LIFE in a Death Row!

Deep inside, I feel like bursting into crying, sobbing my whole face unto my pillow in my bedroom! However, I can't as I'm stuck here in my cubicle at work - I have to contain myself. I needed to be strong though I feel like I'm gonna collapse with the exasperations I have all over, not forgetting every uncertainties happening around not just for me but I'd say for the majority.

I realized that it seems like I'm in a death row.

fLippy is in death mode. Phone is in a 50/50 life existence. My wallet seems to be struggling into "emptiness". Economy is bad. A lot of "cut here and there" everywhere. I am totally not sure how's my family back home. Enemy is attacking me through this stupid loneliness. Some of my friends are having anxieties. What else huh? I think there's a whole lot more.

But hey guess what? There's this stranger named the Holy Spirit, who reminded me something really important.. "while all these things are happening, remember that you have the LIFE?!" I smiled, recalling John 14:6....on top of it, I thought.. hey it's Thanksgiving day (in US) so i ended up wholeheartedly uttering, "Thank You Lord!"... and suddenly.... the death row zone my mind is staring at started to shift gear and I'm reminded and enlightened with the following....

Victor introduced me to uncle Chuan, who came to the office just now, went to the car park to check the car and it's battery! Had a short free-willy ride at Uncle's back in his cool motorbike! Managed to stretch both of my hands feeling the breeze - awesome! Yesterday, Florence gave me a ride to WahLi Cafe for me to meet up and encourage a brother.... Yin-yin gave me a ride back home as well after our CATS practice.

My phone can still turn on - not so bad talk about 50/50 chances... there's hope..there's still life 50%! It's still serving me well except that I needed to be patient with the annoyance it is giving me.

My wallet? Oh still got a few bucks in there. Think it will still be enough until the next payday though. I have Him who is more than enough anyways.

Loneliness? Get lost! I've got my housemate Norlyn, colleagues like Asmaa and Brian who can really talk, Shirley who checked me during my frist day of driving to work - love it, great friends from church, from CG, from the Pinoy geng, and a whole bunch of wise stuffs to do! not to mention the "love you, love you..." text message that my mom and sister is sending to me from time to time :P

My whole family? Nah they will be fine. they should be fine. they need to know how to be fine because they know WHO can really help them be fine. It's NOT me all the time!

My job? Errr... I still have it.. why do I need to worry about it? No no no... I'm leaving it all up to Him! I am not gonna worry about it... I'm just gonna be very still before Him! I have HIM!

I am currently reading a book (Big Picture People - just started), and I'm reminded that... I should not substitute my problems and difficult circumstances for the big picture! I should be focusing and seeing the greatness of my God, the vastness of His resources, and how much He desires to involve me in His great rescue plan for the lost. Now we're talking...

With the above? I need to convince myself to look beyond all these rational things happening around. I opt to see beyond all of these things, to imagine and hope even greater things more than I can think or imagine. This is because I have a God who knows what is best for me.... a God who is truly in control of everything... a God who is more than enough. He shall supply all my needs according to His riches and glory! (Phil. 4:19) Yes, all glory be unto You!

No matter what, love you so much JC!