There were a couple of black dots in an A4 size of bond paper. I was asked to stare at that paper with a question, "what do you see"? Bombarded with rambling thoughts to look into those dots, echoing the sad, low, and lonely times of 2011, I decided to choose to forget or at least get over it and consciously focus myself into the wide range of white spaces between the dots.
It's almost mid-Feb of 2012 and yet I'm just about to officially end my year 2011. Well, you know me...I have delayed reaction about most of the things...
It's been ages since the last time I had the mood to really write something about what I have in mind. I must admit, I was kinda disappointed with myself because of that. It's true that there were a few black dots in my 2011 (maybe that's why i didn't have the mood) but come to think of it, there were really more good and great times happened too.
I've recalled about my mom and niece's summer vacation with me here in Penang in April to May. Apparently we had a great time when I manage to bring them to Singapore as a side trip. Hah! I remember when mama was giving me some hints that she wanted to go there just to see how's SG and well, I was excited for my niece to go and see the "Songs of the Sea" light musical show in Sentosa. I thank God that indeed through His provision that we landed in SG for a couple of days. It was a good time to meet up with one of my cousins who's working there too!
My dear sister surprised me during my birthday by flying all the way from Manila to Penang over that weekend (guess which month is my birthday?). Although, uhhmm..it wasn't really a surprise to me anymore since I managed to bluff my mom and found out about the trip! :P Aside from my sister's presence, a good friend from Manila sent me this CD by Corrine May that I've wanted to have. I've also met a new friend from Oregon through a common dear friend.
Come mid-September to mid-October, I was splurging a holiday spree in the US! I'm glad and thankful that my uncle and his family were very accommodating and generous when I had my vacation in LA! It was my very first time seeing them in person and it was really awesome! I've met quite a few friends who are based in the US from different states. I thank God for the favor and provisions to make this dream of trip come to reality. God provided angels of people, protection, and blessings for this trip. Everything that has happened in that trip will surely be treasured most especially the very one thing, a special thing that happened and took place. It was so special that i thought it was a dream.... But yeah, that's about it! Only God knows what will happen in the future! Anyhow, I didn't really manage to go to a few other places I hoped to go, but overall... it was a blast!
Another reason for me to smile and be really thankful for 2011 is that I still had the bandwidth to go Cambodia after US. This trip with my housemate was kinda simple. It was like a rest period after the hectic US get-away.... since during that time, I was out to nowhere from morning 'till evening, midnight or so to be exact! When we were in Cambodia, our luxurious routine of eat, sleep, and roam around Siam Reap was relaxing! In tagalog, we dub it as KATUGA! Kain, Tulog, Gala.
In November, I finally manage to have my own vehicle - a simple, second hand one but I'm so happy about it. All year through, I feel sooo blessed and thankful to have good friends who lent me their extra car for me to use regularly. I felt a bit shy about it and so I prayed to be able to buy my own. Thank God that He had led or appointed me to this kind uncle selling his car at a price that I can afford. God is good in granting me a car loan too.
And... in December, my whole family came over to Penang to celebrate Christmas with me! It was my papa and auntie's first time traveling outside Philippines and first time riding an airplane! My Christmas was really really great! I've felt the genuine comfortable comfort given my beloved family and for that I am more than thankful to God.
Aside from those stuff mentioned, I'm blessed to have friends around here in Penang who will cheer me up from time to time all year round. Not to mention my dear god father who always invite me for dinner to eat his cooked western style dishes!
Indeed there are more and wider white spaces in that bond paper that those black dots are almost unnoticeable huh?! And if I am truly to reflect and contemplate more, 2011 is a very blessed fruitful year for me. I hope and pray that as I officially begin my 2012 (way delayed huh! LOL), may the bond paper will remain white spaces dominated than those black dots.
With that, let me end my 2011 now.
-end-
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Mother's Death.
I just came back from someone's mom's wake service and I'm still overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions deep inside of me, thinking of a lot of people in my mind and in my heart. A chain of people whom I've talked to and have been thinking lately, which is somehow related to the term "mother". This someone by the way, is our senior pastor who gave such honoring remarks for his dear mother. I was delighted to know that indeed during the last days of his mother, everyone in the children were there to spend that last precious moments with their mother.
First thought was ofcourse my own dearest mother. As our Pastor shared about how his mother did her best to help his father raising the 7 of them through domestic-related jobs, saying that she's rich, I can't stop nodding my head, completely agreeing with him. Then, a flashback of my younger days came to mind. My mom doing some laundry, ironing, and other related chores in the neighborhood just for us to have something to eat while she assigned me to take care of my 2 younger sisters that time. There were also those times whereby all I have to do is pick up the spoon and fork to eat the food in the plate she has prepared before I go to work, how she tidy my room and I'd be too comfortable to have my sweet rest and a whole lot more. It reminded me as well so many very important things she has taught me that until now I value and treasure sincerely, and that is why I am where I am now. From then on, I promised myself to do my very best to make her proud, I hope I did. Well, my mother can be complicated sometimes but I really honor her, treasure her and love her. I'm grateful that she's still alive and that I can still express personally how grateful I am having her. I'm praying that she'll be here... at least until I become a mother myself. Only God knows! :D
The next one was my auntie in California - a mother too. Recently, I had the opportunity to have some little chit-chat with her over the net (the power of technology huh!) and shared a few struggles over her children. The word "patience" was stuck in my heart during the chat conversation and I just hope that she'll be fine and will continue to be prayerful and be patient with whatever is happening out there since I really dunno what's the whole story. I pray as well that as I write this, the power of the Holy Spirit will just minister upon her and her children too - my cousins, realizing the incomparable and invaluable things their mother has done and will do for them. Oh how I wish I'm just an inch away so that I can hug her and hopefully ease out her sentiments.
The third one was another friend in Chicago, whom I was shared that the mother has a breast cancer, which was recently discovered. I am more than concerned but had nothing to say during that time ('twas just last night though); or rather should I say, I dunno what good thing to say to at least console that friend. Again, how I'd hope that I was beside this friend to somehow offer a sincere warm embrace. I blurted out a child-like faith of "Let's believe for a miracle. I'll keep your mom in prayer." True enough, I dozed off to bed with a simple prayer for my friend's mother. I hope that God will acknowledge my child-like prayer, I believe JC heard about it and He'll surely answer.
Next in line were my friends who are mothers. Funny that I've got friends who are mothers here in Penang and whenever there's a party, all of them will stay in a room and discuss/share stuff about motherhood. The catch is... I'm the only one who's single that I feel ackward in joining them most of the times *peace*. However, they will force me to join their "chit-chat" saying that it's just right to learn while still single. It's something like "Motherhood 101" subject. There was one time, one of them said, today the topic is "schooling/education of kids". Deep inside, I was actually thrilled and in my mind I began to wonder when is my time. LOL.
Another one was about my boss, who's a mother. In one of our one on one session, she mentioned about her daughter saying "she's growing fast and now older". In that line were sound of worry because of much care and concern and love. Mother's really are admirable!
Last one was a recent call from a friend in Manila to give me a late greeting for my birthday. I wasn't sure how the conversation went to the topic about her mother who recently passed away too. I was glad to hear her reflections about her beloved mom and her sharing on how painful it really is to loose a mother, realizing a mother's very significance to our existence. Then the topic ended to realizing that somehow, the desire to get married is to primarily be able to experience motherhood (it sounds funny but come to think of it... I agreed with her in the end).
I recently saw a video of a mother giving birth to a child in a natural way mind you. I was just watching and I was physically exasperated already! I wonder.... how much more when I'm the one doing it. It looked awful, painful, however you may wanna describe it but I just said to myself, I want to experience that! I'd love to, given a chance! Well, based from my observations, reflections, and relationship with all walks of mothers "kinda thing", it seems really difficult and challenging but nevertheless I can see the real fulfillment, nobility, and the joy of being one in them, above all in my own mother's eyes.
To all mothers - it's not mother's day but I want to personally salute you. May God's love and grace continue to abound in your hearts! Keep up the good work! Kudos! :)
To all soon to be mothers - you're about to embark one great milestone of your lives, you'll be okay. God is good! :)
To all sons & daughters - get your relationship with your mothers right while they're still alive! Appreciate them while you still can - a simple "love you, ma!" or a hug or a kiss will do a lot. It's your big lost if you don't! :)
-end-
First thought was ofcourse my own dearest mother. As our Pastor shared about how his mother did her best to help his father raising the 7 of them through domestic-related jobs, saying that she's rich, I can't stop nodding my head, completely agreeing with him. Then, a flashback of my younger days came to mind. My mom doing some laundry, ironing, and other related chores in the neighborhood just for us to have something to eat while she assigned me to take care of my 2 younger sisters that time. There were also those times whereby all I have to do is pick up the spoon and fork to eat the food in the plate she has prepared before I go to work, how she tidy my room and I'd be too comfortable to have my sweet rest and a whole lot more. It reminded me as well so many very important things she has taught me that until now I value and treasure sincerely, and that is why I am where I am now. From then on, I promised myself to do my very best to make her proud, I hope I did. Well, my mother can be complicated sometimes but I really honor her, treasure her and love her. I'm grateful that she's still alive and that I can still express personally how grateful I am having her. I'm praying that she'll be here... at least until I become a mother myself. Only God knows! :D
The next one was my auntie in California - a mother too. Recently, I had the opportunity to have some little chit-chat with her over the net (the power of technology huh!) and shared a few struggles over her children. The word "patience" was stuck in my heart during the chat conversation and I just hope that she'll be fine and will continue to be prayerful and be patient with whatever is happening out there since I really dunno what's the whole story. I pray as well that as I write this, the power of the Holy Spirit will just minister upon her and her children too - my cousins, realizing the incomparable and invaluable things their mother has done and will do for them. Oh how I wish I'm just an inch away so that I can hug her and hopefully ease out her sentiments.
The third one was another friend in Chicago, whom I was shared that the mother has a breast cancer, which was recently discovered. I am more than concerned but had nothing to say during that time ('twas just last night though); or rather should I say, I dunno what good thing to say to at least console that friend. Again, how I'd hope that I was beside this friend to somehow offer a sincere warm embrace. I blurted out a child-like faith of "Let's believe for a miracle. I'll keep your mom in prayer." True enough, I dozed off to bed with a simple prayer for my friend's mother. I hope that God will acknowledge my child-like prayer, I believe JC heard about it and He'll surely answer.
Next in line were my friends who are mothers. Funny that I've got friends who are mothers here in Penang and whenever there's a party, all of them will stay in a room and discuss/share stuff about motherhood. The catch is... I'm the only one who's single that I feel ackward in joining them most of the times *peace*. However, they will force me to join their "chit-chat" saying that it's just right to learn while still single. It's something like "Motherhood 101" subject. There was one time, one of them said, today the topic is "schooling/education of kids". Deep inside, I was actually thrilled and in my mind I began to wonder when is my time. LOL.
Another one was about my boss, who's a mother. In one of our one on one session, she mentioned about her daughter saying "she's growing fast and now older". In that line were sound of worry because of much care and concern and love. Mother's really are admirable!
Last one was a recent call from a friend in Manila to give me a late greeting for my birthday. I wasn't sure how the conversation went to the topic about her mother who recently passed away too. I was glad to hear her reflections about her beloved mom and her sharing on how painful it really is to loose a mother, realizing a mother's very significance to our existence. Then the topic ended to realizing that somehow, the desire to get married is to primarily be able to experience motherhood (it sounds funny but come to think of it... I agreed with her in the end).
I recently saw a video of a mother giving birth to a child in a natural way mind you. I was just watching and I was physically exasperated already! I wonder.... how much more when I'm the one doing it. It looked awful, painful, however you may wanna describe it but I just said to myself, I want to experience that! I'd love to, given a chance! Well, based from my observations, reflections, and relationship with all walks of mothers "kinda thing", it seems really difficult and challenging but nevertheless I can see the real fulfillment, nobility, and the joy of being one in them, above all in my own mother's eyes.
To all mothers - it's not mother's day but I want to personally salute you. May God's love and grace continue to abound in your hearts! Keep up the good work! Kudos! :)
To all soon to be mothers - you're about to embark one great milestone of your lives, you'll be okay. God is good! :)
To all sons & daughters - get your relationship with your mothers right while they're still alive! Appreciate them while you still can - a simple "love you, ma!" or a hug or a kiss will do a lot. It's your big lost if you don't! :)
-end-
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
"spock"
And so finally I am blogging with a happy feeling! I must indulge this moment! Too much of sad emo-related entries already so here you go!!!
First, it was like a cardiac arrest of reviving my heart beat while I was in a heart attack breakdown! Seems like my apparently dying heart was pumped up making the straight line in that meter reader becoming quite a zigzag kind of line again. Not bad huh!
It was a some kind of a "spock" from a short circuited wiring in which the connections were essentially straighten out. It's a nice feeling eventhough I wasn't sure what will be the outcome of it. I realized I'm quite naive in this kind of stuff! Yaiks! And indeed my "bashy" me is striking like mad!
Oh well, it's the second time of supper with that "spock"! Somehow...it's nice but I don't wanna expect too much. I'm thankful that somehow, my heart beat was revived - that should be quite good enough. At least I know I'm still capable of feeling "it" and did not totally curse the so-called "feeling". As I recognized that positive cardiac arrest result, my brain waves started to function as well... hehe... well i think heart and brain working together will make a good tandem huh! But ofcourse with His guidance and will.. surely can right? LOL! I'm talking nonsense now!
I better head off to bed, got morning prayer tomorrow.
Oh by the way, it's actually "spark"!
=)
First, it was like a cardiac arrest of reviving my heart beat while I was in a heart attack breakdown! Seems like my apparently dying heart was pumped up making the straight line in that meter reader becoming quite a zigzag kind of line again. Not bad huh!
It was a some kind of a "spock" from a short circuited wiring in which the connections were essentially straighten out. It's a nice feeling eventhough I wasn't sure what will be the outcome of it. I realized I'm quite naive in this kind of stuff! Yaiks! And indeed my "bashy" me is striking like mad!
Oh well, it's the second time of supper with that "spock"! Somehow...it's nice but I don't wanna expect too much. I'm thankful that somehow, my heart beat was revived - that should be quite good enough. At least I know I'm still capable of feeling "it" and did not totally curse the so-called "feeling". As I recognized that positive cardiac arrest result, my brain waves started to function as well... hehe... well i think heart and brain working together will make a good tandem huh! But ofcourse with His guidance and will.. surely can right? LOL! I'm talking nonsense now!
I better head off to bed, got morning prayer tomorrow.
Oh by the way, it's actually "spark"!
=)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
famiLiar tears...
It has been quite a month already that I've somehow noticed this thing is happening - a teardrop would fall as I close my eyes praying to be able to sleep and to have a good one! If I could only take out my ownself from my body, I would be able to draw one picture that would describe quite a combination of a poignant face trying to be wrapped in the coating of faith and trust. Indeed, I ended up waking up fully rested and wanting to sleep more instead :D
Tonight, as I wrap up my work and somehow call it a day.... I've recognized that I was bursting into tears.. a different one from what's mentioned above. Familiar tears, which include some profound emotions and soured-sweet memories; and that deep inside was a smile longing to be able to come to a point once again of finally moving on, never thinking and hoping for the old, but trusting for a fresh eternity- type of a new one.
I know, I just have to continue trusting and keeping that faith. Can I be thrown into a totally new atmosphere again, please?
-end-
Tonight, as I wrap up my work and somehow call it a day.... I've recognized that I was bursting into tears.. a different one from what's mentioned above. Familiar tears, which include some profound emotions and soured-sweet memories; and that deep inside was a smile longing to be able to come to a point once again of finally moving on, never thinking and hoping for the old, but trusting for a fresh eternity- type of a new one.
I know, I just have to continue trusting and keeping that faith. Can I be thrown into a totally new atmosphere again, please?
-end-
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Contact Lenses...
I'm on my second day of wearing contact lenses after I've pushed through with my thought to try it out - I decided to have 2-day trial of it. Reasons behind are a lot but the outstanding one is for convenience. It's so funny though, because initially, I've opted to wear eyeglasses instead, because of the same reason - convenience. Errrr.... weird huh, you may say...but just think about what I'm tryin' to draw here :P
Well, my power isn't that high but normally, I prefer to have my eye-glasses on to have a clearer and firmer view or sight of the things I'm lookin' at, especially when driving ;)... that is because I've taken note well what my driving instructor told me in a loud manner, "WEAR YOUR 'SPECS' WHEN DRIVING!"... lol, makes me smile whenever I think about it.
Anyhow, so this morning...no doubt I was struggling and having some challenges to put in the contact lenses into my eyes. Whheeww! It wasn't that easy! As I open my right eye wide and big, the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord" echoed deep within me. As I sing the song in my mind, "open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you, I want to see you", in my heart I had a revelation that until now I'm trying to figure out, organizing the thought around it so might as well write about it, hopefully at the end of this blog I'll manage to have an organized thoughts about the revelation... let's see!
When we're newly born, they say that the eyesight isn't really that clear for the first couple of weeks. This is the reason why when buying baby things, we need to buy those very colorful ones so that babies' eyes can recognize the shapes through the colors. Then as babies grow, together with all the other things that our parents do like feed us, take care of us, etc. etc., our eyes will start to transition into the 20/20 perfect eyesight. Well...along the way, as we grow older, the eyesight will eventually be blurred making our powers high that we need to do things like wearing eyeglasses (or contact lenses) to have a clearer eyesight, well for some, they use the technology side of making eye sight clear like laser, etc.
I've thought about that in the same way in our Christian life, we have the somewhat similar transition kind of thing. As baby Christians, we'll have initially a blur sight but as time goes by, with the help of our Father in heaven, we'll have a clear vision of our spiritual life - that's through the sermons of the Pastors we listen into, our own Bible reading, the leaders over us, prayers, fellowships, etc. etc. Now, here's the sad part.... as we go on with our lives, there's the tendency to be blur again making our power high for the need of eye-glasses to be able to see clearly.
Going back to the song, "Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You", it is very clear that Him, God, who's doing it for us - opening the eyes of our hearts so that we can recognize and eventually see Him. However, we just need to ask Him to do it for us. The "asking" part should come from us. Hhhmmm.. maybe this is one of the applications of the most famous bible verse, which is being stolen by the other "secret" books saying, Ask and it shall be given to you... (Matthew 7:7)
And then...I realized that I was in the latter kind of blurriness in my spiritual life. Please don't ask me to elaborate it ya... it's kinda complicated. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed this to me and now I am pleading unto Him to give me "contact lenses" in my spiritual sight; that I may see once again clearly...His greatness, His awesomeness, His almighty power, His indescribable love and His sovereignty over my life.
Well, my power isn't that high but normally, I prefer to have my eye-glasses on to have a clearer and firmer view or sight of the things I'm lookin' at, especially when driving ;)... that is because I've taken note well what my driving instructor told me in a loud manner, "WEAR YOUR 'SPECS' WHEN DRIVING!"... lol, makes me smile whenever I think about it.
Anyhow, so this morning...no doubt I was struggling and having some challenges to put in the contact lenses into my eyes. Whheeww! It wasn't that easy! As I open my right eye wide and big, the song "Open the eyes of my heart Lord" echoed deep within me. As I sing the song in my mind, "open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you, I want to see you", in my heart I had a revelation that until now I'm trying to figure out, organizing the thought around it so might as well write about it, hopefully at the end of this blog I'll manage to have an organized thoughts about the revelation... let's see!
When we're newly born, they say that the eyesight isn't really that clear for the first couple of weeks. This is the reason why when buying baby things, we need to buy those very colorful ones so that babies' eyes can recognize the shapes through the colors. Then as babies grow, together with all the other things that our parents do like feed us, take care of us, etc. etc., our eyes will start to transition into the 20/20 perfect eyesight. Well...along the way, as we grow older, the eyesight will eventually be blurred making our powers high that we need to do things like wearing eyeglasses (or contact lenses) to have a clearer eyesight, well for some, they use the technology side of making eye sight clear like laser, etc.
I've thought about that in the same way in our Christian life, we have the somewhat similar transition kind of thing. As baby Christians, we'll have initially a blur sight but as time goes by, with the help of our Father in heaven, we'll have a clear vision of our spiritual life - that's through the sermons of the Pastors we listen into, our own Bible reading, the leaders over us, prayers, fellowships, etc. etc. Now, here's the sad part.... as we go on with our lives, there's the tendency to be blur again making our power high for the need of eye-glasses to be able to see clearly.
Going back to the song, "Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You", it is very clear that Him, God, who's doing it for us - opening the eyes of our hearts so that we can recognize and eventually see Him. However, we just need to ask Him to do it for us. The "asking" part should come from us. Hhhmmm.. maybe this is one of the applications of the most famous bible verse, which is being stolen by the other "secret" books saying, Ask and it shall be given to you... (Matthew 7:7)
And then...I realized that I was in the latter kind of blurriness in my spiritual life. Please don't ask me to elaborate it ya... it's kinda complicated. I'm grateful that the Holy Spirit revealed this to me and now I am pleading unto Him to give me "contact lenses" in my spiritual sight; that I may see once again clearly...His greatness, His awesomeness, His almighty power, His indescribable love and His sovereignty over my life.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Knocking on heaven^^
If there's one thing that I won't forget about this person, it's gonna be our Redang Island trip last March 2009 particularly the night I was surprisingly asked by her to sing and perform on the stage, together with Laguna Redang's entertainers that night. I don't know what's with her that I gave in to the dare forgetting that I will be humiliating my ownself to an audience of a few! Well, maybe it was probably what's with me since I've finished a glass of frozen margarita already! Good thing that the few audience were them - my friends! LOL...Believe me, it's gonna be the first and last!!! :P
That Redang trip is an unforgettable one for many I believe. It's because it has left something valuable deep within each one's heart and chronicles of sweet and fun memory! Some noted it was their first snorkeling experience, some treasured it that it helped release a certain grudge, and someone enjoyed star gazing ultimately by the beach and finally had seen a shooting star!!! Above all, it was a trip that started a simple kind of friendship that felt like it's been there all the while for somebody :) - talk about having a strength of "connectedness" huh! =P
We didn't have that much of literal personal acquaintance but implicitly, it was like we can read each other. I guess it all started when she called me once, when she was here in Penang, responding to my "hello" text message. I answered, "Is everything okay? why do you sound so soft and quiet and so not you?". I felt she smiled and just responded, "I'm at my MIL's place" (message me what's MIL :P). Then, I got it already. From then on, she would occassionaly sms me "Reached KL already" everytime they come here and return KL. Anyhow, virtually we've kept the communication goin'. These are the moments I thank God for the world wide web operating its "pros". In between's, we've talked about so much things about the reality of life - relationships, marriage, friendship, etcetera, etcetera. I manage to give my thought about her understanding the MIL and make an effort to create a good relationship; she helped me realized that I'm a normal woman so to speak when we've shared about possesiveness and insecurities. Somehow, she has shared her feelings with me that I heart her and ofcourse geared her towards the good and the positive right turn of direction! Apparently, I saw some of myself in her that made me treasure her more.
If only we had the chance to spend more time with each other in person, we could have planned a lot of things before she left. Things that would probably bond us more and nourish the gem we've found with each other - friendship. Furthermore, some stuff that perhaps will be very beneficial to her family and so-called "bestfriend" when she's gone, and thoughts that will be of help for her dearest bie to continue and move on to live life here on earth. Have you read the book or at least watched the movie "P.S. I Love You"? Something to that effect... :)
Well...it has been almost more than five months now since I hugged her for the last time and gave my last kiss on her forehead before we left at one hospital in KL. She was on her way to the operating room for surgery and us on the way back to Penang. That time, I didn't think of such an early departure she'll do as I fervently (and the rest too) plead to our Big Daddy up there to heal her and let her live in this temporary world still. But I guess, it's true indeed that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. There must be a reason why those things happened but I'm just not sure what.
I've written this blog with a purpose. A purpose of paying tribute to one good friend who's temporarily gone, in which one of the people I'll be looking forward to meet again when it's my turn to go home. However, ultimately, it's for her bie, whom I considered a good friend too. A very crazy fella that I like because he's willing to jump out of the boat in the beach and who is a merman! Lame! LOL... Nah, kidding aside.... for him to take time to realize that if my friend can literally speak from heaven as I knock, she will say...
"C'mon darling, enough of sadness already! I'll "meraju" if you continune to do that! Cheer up and face the rest of your life there with enthusiasm and new beginning, a new chapter! And I don't mind at all but instead I'll help if I can be of any, and above all, continue to live life and have fun giving all the glory to Him! (I'm with him now, remember! :P)"
They said that the last sense to leave a human being is the hearing sense. As I knock on heaven, I am whispering to her all these writings from the bottom of my heart hoping that she is able to hear it.
While in mourning mode, I was somehow glad that time permitted me to see her for the last time the night before I left for Manila last December. Above all, I'm grateful to Him that He made this as part of His plan for my life - to have met Cindy Khoh Joo Hwa.
-end-
That Redang trip is an unforgettable one for many I believe. It's because it has left something valuable deep within each one's heart and chronicles of sweet and fun memory! Some noted it was their first snorkeling experience, some treasured it that it helped release a certain grudge, and someone enjoyed star gazing ultimately by the beach and finally had seen a shooting star!!! Above all, it was a trip that started a simple kind of friendship that felt like it's been there all the while for somebody :) - talk about having a strength of "connectedness" huh! =P
We didn't have that much of literal personal acquaintance but implicitly, it was like we can read each other. I guess it all started when she called me once, when she was here in Penang, responding to my "hello" text message. I answered, "Is everything okay? why do you sound so soft and quiet and so not you?". I felt she smiled and just responded, "I'm at my MIL's place" (message me what's MIL :P). Then, I got it already. From then on, she would occassionaly sms me "Reached KL already" everytime they come here and return KL. Anyhow, virtually we've kept the communication goin'. These are the moments I thank God for the world wide web operating its "pros". In between's, we've talked about so much things about the reality of life - relationships, marriage, friendship, etcetera, etcetera. I manage to give my thought about her understanding the MIL and make an effort to create a good relationship; she helped me realized that I'm a normal woman so to speak when we've shared about possesiveness and insecurities. Somehow, she has shared her feelings with me that I heart her and ofcourse geared her towards the good and the positive right turn of direction! Apparently, I saw some of myself in her that made me treasure her more.
If only we had the chance to spend more time with each other in person, we could have planned a lot of things before she left. Things that would probably bond us more and nourish the gem we've found with each other - friendship. Furthermore, some stuff that perhaps will be very beneficial to her family and so-called "bestfriend" when she's gone, and thoughts that will be of help for her dearest bie to continue and move on to live life here on earth. Have you read the book or at least watched the movie "P.S. I Love You"? Something to that effect... :)
Well...it has been almost more than five months now since I hugged her for the last time and gave my last kiss on her forehead before we left at one hospital in KL. She was on her way to the operating room for surgery and us on the way back to Penang. That time, I didn't think of such an early departure she'll do as I fervently (and the rest too) plead to our Big Daddy up there to heal her and let her live in this temporary world still. But I guess, it's true indeed that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. There must be a reason why those things happened but I'm just not sure what.
I've written this blog with a purpose. A purpose of paying tribute to one good friend who's temporarily gone, in which one of the people I'll be looking forward to meet again when it's my turn to go home. However, ultimately, it's for her bie, whom I considered a good friend too. A very crazy fella that I like because he's willing to jump out of the boat in the beach and who is a merman! Lame! LOL... Nah, kidding aside.... for him to take time to realize that if my friend can literally speak from heaven as I knock, she will say...
"C'mon darling, enough of sadness already! I'll "meraju" if you continune to do that! Cheer up and face the rest of your life there with enthusiasm and new beginning, a new chapter! And I don't mind at all but instead I'll help if I can be of any, and above all, continue to live life and have fun giving all the glory to Him! (I'm with him now, remember! :P)"
They said that the last sense to leave a human being is the hearing sense. As I knock on heaven, I am whispering to her all these writings from the bottom of my heart hoping that she is able to hear it.
While in mourning mode, I was somehow glad that time permitted me to see her for the last time the night before I left for Manila last December. Above all, I'm grateful to Him that He made this as part of His plan for my life - to have met Cindy Khoh Joo Hwa.
-end-
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sobrang Lungkot...
Grabeh... hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Lagi kong tinatanong sa sarili ko, nasan ang dating ako? Ang dating masayahin at laging hopeful na tao, ang dating laging looking forward sa hinaharap ng buong sigla at super excited?
Hindi ko maitago na sobrang lungkot ko na kulang na lang eh humagulgol ako dito sa kinalalagyan ko. Feeling ko sobrang nawala ang sigla ng hinaharap kundi para bagang punong puno ng lungkot ng nakaraan?
Alam ko, nasa puso ko ang Poong Maykapal. Pero ang sobrang ipinagtataka ko, grabe talaga ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Diyos ko, alam ko may nagawa akong mga kasalanan sa inyo. Patawarin nyo po ako. Gusto kong magalit at mainis sa inyo, pero ginagawa ko ang aking makakaya na wag na todong magalit.
Deep within me Panginoon, ako pa rin ito. Ako pa rin yung nagdarasal at nagmamaka awa, tulungan nyo po ako. hindi ko kayang mag-isa 'to! kailangan ko kayo.
Hindi ko maitago na sobrang lungkot ko na kulang na lang eh humagulgol ako dito sa kinalalagyan ko. Feeling ko sobrang nawala ang sigla ng hinaharap kundi para bagang punong puno ng lungkot ng nakaraan?
Alam ko, nasa puso ko ang Poong Maykapal. Pero ang sobrang ipinagtataka ko, grabe talaga ang lungkot na nararamdaman ko. Diyos ko, alam ko may nagawa akong mga kasalanan sa inyo. Patawarin nyo po ako. Gusto kong magalit at mainis sa inyo, pero ginagawa ko ang aking makakaya na wag na todong magalit.
Deep within me Panginoon, ako pa rin ito. Ako pa rin yung nagdarasal at nagmamaka awa, tulungan nyo po ako. hindi ko kayang mag-isa 'to! kailangan ko kayo.
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