Making Decisions.

"What's wrong with being number two?" - This is one of the many liners I like from the "Tuesdays with Morrie" movie we've watched (I've read the book too though), during the retreat last weekend. I paused upon hearing it, and thought that there's really nothing wrong with it unless it has got something to do with "morality" issue (message me if you want to deep dive on this).

Talk about being a person who always wanted to be the number one and be on top of everything especially during my schooling days - half-way of my college/uni days, I have come to realize that there's really nothing wrong with it. That's just the way it goes and it's a matter of what standpoint or paradigm you're seeing it.

The above title is basically the second key learning I managed to grasp during the said retreat.

Making Decisions.

While is that so, I'm not really sure why the urge of writing about it came first and I thought of kicking this blog off with "What's wrong with being number two?" statement LOL. Just a head's up on the first one though - Love, Life, and Death (soon to be blogged! lol)

Making a decision about a certain thing is indeed and really not easy especially if your desire is for the good of everybody (talk about being the decision maker of the family at a young age? lol). However, I'd say there's always the so-called "pros and cons" for every angle and very seldom that we'll fall into what they call it a "win-win" situation. And as such, that's what makes decision making quite a challenge and for some "scary" if I may say so. Ofcourse, we are responsible for our own "decision/s" (although by right, it's originally "we are responsible for our own action" lol) and more often than not, there are certain consequences to it.

I was trying to recall my "stenography" or "short hand" ability during the retreat to write down as much learnings I can write but surprisingly when I was reviewing my notes, this learning isn't in my notebook! I guess my mind and heart managed to capture it vividly and remained deep within.

Pastor Victor slightly talked about decision making that night and I like it the way he has stated things related to it - I described it as "spiritually realistic!" Short and direct but impactful. He said not to be afraid of making decisions most especially if your relationship with God is healthy. Yeah, we may have the tendency to make mistakes in deciding but if your relationship with God is that good... for sure God is there to help us and keep us from being drowned if ever the decision wasn't the right one - made me realize to be proactively conscious and cautious how's my relationship and communing with Him! I then began to recall every decision I made in which I experience the so-called "failure" and then assessed how was my relationship with God then hehehe... There were a few that really hoaned me and made me stronger and if I may say better... and there were some as well that really broke me to the "nth" times. Some of those, my relationship with God was kinda "so-so" only. Somehow, it figures with some of my past experiences..lol..

Well, Pastor Victor used a very "typical" example. What else? Choosing "the one" when it comes to marriage (somehow it was a bit subjective for guys though..lol). I was shaking my head and smiled..lol... indeed, this is one of the "all-time favourites" as an example. While he highlighted the importance of having a healthy relationship with God, he also reiterated that "never ever make a decision unless you hear from God clearly". He emphasized the act of "waiting" upon what God is saying. But, the good and realistic side of what he said in that specific example is that.... just in case you really think that you are bound of time and "biologically" you can't wait that long to hear from God, he said "choose the girl who can help you grow with God." Somehow, I can agree to that but felt a bit sad 'coz it was subjective for guys. But hey! I realized it can be applied as well for women! :P What do you think?

So much for that.

Anyhow, yeah making decisions isn't easy. I remember once... I shared to some friends that I want my "man" to make all the decisions and that I can only give suggestions but the final decision will coming from "him" and all I'd do is to support that.... I'd say probably not really this time. I guess each one of us should know the importance of making decisions and decide on our own. Somehow for married couples, I'd say both parties should agree at "a" common decision since the two has become one already.

Anyways, whatever decision each one of us need to make - be assured that God will always be in control and will help us most importantly if we are anchoring unto Him constantly.

Take care now.

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.few stuffs for married couples.

Well.. it's not the end of February yet! And you know what already whenever February comes, although I personally believe that every month should be treated as February also hehe...

Last Sunday, while I've decided to join my Pinoy friends in the other church.. I still thought of my Spiritual family's church service. Earlier, I already knew that there will be renewal of marriage vows for married couples in my church. I bet it was a very sweet and heart-warming event for everyone :) (talk about being a hopelessly romantic person huh! LOL) Well...I'd say sort of an advantage for me not to have attended that also 'coz I might feel enviuos...and that's bad right? lol.. :P:P

Anyways, I have this small laminated card in my wallet in which I kinda stole from my mom's wallet...(well not really since I asked permission first before I got it =P) , in it are some few stuffs written for couples - it basically came from the Couples' Ministry in my home church in Pinas!

Read on and enjoy!

~Things every couple should know~

• The value of a hug
• How to say "I'm sorry"
• Your spouse is priceless
• How to agree more and argue less
• Unexpected gifts can bring pleasure
• The simple intimacy of holding hands
• How to appreciate and accept the differences in your partner
• The importance of courtship after marriage (guys, take note :P)
• The thing that triggers that hurt feelings
• How to make your spouse laugh
• One compliment a day isn't too many
• How to make every anniversary a celebration
• How to give your spouse a visible expression of love

Hope the above will be penetrated to all of you who have read this. For singles - in your future married life. For married - in your everyday marriage journey!

God bless you all :)

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Facebook fever?

"We need to be connected in a 'deeper way'.... to be up-close and personal..." - these were some of the liners from the preaching I've heard today, which stuck in my mind and now in my heart since I am writing about it.

As I quote the Pastor in that church, "All these Facebook, Multiply, Friendster, etc. etc. existing that makes the world smaller help us to be connected with one another..." I was repeatedly nodding since I can absolutely relate to the stuffs mentioned especially Facebook and Friendster! lol.

But then, as I listened well about the statement "We need to be connected in a deeper way.." it is being echoed to me over and over again and my on-going contemplation and observation about the usage of stuffs like Facebook and Friendster, and even the Internet macro itself were deepened. As I am a person who always wanted to do things and even connect to people in a very personal way, I feel that I need to be cautious on the way I do things in relating to people using the world wide web.

Let's talk about Facebook now. At least from where I am right now, Facebook usage to the majority (at least in my personal opinion) is overflowing. You will know if a person is sick, if someone had an accident, if someone is sad or happy, if somebody is travelling or having holidays in other places, if one person is cooking or taking shower (can you imagine? :P), or sleeping or whatever lah... via Facebook. And for sure, some people give some comments whenever the "status" is being updated. Good one! From there, I can say that somehow people can show their concerns but for some I can say that they give comments for "fun" and maybe to "bully" others? Ooppss.. beep-beep - no offense ya?

But how is the level of connection using Facebook or other Internet-based tools? Do you think it's on the side of a "deeper" way? Is it that meaningful?

I feel bad whenever I login into my Facebook seeing people talking to each other through it when in fact, they are just sitting right next to each other in their cubicles? Or maybe they are in the same vicinity (or maybe building) that they won't even find time to meet up "personally" and chit-chat? I mean I can understand if the people are way physically far from each other that they "communicate" or "talk" via Facebook or any other "internet-related" means of communication but with such proximity, how can they still make use of Facebook and etc? I remember I asked one friend how is he communicating with his sister. Guess what was the answer? - Facebook. I was like stunned since they aren't really far from each other - for myself, my sister is like oceans apart to me so Internet is useful in that essense :P Me, being a personal person, whenever my cube-mates or colleagues sitting just right next to me update something in their Facebook, I would turn my head, talk, and respond to them face to face! :P

I remember I was shaking my head when I read an email once with pictures of the "new era" ways of communicating. I was like laughing out loud when I saw the photo of describing how the parents from the other room called their son, who is in the other room for dinner - through Internet. I admit, there are times that when I and my housemates are in our own rooms we message one another via Windows Live Messenger, but maybe because we know the importance of "personal touch", we would burst out in laughter and will go out of our rooms and talk personally :)

I'd say those things will describe the level or I'd say "deepness" of their connection huh... what do you think?

I am one person who is in awe with the existence of Internet. I was (or maybe still..I should say..) a chat addict. However, let me share with you that it did NOT stop there. I have a lot of good friends whom I've met through Internet but that was just the start of it and I see to it that I am having that "personal", face-to-face spending of time with them. I came to know more of them by meeting up with them, exhanging thoughts, ideas, stories, and experiences personally.

Lotsa friends highlighted to me that it's a good tool to get connected and to be updated on whatever stuffs going on to that specific person. I'd agree to that, no questions asked :)

Facebook, or any other internet-related tools can be very useful in various ways. However, I can say it's a good starter or "igniter" but let us NOT just stop there.... let us NOT allow these things to degrade our level of connection and communication with people most especially to love ones and close treasured friends :)

Let's log-off and meet up with them personally - a deeper, more genuine, more meaningful and enjoyable way of getting connected! =)

***

You changed my life :)

The nights the sky was filled with clouds
My worried mind was filled with fears
I couldn’t count all the lonely hours
Spent with memories and tears

I never thought I would see the day
When I could throw all my sorrow away
But then you came and you showed me the way
You have made all those times disappear

You changed my life in a moment
And I’ll never be the same again
You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

I never thought that I could change
Could change so much in so many ways
I’m still surprised when I look in my mirror
To see that I still look the same

You changed my life in a moment
And I’ll never be the same again
You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

You changed my life
I’ll never be the same

You changed my life in a moment
And it’s hard for me to understand
With a touch of your hand
In a moment of time
All my sorrow is gone

***

When you fall in love..

Wanna share this to my constant readers :) and to all my new readers... well.. just in time for what I have in mind to blog soon. It's about "adultery" - sequel of this blog..read on and process it!
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When You FALL IN LOVE (Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy) By: Bo Sanchez

This article isn't for teenagers only. Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. (Did you see42-year-old Tom Cruise jump up and down Oprah's couch because of Katie?) Ithappens to everyone. Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy,not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green... it doesn't really matter. All ofus fall in love. And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them. Let's begin..........

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL.

Let me qualify. This is such a tricky myth. Because love ----- as defined by the Bible ------ will conquer all. But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not. If you believe in this myth, you might do the following: You overlook major obstacles in your relationship. Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your bestfriends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of ar unning vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street istelling you to lace his drink with poison. But you won't --------- because you're in love. That's why there are songs entitled, "you and meagainstthe world" Your bestbuds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past threeyears!" And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in whenhe's inthe office. '(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.) Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!' and you say, 'No,he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert) Your cousins say,'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm. And you say,'No, he's into cross stitching.' You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him. The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding. The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit. In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious. If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility. Especially compatibility in the area ofvalues and mission in life.

I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We'reboth born in July." Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

I'm sure you've had this experience before. You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door. Your eyes meet. Instantly, time stands still.The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background. One week later, he's your boyfriend. Afew weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months). Your mind says, 'Dump him' Your heart says,'But it was love at first sight!' Here are the consequences ... You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side ofthe relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment. Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ......How can you not be meant for each other? You become a love-at-first-sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'. One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay.He's kind,he's responsible, he has a good job.......' "I could hear a'but' coming ,"I said. 'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip. "No violin music playing in the background huh" "none. When I see him, the background musicI hear is lululalu-lalulalulalei..." "listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..." I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear." It doesn't have to be love at first sight. In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material. What is love at first sight? Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight. Don't give it too muchweight.

Here's the truth: it takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.

MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER

No, you won't. Here are the consequences for believing this myth : You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place. Imagine the night of your honeymoon. Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips. And all of a sudden, she snores. "Ngggggggooork" How do you react?Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.' Six months down the road,the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. And you hear her snore."Ngggggoork." What do you say? "Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!' What has happened? The feelings have gone. Let me say this:'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic! You can make a decision to love the snoring boat. You start blaming your partner for the loss of love. This is nutty. But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person. And so we fight him. Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings. It's nobody's fault. The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins.

Let me explain. This is the most important point I'm going to make. (I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Lesstraveled) Falling in love isn't love. Here's why.

When you fall inlove.....
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort isrequired. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work isrequired. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.

On the otherhand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hardwork. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.

MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY

Again because falling inlove satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't. Consequence? You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.

Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them . There are just some things your husband can'tgive you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own.

I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves. I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life. Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.

MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE

If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse. One man told me,'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work.She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When Igo home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work." Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery. Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife. Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows. But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.

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