overfLowing love will be poured out afresh to the people of Nepal and to whoever divine appointment that will come along our way.

As I go to NepaL once again, I have 2 major things in mind and in heart apart from reaLLy sharing the love of Christ to the people there.

First is to officiaLLy and formaLLy close that specific book chapter in my Life forgetting ultimately and primarily the not so good part of it...specificaLLy that particuLar door of hurts and pains, which trapped me before....(this is like for formality sake, lol)... and this one goes out to you whom God has used for me to be able to anchor and trust in Him more than ever...i'd say.. with all due sincerity, thank you so much for seeing me the way I wanted a person to see me. I pray that God will bring forth someone speciaL to you (hopefully more special than me ya? :P) who wiLL admire you and love you just the way you are, just the way I did.

The second one is to enthusiasticaLLy and fuLLy open a new episode of me, a significant beginning of what Life has to offer me more and should I say.... a hopefuL and exciting start-up of what is reaLLy God's great pLan for my entity. A window shaLL be opened...with a more fuLL bLown capabiLity of loving someone unconditionaLLy.... becoming the innermost strength of that somebody apart from the Lord God Almighty (ofcourse :P)... can't wait for my heart to meet and see through that someone's heart completeLy! My nobLe star's heart - from one corner of my worLd.

NepaL - here I come, again! *giggLes*

P. S. Check out my first Nepal Trip archive: http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2007/04/nepal-here-we-come/

*peace out*

a hand 'n a kiss on the forehead ^^

The wanting to visit ReueL (a sick boy in our church) yesterday eventually took place today. I and my friends went to their house and found out that he's actually in the hospital. I am not really sure but somehow I felt only a partiaL of frustration yesterday when I learned about it. In fact, we even thought of going to the hospital at that moment but decided not to because there might be a heavy traffic on the way. And then the normal thought of having a dinner instead, came. However, one has to go off because of a prior dinner engagement.

WhiLe processing what to eat and where to, we ended up seeing another friend in the building nearby. I'd say... I was happy seeing the two of my friends (whom I've known separateLy and didn't know they are that close, can you imagine?), gLadLy smiled and teased one another, chit-chat a bit and bid goodbye eventually. I just smiled and whispered, "hmmm... that was short?! but cute and sweet huh!"

The dinner was sumptuous. What makes it splendid was the conversation that took place between each bite - giving way to a more exposed invisibility of both individuals..... *peace* ;p

Anyhow, as the scheduLe was arranged for the next day - that's today... we ended up hitting two birds in one shot! That is to finally visit the boy and this time incLuding the granny of one of us.

ReueL was about to sleep when we arrived. As we clipped the 6 balloons we bought yesterday at the feet of his bed, the little surroundings became colorfuL :). The dad was there to take care of him and managed to share a bit of what was currently happening. Florence lead all of us in prayer for the boy as I laid my hand on his forehead. I shook Dr. Andrew's hand and off we went to Victor's granny's ward.

I'm no chinese language - trying hard to scale up but pity the poor me! LOLz! - but as we arrived there, I smiled and said "hello" to the Auntie taking care of the granny... and cheerfuLLy handed the 3 red carnation fLowers over to her. After a whiLe, she sat up and took the spoon with her weak right hand, ate the porridge served. I was like... wanting to grab that spoon and feed her instead but Auntie said, "it's ok, she can feed herself" smiling to me. I felt an "ouch" deep inside and was a bit "dismay" but obeyed not to do it. As I stare at her and her hand holding the spoon, I was reminded of my mom back home and well..ofcourse..my own granny when she was still alive. I feLt i wanna hug this granny but I just simpLy cannot! Well.... I needed to contain myself else... nah I really dunno what will happen...hehehe. Little chit-chat took place in Chinese but I just did not care and continued on glancing at the old lady.

After a whiLe, I did not controL myself anymore! As my friends were like 3 steps away from the bed already, I caressed granny's pearL-white "fly away" hair and gave her a kiss on the forehead then off we go =)

- a hand 'n a kiss on the forehead -

bRiNg Me tO LiFe - this i pLead :D

The 7th miracle in the video we watched in CG this Friday (26th Sept '08) triggered me to blog something about the above titLe :). That miracle showed about a man who's already dead for like almost 3days but was brought into LIFE and was resurrected in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ! The dvd was basically about 8 miracles, which took place somewhere in South Africa as a certain evangelist ministered to the people there and preached about my dear JC!

Oh well, I consider it a super extra-ordinary Friday and it's worthy to take note weLL of it - so read on ya? ;p

Well, the "worthy" fire-starter of it was basically the excitement that I believe everyone in my CG feels as we exchanged emails about our so-called "Hari Raya BatuFerringhi lock-up" thingy. I have felt that this certain "excitement" is a mixed with a 'lil bit of worry, hesitations maybe? to top it all - hopes and fun! Following it was an sms from a friend exclaiming he's back in Penang, "nice to be back home" - kinda a big relief from my end.

Then as you may know, Fridays for me and for majority is a TGICG day! (Thank God It's CG day!). At first I thought I wanna decide to just call it off because 70% of our CG family will be in the Children Ministry's retreat but God impressed something in my heart not to. Instead, I said we'll gonna watch DVD - titLe is "MSI: Miracle Scene Investigation". We started CG with singin' "Give Thanks" then a serene prayer for first, the retreat that is happening. We prayed that everyone there will be impacted with the message and that the speaker will be anointed. Praise God! I heard a lot of good feedback and even saw it from FB status. Prayer works! Next in line was the prayer for USO! Then our Raya "wutever" and SG trip of our two CG members, then for our Euwing who's celebrating the birthday in 3.5 hours time.

As the 7th miracle being shown about the resurrected man, I recalled one of my unforgettables here in Penang - the day when my Auntie Pat died and went home with the Father in heaven. Scenes just flashed back in me that I have remembered begging God to bring Auntie Pat to life right then and there to show His mighty power and miracle to everyone in the hospital. While everyone was cryin' out loud in that ward, I cried silently in one corner having that conversation with God. I even said, "C'mon Jesus! this is one great opportunity to show everyone that You are the true God! Please bring Aunti Pat back into life!" As I repeatedly prayed like this - nothing happened to the point I added something into my prayer. Sincerely I said, "Lord... if you want I can exchange my life for Auntie Pat's just so they won't all cry anymore and that you will be glorified, please do so." - nada! Then I heard God told me, "My dear, that's not really the way I work all the time you know?". I realized, maybe sometimes God just does not want to really show-off. Anyhow, in one of the "wake" nights of auntie Pat, Pastor Sam preached about the life after death we'll have in heaven as we receive the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6)! He highlighted that it's true that we are all going to miss Auntie Pat but she's in a better place now. Highlight of that night was that...while Auntie Pat physically died, one was brought spiritually into Life - her only son, who accepted Jesus Christ that night as his Lord and Savior. I bursted into tears and smiled....whispering to him, "that makes your mom even happier in heaven now, her big time prayer was answered!" It was the very thing that clicked me and Auntie Pat together when I first met her together with Uncle Ron - to pray for her son's salvation. Prayer rocks!!! :P

Okay so much for that. Then I realized something..... I realized that a certain part of me is dead. I have the Life, true, but I suddenly notice that this specific thing in me has died not so recentLy. It could be that I was too numbed to notice it, maybe because of the pain I once "had" within the whole of me. Yeah, you're readin' it right "had" - past tense, so not anymore :P. Then I thought, maybe this part of me is now ready to be resurrected. I closed my eyes and uttered, "Lord, bring me to life" :D

When CG was done, while on the way to church for the USO...something special happened. I smiled and whimmed, "oh-ow.. Lord is that You? starting to bring me to life again already?"....

let's wait and see :)

hubbies & daddies around me...

A few weeks ago I had a short pep talk with my colleague from US, Steven, about how is he doing and how's his wife doing. This is just before our official business meeting agenda. I learned that his wife underwent some surgery few weeks back and that he has shared about some of the few errands he needed to do concerning the kids and ofcourse his wife. He has shared that he has to wake up early to drop the kids off to their school and same at the end of the day to pick them up just so to let the wifey rest and have that complete recovery from surgery. I thought that was admirable =)

I'm glad to hear that everything is fine as he declared.

A couple of days ago, another local colleague of mine happened to mention about what has recently happened to his wifey as well - she had a surgery somewhere in the uterus area. I saw the worries in Charlie's eyes and somehow can sense that he's troubled with what his wife is experiencing even up to this point that I'm writing it. He even complained saying "I cannot even hug her when we sleep because it hurts when she is squeezed because of the surgery". I just bursted out in a bit of laughter but then I thought that's a sweet statement coming from a guy for her wifey. =)

I felt sorry for him as he uttered those words lookin' at his face =(

Sometime last week, I hitched with Tani, a friend, on the way back home. He exclaimed, "I'm hungry! I wonder what's for dinner tonight and what did Ella cook for me?!" Ella, his full time wifey and mommy, is one close friend of mine as well. I've felt that excitement in him looking forward to go home and have that dinner cooked by her and ofcourse to be united with her and Andrei (the son) too. I'd say it's one ideal set-up for a family and Tani's excitement would delight Ella. =)

I thought I would be delighted to know that one as well if I'm in Ella's shoes :)

So what's the point of this blog? In everyday of our lives, one way or another we will encounter or experience a lot of things on the way. How often do we notice those stuffs that are really valuable and not valuable? Which one are we focusing ourselves then? For me, I try to observe, notice, and see things that would be helpful to develop more my character for the present and for the future.

On top of that, while it's a reality that there are hubbies and/or daddies that aren't so good and caring and all that (reality check), great and ideaL things still exist. Talk about being idealistic huh =P

PS: Check out my related blog entry about "Idealism 'n Realism": http://myblog4all.blog.friendster.com/2006/10/idealism-n-realism/

Bye for now! Tata!

let by gones be by gones =)

benign as she is, she drowned in tears once
escaping to breathe is all what she wants
cried and grumbled all night and day
keeping the pain deep inside all the way
yet she managed to stand up, continued to sway!
as hours, days and months passed by
keenly she bear and endured the pain
anguish inside almost made her insane.
mornings became like evenings...
and evenings appeared to be neverending...
resentful, her crushed heart has become
inevitably tragidy was the outcome.
but then she made a difficult choice
encapsulating everything with a poise
casting out all her cares to the only ONE
surrendering all that she has for once
yielding unto Him shall be her dance.

surprises...

Last Friday was a good one! I'm thankful that everyone in our cg was cooperative enough to execute the plans we've made in giving a birthday bash surprise for the 3 of our cg members and family - Euwing, Julie, and Lay Ching. Not to mention the early arrangements that Heng Yin did for the cakes and flowers.... for the guitar playing Shirley showed during worship and Tze Han's facilitating the sharing part. Though we missed some in the cg, we all had a great time together. I just hope that indeed the three were surprised and that it really made them all feel speciaL =) Another highlight that night was the sharing about the Father's love. Pastor Eddie shared a very good illustration about relationships, which is related to our topic. He shared about the 2 cups not being filled emphasizing that only a perfect God can fill each one's cup - referring to couple I supposed.

Anyhow, I am not sure with others but personaLLy, i love surprises. I can say that it's more worth it especially when you receive surprises without expecting it. Hehehe.. oh well, admit it or not.... it's somewhat a norm or should I say inevitable for some if not all to expect some surprises especially during our own birthdays huh! Hehehe... what a paradox - an expected surprise!

The event happened last Friday triggerred me to reminisce my own recent birthday surprises and should I say most treasured past surprises. Here comes my DR attact! Referring to "Delayed Reaction" :) Recently, I felt like I was floating in cLoud 9 and i'm overflowing with gratefulness for all the blessings I've received marking my 30th birthday!^^

The blasts started Saturday before my birthday. Having the chance to pre-celebrate it with some of friends and got a chance to spend a little time with new friends - 'twas Victor who initiated it. We have basically celebrated everyone's birthday and that includes Andrew, Victor, and Chea Keat. It was my first time to have that moment with Hsien Hooi and CheeChung plus their cutie Faith as well. Remember the bi-cycle ride post? :P (This blog is really super delayed, i realized! yaiks!) I can say that I kinda admire the couple especially when they carry Faith unto their arms :) Anyhow, I'm glad I've controlled myself NOT to drink some booze =P

Come Monday of that week (my big day was a Wednesday!), I had a steak dinner with uncle Ron at Friday's. I consider uncle Ron as my father here in Penang and im transitioning to call him dad hehehe..- btw missed the days when we go to BJ Complex together with Auntie Pat (the wifey) to buy DVDs :P. I'm sure during those days, they used to spend time together watching those DVDs huh, how sweet! :)

Wednesday, the big day was dramatic at start then became typical sort of. I started my day with an overseas call from my beloved family in Pinas. They were singin' happy birthday over the fone. Tears came out and I just hugged my pillow thinking about them. At work, thank God for all friends who wished me. My heart leaps everytime I got a greeting... in any way I've received it. 'Coz for me, small things count A LOT! At first I thought of spending my birthday night in my bedroom - ooppss.. don't think I'm a boring person (but yeah sometimes, i am). I thought I wanna spend my birthday time reflecting things - that is after our Nepal Mission team meeting supposedly. As early as lunch, Florence already chased me to have lunch out. It wasn't expected that Euwing and Ms. Win Nee met us up for lunch in ... secret... recipe :)

Now here's the catch, Shirley dearie kept asking me sayin she wants to take me out for dinner starting Monday of that week already. At first, I thought i've got a packed sched that week and it aint because of my birthday but ive got really a lot of stuffs - work and ministry primarily. Finally, I've decided to squeeze in the invitation before our meeting. And guess what? tadannn! There they all arrived with the cake singing the happy birthday song. At first i was stunned but deep inside I was smiling gently already.

Oh well.. I was speechless of how I appreciate everything. Trying to focus on what i'm supposed to do for the hour. Subconsciously, I have never stopped thanking God for everythin'.

Surprises.. surprises... So many things and plans of surprises coming into my mind now. I hope that all of it shall come to pass.. on the other hand.. i suddenly thought.. will there be more surprises for me? Like for now, while i reminisce these things, I feel odd... sigh! Weird eh? =) Well, we have our own weirdy thingy....

Gotta doze off now... i better.. or else...i'll end up becoming weird 24x7 already LOL.

*poof*

the bicycle ride...

She was at the back of the bicycle while her daddy doing the cycle activity around that mini park in one of the place here in Penang. As she sat in her little throne from the back, she was very still... looking around and holding tight to the thing at her daddy's back.

As I enthusiastically entered the scene, I waved at here smilin' and yelling at her name... "Hello Faith... hiyeee Faith...". In her young mind, she stared at me and partially smiled. On and on, the dad (names' CheeChung) went on cycling... as the daddy passed by through some bumps... there she went into bumbing as well....

The scene drifted off my mind for quite some time as I ran into the swing just like a kid too :P and did my swinging glides. Much valuable things happened that day before and after the bicyle ride's impactful starter of that night's event...

Before the bicycle ride - Had a quickie breakfast in a friend's car, attending power hour prayer, then comes the food for the soul time *yum*! After that, I had my "koheeko-fan" whatever for lunch, Nepal mission team meeting. Then off to QueensBay with friends... stroll around, window shop for me, it's a shopping time for a friend. Played some basketball, yes! What an energy - power!

After the bicycle ride moment - I managed to use my...uhm... sorta charm^^ in borrowing the girl's bicycle and did my own scary and stumbling cycle then watched a friend in his cycling lesson day 2. Little by little...other friends arrived, went up to the venue, "wacked" (this is Malaysian's term) the food, did some fun Charades game, blew some candles for someone's birthday (Tze Seong), went down to the park again carrying along our so-called lanterns and candles to have that moon gazing. -- Now, this is basically the ocassion! The Mooncake festival so to speak they call it. We did some walkin' carrying our "thang-long" (did i write it correctly?) or lantern with the glowin' candle in it. We're quite fortunate that time as the host shared about the story behind it. I wasn't really paying attention to it (sorry fLo :P) because somehow I was kinda aware of it already - to top it all, it's about bravery and oh well... what eLse? the four letter word that is full of mysteries :P

Instead, I am trying to really feel and enjoy the camaraderie atmosphere at that time. Open an MS Word doc, type "camaraderie", right click on it to see more of what's "camaraderie".

On a side note - I kinda casted out myself from a distance in the see-saw while they were there carrying my lantern along. Stared at them with a smile. One friend was naughty enuff to come near me and ask something about the never ending topic of all season :P. To cut it short, I just answered... "he will find me" :P

The night was done! Went home with two boy-friends :P. Monday arrived and gone as well! While i've got a LOT of things roaming in my heart and mind (too many to mention :P), I was amazed to myself when "Faith's bicycle ride with her daddy" scene flashed off my mind. Then the topic of that Sunday's food for the soul - "the Father's love" echoed my heart. I am reminded of my heavenly Father's love once again - it's like the Holy Spirit is re-emphasizing and reiterating it. I wonder why huh?! Oh well, maybe I felt unloved that time (kidding....LOL). I just smiled :)

Truly that Faith's daddy loves her so much that he have had spent that time with her. She wasn't totally aware of those bumpy roads that time but she has surely felt it. However, she was still and the trust and security in his daddy's cycling was there.

Unlike baby girl Faith, we, grown ups might be very on top or aware of every bumpy roads we pass by in this ride of life. We tend to do things to avoid bumps even if we need to pass by that specific bump or some would just directly avoid it to play safe huh - such a cowardice! Why not, let's just be still.... and know that our daddy up there is the one really doing the cycling thing? Why not let's just be like baby Faith? She knew that it was her daddy doing the cycling thing and her dad was with her when she passed by those bumps too.

Bible encourages us to have a faith like a child. Let's have a faith like what Faith had in that bicycle ride!

Be blessed! I'm blessed while writing this! =)

something from my heart :D

Joy is what I always have in you
Enticed by the awesome things you do
Searching my heart from its inner core
Untangling my twisted life with every cure
Saturating my soul with much of allure

Comfort you give is incomparable
Heart of mine is indulged and vulnerable
Reaching out to you, do you feel it too?
In loving you is all I choose and want to do
Surreal feelings I have deep inside,
Trust and faith, I will always confide.

Love u soo much, can't wait to see you and hug you!

Wedding vs. Marriage!

"Wedding takes an hour or two, but Marriage takes a lifetime!". This is one liner from our Pastor Sam that really penetrated in my heart and in my mind. I've been here in Penang, Malaysia for almost 3 years and was blessed enough to be invited in a lot of wedding ceremonies already. I noticed that the same ol' me feelin' excited but a bit fearful deep inside. Well, on top of that... here you go Mr. Teardrop on the way to my chubby cheeks :P. Yeah, I believe that for majority.. to be in a teary-eyed feeling during weddings are but normal and natural. I'd say those people who are really numb are realistically admirable but normally abnormal!

One way or another, most of us will or has come to a point of thinking how is it like if "I'm the one in the altar getting married?" Blah blah blah, blah blah blah! Heheheh... Some may be very bold and courageous enough to say that he/she wants to get married while some may say "I don't want to get married else I won't be free anymore." Well... i think everything should have at least a balance and both parties must strive to strike that balance.

I have a lot of friends who are already married and who were married before. Personally, I feel in my heart that I do want to get married but then thoughts of fears and scary things are haunting me - that's natural to a human being right? :P And I'm sure for all of you out there, at certain point you are having the same dilemma. That even my dad is scared for me, can you imagine? I remember one very early morning while he walked me through the streets on the way to work, I asked him..."Papa, question! If you are to decide for me.. would you rather want me not to marry or to marry?". At first, my papa was like errr.. "ofcourse dear it's up to you.. whatever you want...i'll be there to support you." But then I said, what if I want you to decide for me? Then somewhat not really a suprising answer of... "Well, if I am to decide for you I would prefer that you'd rather not get married". Then I bursted into laughter and exclaimed "I knew it, Papa!".

Well... talk about marriage... I'm exposed to friends having issues and challenges with either hubbies or the other way around - the wiffy! The empire of the dark-side is just always there but.. there is the BUT! The bright-side will definitely NOT stop in counter attacking the dark-side :) Now, being exposed to a lot of these... I began to think and reflect... can I cope up with the ups and downs of my own marriage? I believe so :) hahaha! God is there with me and God will also be with my future hubby! I strongly believe that if God is REALLY the center of one's marriage - it won't be an assured perfect one but it will be everlasting! "It is such a wonderful relationship when a perfect God is in the middle of 2 imperfect people." - I heard this statement from one of the hosts in 700 Club Asia. The sence of assurance in the said statement for marriage is basically God! Yeah, we can only find assurance in Him alone! :)

To end, let me leave you with a very sensible and encouraging statement from: "Forces of Nature" movie starring Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck.

"Marriage has less beauty but more safety than the single life. It's full of sorrows and full of joy. It lies under more burdens but it is supported by all the strengths of love and those burdens are delightful."

Whew! What a statement yeah?! Now here comes the dessert for the above:

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13; NIV Bible

:)

Families are forever!

I saw the above sentence as a caption to a photo in Friendster of one of my friends (my ex-boyfriend actually). Ofcourse, in the pic is his family - wife and kids! It made me smile, feeling the happiness he has having his own family already. Then, I closed my eyes thinking about my family back in Manila and then visualizing my own family soon. It was like, I giggled looking forward to that day!

Well.. the above paragraph was like a bit of an intro about I wanna share in here. I just came back from my CG (Cell Group) meeting and my heart took note of the insight I had from the CG specifically from the "ice-breaker" part. Edmond asked everyone to draw what is a great life for each one of us and then share it to everyone afterwards. I wasn't really surprise that all of us draw something which included "people" figures representing "family". Since 99% of our CG are singles, well...only Pastor Mei and Pastor Eddie are the couple there... all of us draw our picture of a great life, which includes having our own family. Some drew the family with 2 kids, some have 3... and guess what?Pastor Mei drew 7 grand children instead :P. I told her I need to let Eileen (the daughter) know about it.

Anyhow, the above caption of "Families are forever" revisited my mind and reminded me to finally write about it here in blog! And so I'm here writin' about it.

Indeed family plays a very important and vital role to one's life. I remember my primary days, we have been taught that "family" is the very basic institution in a community. I can also recall most of my friends saying.... friends will go away.. but families will always be there. Families will always be the major motivation of an individual may it be to work, to school, or where ever!

At work, I always pass by cubicles whereby the family photos are there in the desk. Ofcourse, I am one of them who put my family picture beside my office stuffs :P

Personally, while I recognize the fact that it aint easy to have a family, I am looking forward to have my own. As early as 7 years old, I have been exposed to a LOT of family stuffs and issues in us - may it be taking care of my siblings as an"a-te" or "che-che" or to act as a mom while my mama is away for work and also even think about food to cook and eat, finances, marriage probs, etc. I have been imagining... how would I look like being a mommy =) and being a wife? At first, I thought, I might be a strict mom (lol) but then I said errr.. not really... I don't think so.

With the experiences I had in our family and having quite a lot of exposures from friends about family issues, I can say that I'm a little bit scared but then I'm also at peace knowing that my God is there to help me and to guide me. And so, I am focusing myself on the positive side of it looking forward to taking care of my own family - because they are forever! So for you guys... please make sure that you treasure your families well. Families are forever! =)

The saga continues...

Finally! The decision to migrate my blogs into a new environment (just like here) has been taken into action! I kinda had a "not so good" experience in my blogs under "friendster" so here I am! At first, I thought to do this during my 30th birthday (lol, i'm being honest! :P) so as to mark sort of a beginning of a new decade in my existence.

Well, I noticed that I swindled down in my blogging and just told myself, I will blog stuffs in my mind and in my heart first...then when I have the time, only I'll type it down... but it never really happened for majority of the thoughts that came into my mind and in my heart.

Anyhow, before I continue the saga of any thought or something that may come up in me I'm taking note of the URL of the pre-queL of this blog. Whew! I spent like more than an hour just to find the settings where to show the link of the very first entry I had but I failed. Anyhow, if by any chance you wanna read my previous blogs.. or maybe read from the beginning, please feel free to click the link of the previous entry shown in the page ya?

URL is:

http://myblog4all.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog_for_all/

I'll make it a point to do this blogging everytime I feel urgency and a must to write down random thoughts i shall have.

That's all for now folks!