A boy's father-figure...

"A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map."

This is a significant and heavy one-liner included in the "Introduction" of the current book I'm reading, "The Way of the Wild Heart" (A map for the masculine journey) by John Eldredge. I don't really know what brought me interested into reading this book. However, with just the introduction itself, it made me more eager and interested to finish it soon! The author was kinda "talkin'" to his men readers and surprisingly sounded like talkin' to women readers along the way also - referring to mommies raising boys. Uhhhmmm....Well.. probably because I've finish the book "Captivating", which is the "woman" version of this book so might as well read the man's version huh!

Anyhow, I just started the book! And I have felt and recognized already the importance of a father to a "boy"! Made me think of my one and only brother back home and tried to recall how's his relationship with my dad and vice-versa :S Errr.. I can say.. it wasn't that really close and good though - that is based on my observation. I can say that they have quite a bit of generation gap since my brother was born when my father was like 42 years old already!

Then I remember my cousin. He purposely married like so early... I can't really recall but I think he got married even before he reached his 30's! His reason? He has mentioned to me that he wants his children (especially if a son) to be like his brother or friend also and not just his son... so that they can get along well.... I'd say.. he did make sense! and I think my cousin's goal is really to be able to be a good father-figure to his son! My nephew is like around 8 years old now =)

Then made me think about my "guy" friends who somehow had some issues with the "dad" thingy. I have a couple of close friends whereby their dads have left them or something like that :( As I thought of them, my heart sank because of so much concern... I ended up closing my eyes and uttered a simple prayer for them having at least a good-father figure even if it wasn't their own-biological father. Made me suddenly mad a bit about my niece's dad abandoning her.... Good thing... our baby ZyriLLe is a girl (she's our angel!) - at least mommies can handle =P

Anyhow, I shall continue reading the book and will add up some postings should there be a leading for me to do so...

So guys... who's your father-figure? If you don't have yet... I'd say... look for one so you won't get lost and be a useless explorer/wanderer :)

And for those men who have one way or another abandon a son... please think twice if you want your son/s to be the same. Be a man! and be responsible enough of your "actions"!!!

***

out of my control..

"we cannot control everything but we can control our attitude" - This liner or something like this was well taken note by my mind. I began to think and check how's my attitude about things I can't control from my end.

Lately, there are a lot of things I'm concerned of that seemed look like way uncontrollable....

-voicing out to some friends about their attitude and stuffs,
-other situations that involve a lot of people
-concerns for other people
-sheperding related stuffs
-my personal stuffs
-etcetera, etcetera

Knowing me, i try to epxress whatever it is in my mind as much as I can. Like for instance, I have somehow scolded (if you can call that scolding) a friend about one attitude he/she has towards a persoan. Stopped a bit but then came back to the old routine once again... i said.. i'm not gonna speak up anymore...he/she knows what he/she is doing....

Another one is by constantly reminding another friend to be cautious and careful about things related to the very thing that has hurted that person very much.

And I'd say a lot of other things still....

Wait a minute, what about myself... hmmm... I remember one friend has stated once the following lines about me... "I cannot control her and I don't know how to control her.... very difficult to control her... etc. etc.." Then I began to ask myself, control me on what? Can somebody give me some insights on this? I need to know! so that i can check myself as well if I'm being too much on something...

Anyhow, the relief part of this - God is in total control.

He will... one way or another speak to me and to the people I'm very much concerned, twist the situations that is bound to happen connected to me and a lot of other higher ways and thoughts of God.

My dearest Lord, I commit and surrender to you everything that is within my heart and my mind. I ask that you release the burden in me and that your comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding will reign deep within the very me.

Thank you.

***

"Feelings-Deficient"

“It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” - This struck me when I read today's ODB.

Can't help it but post it here... this is to remind myself and remind some of my readers about God's love. I can somehow, some times understand the feeling of seems I'm not being loved by God (ugh! human nature!) =P

Here you go.. read on and enjoy!

Mallory doesn’t feel loved by God. She received Jesus as her Savior several years ago and is confident that she is forgiven and will spend eternity with Him. She believes what God says in His Word, but she would also like to feel loved.

Her friends give her what she thinks is a pat answer: “It’s not about feelings! Just believe and the feelings will come later.” She says, “Okay, but when is later?” She believes she’s “feelings-deficient.”

God created us in His image to have emotions, so the longing to feel loved is legitimate and good. One way that many of us sense we’re loved is when someone talks with us and listens to us.

God provides those needs in our relationship with Him too. He speaks through His Word to our heart (Heb. 4:12), and He wants us to pour out our heart to Him about everything (Ps. 62:8)—even our longing to feel His love. Besides a relationship with Him, He daily gives us our breath, clothing, food, and shelter. Like the psalmist, we can find Him to be our “rock” and “refuge” as we trust Him (vv.2,7).

God loves us. Now, we walk by faith. One day, when we’re in His very presence, we’ll never again be feelings-deficient. — Anne Cetas

Knowing that God loves us comes by faith; feeling His love for us comes by relationship.

Faith it is.....thus indeed relationship it is too... =)

..misinterpretation..

Sometimes, it's very difficult to do things when the probability of being misinterpreted is there even for just a small percentage of it. And the worst is.. when you try to explain things to perhaps defend yourself, chances are.. there will always be some amount of doubts.

Recently, i've learned that some of the things I've done was sort of misinterpreted by someone I've loved - now this is one hard part of it.... someone whom you know that will trust you and believe you... misinterpreting things from you huh! A major ouch!

I should say I was just being true to myself and wanted to be as open as I can be. Open in a sense that whatever my mind thinks of... I try to do my best to express it and not hide anything in my mind.... but.. the impact on the other party was different, thinking that I was implying something... sigh.. difficult...

Anyhow, come to think of it.... there were moments in me that I'm the one happen to misinterpret some deeds of others in a way that I think I was offended. Did try to inform those people and eventually I've known that they didn't mean it at all. Hehehe...

Oh dear....

Can't fight the moonlight =)

I've decided to watch Coyote Ugly again..... and it just made my heart leaps! ;p

Here you go one of the songs in it's OST...

Under the lover-sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until
'Til the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight, starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, But you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight..
NoYou can't fight it...
It's gonna get to your heart

There's no escaping love
Once a gentle breeze
Weaves a spell upon your heart
No matter what you think
It won't be too long
'Til you're in my arms

Underneath the starlight, starlight
We'll be lost in the rhythm so right
Feel it steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight...
NoYou can't fight it
No matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you

(You're gonna knowThat I know)
Don't try, you're never gonna win, oh

Underneath the starlight, starlight,
There's a magical feeling, so right
It'll steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it

You can try to resist, try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know that you
can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart,
But you know, but you know that you
Can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

:P

Guys 'n Gals facts?

Read this somewhere and I just smiled :P I'm not sure about the "Guys" part though....but for the Gals... i think some items are quite true... read on and enjoy! =)

Guy Facts—
* When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you.
* When a guy is quiet, he’s listening to you.
* When a guy is not arguing, he realizes he’s wrong.
* When a guy says, “I’m fine” after a few minutes, he means it.
* When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do.
* When you’re laying your head on a guy’s chest, he feels he has the world.
* When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday, he is in love.
* When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it.
* When a guy says he can’t live without you, he’s with you till your done.
* When a guy says, “I miss you,” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him.

Gal Facts–
* When a girl is mean to you after a break-up, she wants you back but she is too scared she’ll get hurt and know you’re gone forever.
*When you catch a girl glancing at you, she wants you to look back and smile.
* When a girl bumps into your arm while walking with you, she wants you to hold her hand.
* When she wants a hug, she will just stand there.
* When you break a girl’s heart, she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later.
* When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
* When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
* When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
* When a girl answers, “I’m fine” after a few seconds, SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL.
* When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are playing games.
* When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
* When a girl says she can’t live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.
* When a girl says, “I miss you”, no one in this world can miss you more than that.

***

..mothers' patience, fathers' influence... both's love!

Last night, I had an opportunity to be able to watch one "play" somewhere in Penang town area - a true-to-life based story of a man who became a drug addict and that being in and out of the prison.

The drama started with a scene where the father went home drunk! Ofcourse, what do you expect the wife/mother will do? Errr... kinda nag to the hubby right? LOL. Uhhmm.. maybe the wife was arguing with the husband probably asking him to change and all since they already have a baby (the man - still a baby that time)....

Well... since the play was half hokkien and half English (thank God! It's half English!). I can somehow make sense of the hokkien lines in between, thanks to Lay Ching for translating some of the dialogue lines for me =). If I'm not mistaken though, the dad didn't have any job at all? Not really sure though... Anyhow.. the first scene ended showing the wife/mother running away from that house with all her stuffs leaving the baby to the granny.. and leaving the hubby for good!

Somehow, certain childhood memories of mine flashed back. I remember myself running here and there beside the high-way looking for my mom and my dad. If my memory served me right, my father was drunk that night and I dunno really what happened why I ended up being home alone that I went out to chase my mom and dad... Probably because of drunkenness he went out of the house and because my mom was worried, she chased my dad probably tried to convince to be home instead! My dad was once a drunkard! I think.. if my mom was not that patient enough to bear my dad's attitude "before", she may have left me and my sister also that time. I thank God for a patient mother! That i will always take note - be patient (talk about hubby-wife matters?).

Next couple of scene showed about the father taking drugs at home! Can you imagine? And so this ah-boy sneaked through the window watching what was his dad is doing. The dad left all his drug paraphernalias just somewhere in the table. So, from a boy what would you expect? So the boy got curious and tried all these drug-related stuffs. Indeed, the father has influenced the boy. So, as early as 11 year's old the boy have learned to take drugs :(

Another scene was shown whereby the boy was trying to show his drawing to the dad but the dad just ignored it... Sigh... what a dad huh! Anyways.. the boy ended up stowing away (stokwa-pinoy term) and was led into a very bad path with drug addicts and pushers...

I began to think again, was my father that bad? I don't think so... He's only unknown to me whenever he's drunk! Drunkenness sucks! Anyways, I began to think and recall my memories with my father. I can remember that during his normal state, he used to carry me over his shoulders... once or twice, he did manage to teach me and help me on my academic assignments when I was in primary.... and once.. I was running toward him and jumped up to him the moment I knew he arrived from Manila (we were in a province/kampung that time)... I used to give him his slippers whenever he arrived from work and take off his shoes =)... Secondary days - we used to chat on the staircase sharing his escapades and good ol' days. He will always walk me to the jeepney stop early in the morning on the way to my work in Manila.

Indeed the role of a mother and a father in a family is very very vital to an individual. The parents are the primary set of people that a child look-up to and have a great influence in this child's growing up years and eventually as an adult.

I admire those who are single parents who managed to raise their child/children alone because I can say that even if both parents are present, it's already hard to do parenting, how much more if you're a single parent.

mother's patience, father's influence, the love of both! =)

the other way around....

in our rational mind, it's so typical to feel sad and maybe hurt if what you want to happen is not really happening... i believe i've been in this situation before... so i can tell...

however, i am noticing myself on the other side of it lately. it seems like whatever is currently happening within me is NOT the very thing i want!!! and it makes me feel bad because it's happening... and that's why i always end up weeping and sobbing every now and then..begging God to take "it" away from me.

my Lord, please take this thing away from me if it's not from You. please please please?

***

YOU!

You give me hope,
The strength, the will to keep on;
No one else can make me feel this way
And only you
Can bring out all the best I can do;
I believe you turn the tide
And make me feel real good inside.

You pushed me up
When I'm about to give up;
You're on my side when no one seems to listen
And if you go, You know the tears can't help but show
You'll break this heart and tear it apart;
Then suddenly the madness starts

It's your smile,
Your face, your lips that I miss,
Those sweet little eyes that stare at me
And make me say,
I'm with you through all the way.

'Cause it's you
Who fills the emptiness in me;
It changes ev'rything, you see,
When I know I've got you with me


:)

What good is.....

What good is having straight "A's" when you're alone studying the lessons? That's why there's the so-called group study.

What good is a success in "career" when you've got nobody to share it with - family and friends.

What good is a car if you're the only one in it? Yeah you're driving it but isn't it good if you have someone in the passenger's seat at least?

What good is a big house if you're the only one staying on it? or maybe only the two of you staying on it?

What good is reading a lot of books when you don't share and apply?

What good is reading and studying the Bible when you don't share what you've learned to others?

What good is sharing it to others when you yourself don't apply it?

-end-

God spoke thru pontianaks!

"I will do everything I can to take care of you." - These were the words of Edward Cullens to Bella when they were in the car, as Edward was driving her back (or something, can't really remember). These were the same words echoed in my heart this morning after I felt God's touch and comfort.

Something quite normal (as the majority say) happened this morning "again", which somehow spoiled my enthusiasm praising and worshipping God. At the beginning of worship, I felt really very odd to do so. But then I'm reminded that worshipping God is not about me, it's about Him! From the bottom of my heart, I really wanted to but the shallow part of it didn't really jived. As the song "Magnificent" was sung, I purposely raised my hand and sang along from my heart as I wanna hear from Him. While in my mind, I talked to God and I said..."Lord, why is it that I feel...You seem so far from me "now"? Nevertheless, I will still choose to praise and worship you."

I was thinking, was it because the "yet another parking challenge" that kinda ruined my day? Nah, I don't think so. Probably what happened triggered other "stuffs" within and made me bursted out implicitly.

Suddenly, I felt an embrace from Siew Ching. I was like in tears as I felt her hugging me. She has never done that before in the middle of worship though. Then I thought of Him and deep within, it's like I can hear God saying.. "there you go! you think I'm far from you? I just hugged you!" Then the above "one-liner" registered my mind together with a few scenes in the "Twilight" movie we've watched last night, side by side with the few scenes of my life.

The scene whereby daddy Cullen said to the daughter, "She's with Edward and she's part of the family now. We will protect her." flashed unto me. I can feel Bella's fear but she stood firm knowing that her "family" with Edward's is there for her.

... then the vast instances that my "family" here had helped me, took care of me, were played unto me. Talk about what happened last Wednesday night and this morning, I have so much of my brothers and sisters in Christ who were there encouraging me in the middle of my "trembling and shaking individuality." I'm really thankful that i wanted to hug each and everyone of them (but cannot.. LOL) :P

Talk about "everything" in the first sentence of this entry, God is using other people around me as well to take care of me that on top of my church family, friends outside church are also there. Truly God can do "everything"... Simple things... small things... count a LOT for me. This is why, on my own little way... may it be from the most simple thing I can, to the most complicated "wowser" big stuff I'm capable of, I will do it.

"Twilight" is sort of a love story...errr not really sort of Imma say.. it is indeed a love story. LOL. I admit, I was thinking of other things too while watching the movie ;p ehehehe... Hey c'mon! let's admit (for those who have watched it), it's a "feel-good" movie okay? :P Just like what Bella felt with Edward, she's loving him unconditionally... i asked myself.. can i do that? Then I told myself, I want and I love to do that, God help me - to love unconditionally. Then another thought came, "will there be a man like Edward who will like really care for me like that?" I'm sure a lot of girls who've watched the movie thought of the same thing. I can tell, LOL. and so forth and so on!

However, it's funny how God twisted my thoughts back to Him.

I'm glad. I'm amazed. I'm in awe. Indescribable.